"In Speech, Bush Calls Iraq, Iran and North Korea 'Axis of Evil" --
N.Y.Times, 1/30
Beijing, Friday: Bitter after being snubbed for membership in the "Axis
of Evil," Libya, China, and Syria today announced they had formed the
"Axis of Just as Evil," which they said would be way eviler than the
Iran-Iraq-North Korea axis President Bush warned of in his State of the
Union address.
Axis of Evil members, however, immediately dismissed the new axis as
having, for starters, a really dumb name.
Diplomats from Syria denied they were jealous over being excluded,
although they conceded they did ask if they could join the Axis of Evil.
"They told us it was full," said Syrian President Bashar al-Assad.
"An Axis can't have more than three countries," explained Iraqi
President Saddam Hussein. "This is not my rule, it's tradition. In World
War II you had Germany, Italy, and Japan in the evil Axis. So you can
only have three. And a secret handshake."
THE AXIS PANDEMIC
International reaction to Bush's Axis of Evil declaration was swift, as
within minutes, France surrendered.
Elsewhere, peer-conscious nations rushed to gain triumvirate status in
what became a game of geopolitical chairs. Cuba, Sudan, and Serbia said
they had formed the Axis of Somewhat Evil, forcing Somalia to join with
Uganda and Myanmar in the Axis of Occasionally Evil, while Bulgaria,
Indonesia and Russia established the Axis of Not So Much Evil Really As
Just Generally Disagreeable.
With the criteria suddenly expanded and all the desirable clubs filling
up, Sierra Leone, El Salvador, and Rwanda applied to be called the Axis
of Countries That Aren't the Worst But Certainly Won't Be Asked to Host
the Olympics; Canada, Mexico, and Australia formed the Axis of Nations
That Are Actually Quite Nice But Secretly Have Nasty Thoughts About
America, while Spain, Scotland, and New Zealand established the Axis of
Countries That Be Allowed to Ask Sheep to Wear Lipstick.
"That's not a threat, really, just something we like to do," said
Scottish Executive First Minister Jack McConnell.
While wondering if the other nations of the world weren't perhaps making
fun of him, a cautious Bush granted approval for most axes, although he
rejected the establishment of the Axis of Countries Whose Names End in
"Guay," accusing one of its members of filing a false application.
Officials from Paraguay, Uruguay, and Chadguay denied the charges.
Israel, meanwhile, insisted it didn't want to join any Axis, but
privately, world leaders said that's only because no one asked them.
