Ok, so we’re on the cusp of another set of pre-season games as we head towards our second crack at Premier Division survival in 3 years. And let’s be honest, pre-season games won’t really tell us anything right? Anyone remember our unbeaten pre-season run prior to our last Premier appearance? Or our encouraging victories over Pats and Bray last year? That’s right, it’s only false hope. And if anything, Bray proved last year that getting turned over in 90% of your pre-season games means that you’ll have a great year!
So when in need of a true barometer of form to come, turn to the tried and tested formula of Maynard’s Dublin City F.C Pro Evolution Soccer Master League team. Before I start not all the new players have been signed yet (well basically not the 2 ex-Rovers lads and Mick O‘Donell) but most of the 2006 is here;
Gary Rogers: Very solid. Decent in the air and a very handy shot stopper. Only fault is he occasionally parries shots into the danger zone. Verdict: He will do very well for us.
Derek Pender: Steps up to the Premier mark without too much fuss. Trademark tackling and strong running up the right flank still in tact. Unlikely to deliver more than one wonder goal per year. Verdict: Will be 1st choice right full, and his pace will get him out of most scrapes.
Robbie Hedderman: Hmmm. Flatters to deceive on occasion. Produces a few solid matches only to undermine your faith in him buy trying to nutmeg Roberto Baggio on the edge of his own box, allowing Baggio to net the 3 points for Longford Town. Verdict: Will struggle to make the starting 11.
Ben Whelehan: Will be captain this season, and more often than not will lead by example. Always scores a lot of goals from corners in the Master League, so I expect him to do the same in the Premier Division. Verdict: Will win Player of the Year again. (jinx)
Alan Keely: His unorthodox style, can be comical but effective. Flaying at attacking with boots and beard he can put the fear of God into teams. Tends to play better against the likes of Sligo’s Van Nistelrooy than against lesser sides, and has a tendency to boot the ball needlessly out of the stadium on occasion. Verdict: Will feature strongly in the side.
Damien “Daisy” Brennan: Looks like he could be a jack of all trades and a master of none. Dully effective at either left or right full, will go largely unnoticed and get on with the job. Will never score, will never take a free kick and will never win man of the match. He will however prove invaluable when Roy Keane puts half of your back four on the treatment table. Verdict: Will have more small roles to play than a Monty Python actor.
Stuart Malcolm: The only non-Irish born player in the squad. And perhaps a bit of the Bravehearted beard-wearing arse-bearing gene is what a team like us needs. Unfortunately Malcolm is barely effective as deputy centre-half, and bears an uncanny likeness to Trevor Vaughan wading through custard up front. Verdict: Intimidating to look at, but unfortunately useless.
Mark Rooney: Very fast. Will feature heavily on the left wing. Can go past people. But crossing can be a let down. Won’t score more than 3 goals, but may well set up a few. Verdict: Will do ok.
Dave McGill: I have insisted that he plays out of position in centre midfield, as I’m worried that playing him in his natural position might disorientate him. Verdict: Will do very well despite my best efforts, and score about 5 goals to boot.
Paul Crowley: Crowley will make a fantastic return. The crowds will sing to the tune of Brown girl in the ring; “Crowley is a Dub, tra-la-la-la-la, Crowley is a Dub tra-la-la-la-la-la” Verdict: May get Player of the season, will break a leg and score 4 goals.
Paul Shields: Shielo will find it hard to break into the midfield, and when he does his team-mates will find it even harder to understand him (Although Stuart Malclom may reply to him from the touchline in an ancient dialect of Scots Gaelic) Verdict: Bit part player.
Robbie Collins: Again I will insist on playing Robbie out of position, and may indeed confuse him even more by referring to him on match days as “James” He will play wide right, get some decent crosses in and only score 2 goals. Verdict: Will remain a Dublin City hero.
David Freeman: Freer will be first choice striker all season. Will play with his back to goal and try to link up with McCarthy round the back (steady on!) His touch and composure will make him the club’s leading goalscorer in 2006. Verdict: Will have a punch-up with Crowley over who takes the peno’s.
Ger McCarthy: Occasionally displays the touch of a blind goose trapped in a rucksack, but will more than likely make up for it with his blistering pace. Will link up well with Freeman, and start up front most weeks. Verdict: Will do fine, and bag 3 less goals then Freeman.
Overall Verdict: City must battle hard every week, try and turn over the teams around them early in the season, and not be afraid to defend a lot when playing the big 4 teams. If they can do that and maintain a singular goal in the camp they won’t be relegated.
So there you have it, no need for pre-season. Get to the bookies while you still can…
