Science: Bread Is Dangerous

1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are
bread users.

2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-
consuming households score below average on
standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was
baked in the home, the average life expectancy
was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were
unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth;
and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and
influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. More than 90 percent of violent crimes are committed
within 24 hours of eating bread.

5. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects
deprived of bread and given only water to eat, begged
for bread after as little as two days.

6. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the
user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut
butter, and even cream cheese.

7. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the
human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows
that eating bread could lead to your body being taken
over by this absorptive food product, turning you into
a soggy, gooey, bread-pudding person.

8. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

9. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 450
degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an
adult in less than two minutes.

10. Most American bread eaters are utterly unable
to distinguish between significant scientific fact and
meaningless statistical babbling.

Note: Bagel holes seem to be relatively safe...and
inexpensive, too.