British & Irish Governments Plan Ceremony in Croke Park
Northern Ireland Minister Peter Hain has announced details of a joint ceremony before
Irelands crunch game against England in Croke Park on the 24th February.
The significance of the game is not lost on GAA followers and
republicans who remember the infamous shooting of 14 players and
supporters by the British Army on the 21st November 1921.
However according to GAA spokesman Ulick Magee a plan being devised by
the GAA and the Northern Ireland office, will attempt to draw a line
under the incident.
"We've spoken to the British government and they understand the
significance of the event back in 1921.
Back then 14 people were killed by British forces so in the spirit of
the peace process and friendship we're proposing that we shoot 14 of
their lot before the match. Then maybe have fireworks afterwards or
something." Said Mr Magee.
Government Reaction
The plan has had a mixed reaction from Downing Street.
Prime Minister Tony Blair thinks the idea has merit but said that it
needs to be done properly and with dignity.
"Frankly I think its a small price to pay for progression in Anglo-Irish
affairs, but I think the idea of getting Ray Houghton to do the shooting
would be too much for many English fans to take particularly after his
goal against us back in 1988. And he's Scottish which is worse."
Proposed Victims
According to informed sources, the GAA and Number 10 have already drawn
up a list of names for those to be shot. The list, which is not yet
agreed, is thought to be a compromise of people that both the Irish and
English public dislike. Among the names are moaney-hole singer James
Blunt, foul mouth idiot Jade Goody, Trinny & Suzannah, Man Utd donkey
Rio Ferdinand, cream cake expert Vanessa Feltz, "comedian"
Russell Brand and any of the blokes who do outside broadcasts for Sky
News.
But discussions took an ironic twist when both sides agreed on shooting
Belfast singer Brian Kennedy, but neither side agreed on what
nationality he was. GAA representatives claim he's British with their
Foreign Office counterparts claiming he's Irish. The Irish claimed no
Irishman should sing or dance in such a manner and the English saying he
couldn't be a Brit because he had no tattoos on his forearm and didn't
wear Ben Sherman shirts. However there was eventual consensus that he
should be shot regardless of his nationality.
Plans agreed
The shooting will be carried out my members of the 2nd Infantry
Battalion from Cathal Brugha Barracks in Dublin. The original idea to
get the FCA to carry out the executions were dropped when they revealed
that their rifles are in fact made of baked-plastercine.
Similarly the Garda Emergency Response Unit was discounted for fear
they'd shoot more innocent civilians then claim overtime for it.
I know this is technically the wrong forum, but thought I'd post it here anwyays as it's quality... :D
