This is a tale of the man called Roy,
And how he filled our hearts with joy,
Until the w@ankers in the FAI
Booked a pitch that was completely dry.
A muscle tightened and a tendon stretched,
Roy was livid, and the lads said 'Sketch!'
Roy said "All credit to me at the end of the day,
Me go in goal? No f'uckin' way!"
Roy had a go at Bonner and Kelly,
Coz while the team was training, the keepers watched telly.
There'd been bust-ups before, this wasn't the first,
Meanwhile the players were dying of thirst.
Cos the FAI made a deal for some energy drink,
But they forgot to bring it, so what did Roy think?
"You're some l@nger!" he screamed at Mick,
While Duff explained to Jason that 'l@nger' meant '*****'.
So Roy packed his bags and went to bed,
To rest all the blood that rushed to his head.
He said he'd go home, but would he really?
Meanwhile Mick had called up Colin Healy.
"We need you Colin, pack your bag,
You're in the squad coz Roy lost the rag."
Roy rang Alex, who was at home in his gaff,
And Alex said "Roy, you're havin' a laugh!"
"You're at the World Cup, the centre stage,
Put a cork in your murderous rage!"
So Roy changed his mind and decided to stay,
And told Mick it's cool, he just had a bad day.
The next day Roy told his story in the papers,
But Mick had enough of his captain's capers
He called a meeting, and Jason got lost,
And Roy was asked to explain to the boss.
What it was that was getting him down,
Roy's vein popped out, and he made that frown.
"Obviously as I said like, at the end of the day,
I am the captain and I want my own way."
"I want keepers to train, and I want a decent pitch,
And a decent manager, you son-of-a-bitch!"
Quinner, Kelly and Stan stood up tall,
And said "Roy, you're not the only one who can kick a ball!"
"And Roy said "I know, Duff can play too,
And other Keane and Reid, but Christ look at you!
You're has-beens, you're muppets who can't take the heat,
And Quinn you can head, but did you know you have feet?!"
Mick said "That's it, you're taking the p'iss",
As Jason arrived and said "What did I miss?"
Roy was not welcome, and told to go home,
And in true FAI style, they got RyanAir on the phone.
There weren't any flights until the next day,
So Roy went to bed while the whole country prayed.
Please help us Jebus, Bertie and the Pope,
Because without Roy in Japan, we haven't a hope.
