The Championship - Corkmans view

A Corkman's perspective (a couple of days late but....)

2001 will go down as a great year for the coffers of Parc Ui Chaoimh.

Sadly, Cork's exit from the hurling championship was premature, but it gave
us time to reflect, ponder & philosophise on the hand fate dealt the rebel
county. But, sure isn't it great to see the weaker counties progress & God
knows, we can't be winning everything! With the focus taken off the true
Munster champions, it gave the red army a chance to take a step back &
observe the differing characteristics of the hurling enthusiasts from the
other counties, cheer on their respective teams, in their own unique way.

I must apologise in advance to the folks from the other Munster counties,
for concentrating the analysis on Tipperary alone, but there's only so much
to say, so little time etc. etc.

A large portion of those gate receipts at the park came from the premier
county, as the faithful supporters had to make the trek southwards on more
than one occasion. Unlike their Cork counterparts, Tipperary fans, without
admitting it, expect to have an early exit from the championship and so the
attendance for each of the games was quite high. These trips to Cork assume
the stature of a sacred pilgrimage, providing a reason to live for the
Finches.

The trips were etched even heavier in the calendar this year, after the foot
& mouth scare curtailed the social mingling of the wellywearers at the
marts. This was coupled with the heightened sense of adventure associated
with "travellin' abroad" across the Cork border.

The psychological barrier of inferiority caused many Tipp folk to equate it
with an international border, & didn't they pack the passport , 'just in
case, like!!'. And sure would you blame them for the excitement. As I write,
the next trip from Tipp will be against Limerick on July 1st and no doubt,
the ritualistic preparations for the big day out, will be
repeated right across Tipperary: Into the Cortina the following items will
get flung together for the trip southwards:

1) A large flask of 'tae', 20 bottles of cider, 30 bottles of porter &
fifty cheese sandwiches wrapped in tinfoil, to cater for the 30 or so yahoos
packed into the backseat & trailer on the way down . "Perish the thought of
having to hand over your hard earned cash to those Cork feckers for sumtin'
to ate & drink!!".

2) A map written in crayon on a #10 note, in order to direct the driver
over the maximum number of humpback bridges possible through bandit country
in an effort to
(a) avoid the other traffic
(b) avoid the border police
(c) produce as many choruses of "Yahoo!" from the hurling-helmet clad
occupants each time a bridge is negotiated.

3) A statue of John Leahy, blessed an' all, to keep the occupants safe from
all harm. - this particular item is not flung into the mechanically
propelled vehicle, but rather carefully positioned on the centre of the
bonnet and secured with an adequate supply of bailing
twine; something akin to a mermaid guiding a tall ship of yester-year
through treacherous waters.

4) The Babs Keating book of excuses - this provides a healthy array of
original / bizarre observations, which provide an armory of match
post-mortems for the Tipp fan before a sliotar is even struck in the game.
This book assumes the mantle of the hurling Cathecism for the journey to
Cork, with the classic Babs gems being learned off by heart on the trip
down.
The Cork folk will know well when the mass exodus from Tipperary begins, for
we have a Garda scout strategically placed in bushes on the outskirts of
Mitchelstown scanning Kilbeheny (and you all thought it was a speed trap !!)
& beyond for signs of frantic scurrying, manifesting itself in a cloud of
dust heavily laden with the aroma of cow dung . At the border, the Red
Cross will again hand out markers & blank placards to the Finches, to
order to furnish them with the means to provide subtitles when
communicating.
The Journey to Cork will end with a screech of brakes in the centre of the
Jack Lynch tunnel & straight on with the hazards. The Cortina & trailer will
be abandoned in order to experience a leisurely stroll to the park and of
course to keep the Cortina dry - the beginning of which is rudely
interrupted with the inexplicable furious hooting of car horns further back
in the tunnel.

The result of the match may produce 2 reactions - this is where a degree of
unpredictability enters into the equation, making it slightly interesting
for the locals. If Limerick prevail, it is because Tipperary was robbed;
specific incidents in the match that only Tipperary people saw or can recall
will be cited as examples. The fact that Limerick used 2 sliotars, fielded
34 players, had kidnapped the family of the referee & had the slope of the
pitch in their favour, will also be mentioned. If Tipperary come away with a
victory, all hell will break loose; the greatest team on the planet will be
forever remembered in newly created ballads ; tales of extraordinary heroism
will be shouted from the hills, sales of glow-in-the-dark John Leahy
statuettes will go through the roof & more specifically, we won't hear the
end of it in the canteen for weeks to come!

Whichever way it goes , the physical aftermath will be the same;
(i) The pond outside Parc Ui Chaoimh will have to be dredged to remove the
mountain of superquinn bags filled with empty porter bottles, recently
deposited there.
(ii) The traffic chaos at the tunnel will get worse with people attempting
to reverse the trailer back out the tunnel, in order to get a clear run of
the road on the way home.
(iii) Aughanish Alumina will be contacted to deal with the phenomenon
associated with copious amounts of rolled up tinfoil deposits appearing
after a championship match.

For the red army of hurling supporters & hurlers alike, it will be a time to
recharge the batteries & regroup for the next campaign, safe in the
knowledge that a Championship without Cork...." is a bit of a sham all the
same, boy!".