My Momma Told Me There'd Be Days Like This...

My Mother taught me about Envy...
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

My Mother taught me about Behavior Modification...
"Stop Acting like your father!"



My Mother taught me about the Circle of Life...
"I brought you into this world and I can take you out."

My Mother taught me about Stamina...
"You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished."



My Mother taught me about the science of Osmosis...
"Shut your mouth and eat your dinner!"

My Mother taught me about Contartionism...
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!"



My Mother taught me Irony...
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about."

My Mother taught me to appreciate a job well done.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside... I just finished cleaning."



My Mother taught me about Time Travel...
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

My Mother taught me about Foresight...
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."



My Mother taught me about Logic...
"Because I said so, that's why."