Dundalk v the vermin? May the pesticide win
By Paul Doyle of the Irish Times: 06/02/02:
My friend Horace is moody at the best of times, and that makes about as much sense as he does.
I've told ye about him before actually - he's the half-wit who says if you're Irish you're first and foremost obliged to support a League of Ireland club.
I haven't been out with him in a while, but I went looking for him yesterday and found him planting shamrocks in my local park. I invited him for a pint. He accepted, and arrived in the pub about 45 minutes after me because he had refused a lift (my car is Japanese) and then stopped to argue with some perfidious youth who, Horace somehow detected, wasn't playing U2 on his walkman. In fairness, Horace is an awful ******.
The reason I wanted to speak to him was because I've come across a new reason not to go to League of Ireland matches.
Like offers of sex, it is generally accepted that watching messieurs Zidane, Vieira, or Trézéguet is more exciting and instructive than watching Trevor Molloy, Donal Broughan, and Danny Spiller. LoI fans have never claimed the contrary. Instead (and once you've rejected all their lame fundamentalism), they try to convince you to follow them because the craic and banter of live football can never be experienced from your armchair. Which is true.
There are many fine reasons to trot along to your local ground but if you're contemplating it, be sure to first of all find out the answer to this question: "Will this experience of live football be any different from standing for 90 minutes in the grimiest of public toilets with a litter of life-forms so low and rancid even David Attenborough might call for them to be shot?"
In most cases, of course, the answer will be "yes, matchdays are a great lark round here", especially when Derry are in town with their jolly band of drummers and merry songsters. But if you're unlucky you could wind up at a display which will have you vowing not only to never return to a LoI match, but possibly never to get out of bed again.
You might, for example, have been tempted to wander on down to Dalymount Park two weeks ago to see Bohemians take on Shamrock Rovers. But your enjoyment of the game might have been spoiled by the Bohs fans who thought it would be a laugh to jeer Rovers's keeper Tony O'Dowd about his brother's tragic death.
When O'Dowd reacted, two golf-balls were fired in his direction. Mighty craic to some people, no doubt, but I reckon everyone else in the ground wanted to see a happy ending - like the cretinous villains being put over the knees of some ban garda and spanked till their cheeks bled. Or at least just booted out of the ground.
But nothing happened.
Or you might, for example, find yourself in Dundalk's Oriel Park on a night when some of the local intelligentsia have sidled into the ground and spotted a player whose skin is, holy Mary mother of god, not quite as white as an exposed ribcage - it may even be brown or black or one of those foreign-type textures that don't show up freckles.
You will then hear strange chants and monkey noises whenever such a player goes near the ball. Charles Mbabazi Livingstone of St Pats could confirm that. And so could Avery John and Mark Rutherford of Bohs. Indeed, so could Longford's Eric Lavine, who didn't even have to go to Oriel to be abused, since Dundalk's idiot contingent somehow managed to organize a trip to Flancare Park.
It's only a minority of course, and there's no doubt most Dundalk players, officials, and fans are salubrious sorts. And many of these might complain about being picked on and point to other grounds where racist cant has occurred this season. But that's neither here nor there (it's probably everywhere). If people have seen the skidmarks on your underpants, you just give 'em a wash!
By being highlighted, Dundalk has the chance to set a standard for other clubs. You probably remember last season when Sinisa Mihajlovic was hauled out in front of Lazio fans to apologise for racially abusing Patrick Vieira; and earlier this season Rome's local authorities threatened to close Lazio's ground if the club didn't find a way of shutting up fascist ultras. Everton recently warned its fans it would ban them from attending away games after some of them booed black players at Leicester.
Dundalk chairman Des Denning has claimed he would ban racist fans from Oriel if he could identify them. He asked for decent fans to come forward with names. Dundalk's average attendance is not 50,000, you don't need close-circuit cameras to pick out fools. Yet no fans came forward, no one has been banned, and nothing has changed.
In a way, you could understand if LoI clubs were reluctant to kick fans out - they need as many as they can get. But if the clubs - and the fun-loving fans - let a few dozen gits sully the atmosphere, then soon gits are all they'll get.
[ireland.com]
