BUSH STEPS IN AS ENERGY CRISIS THREATENS FAST-TRACK TEXAN EXECUTION PROGRAM
DALLAS, Texas - The Texan prison state execution program was in a state of chaos yesterday as the spreading US energy crisis cut power to prisons.
"We had this dude tied down for a frying today," said Dwain Spoke,a prison official, "But we couldn't get enough juice to power a goddamned dildo."
Said Spoke: "Looks like that ****er's going to get another last meal thanks to Bush."
The response from the Bush camp was swift. "Our nation's essential services are under threat," said a written White House statement. "We've got to out this outage and out it fast."
As power outages spread through the prison system, the backlog of condemned prisoners looked set to grow.
One Texan politician told herdofsheep "I'm ashamed. It's like Africa or something. Makes us look like some ****ty little tin pot republic when we can't even lynch a few deadbeat no-hopers."
The state's prisons were thought to be drawing up contingency plans.
"We're drawing up contingency plans," one official confided.
BUSH SHOCKED BY TIBETAN POVERTY WHEN HE SEES AGEING BROWN BLANKET WORN BY DALAI LAMA
WASHINGTON DC - George Bush was shocked when the Dalai Lama, who visited the White House last week, arrived dressed in "a ****-brown old blanket".
"Jeez," Bush told aides at the weekend. "I didnt think things were that bad over there they couldn't buy a couple pairs of decent pants."
Bush was philosophical about the incident.
"I guess you learn and live in this job." "I offered to buy him something real nice, Armani, Versace, whatever he wanted, but I guess he was too embarrassed to take me up on it."
Bush told reporters after the Dalai Lama had returned to Northern India, where he lives in exile:
Hobo
"Like I saw this guy and I thought is this a joke or is some hobo duding around the White House?"
The President, clearly intrigued by the visit, described the blanket.
"It was, like, ****-brown and he had kinda wrapped the thing round him. It was pretty darned stupid."
Diaper
Bush went on, laughing: "It looked like a diaper I guess."
According to the President, the Dalai Lama had outlined the life of exile he followed in India.
Bush said:
"Like, maybe that was it: he'd left all his clothes and stuff back in Tibet."
