The scenario
Crystal Palace vs WBA last night (the motivated vs the already promoted). A win for Palace sends Sheffield Wednesday down. If not the two meet in the last game of the season. I bought my tickets a month ago.
Not since Bulgaria vs Scotland in 1987 have I watched a game not involving Ireland with such a fist around my heart. The game is on Sky. I settle down in front of the TV. The wife ups and leaves to watch Corrie in the kitchen. She doesn't reappear until the game is over. She knows when to stay clear.
The Game
Usual pre-match interviews. Paul Hart (Palace manager): "Wonderful club". "Great fans" "Amazing players". I hate them all. I hate Hart and his shiny bald head. I hate the Palace fans, I hate the players, I hate London. I love WBA.
Game starts. I hate the referee. Awards frees to Palace all over the place. I hate the linesman who gets three offsides wrong but most of all I hate Stephen Reid who scores an OG for Palace. Why did he ever recover from injury? Why is he on loan at WBA? Why didn't he stay with slapped ars+ face Allardyce at Blackburn? WBA soon equalise but don't get excited. 70 minutes still to go. I keep getting this vision of the Palace fans running on to the pitch and celebrating survival - go away. Albion then miss at least 5 gilt edged chances. I hate their strikers. Half time. 1-1. It's going to be a long 45 minutes.
Second half same as first as WBA miss chance after chance. Palace barely in the game. Commentator says "These missed chances could come back to haunt Albion". I hate the commentator but I know he's right. 10 minutes to go and a Palace player gets sent off for head butting an opponent. Text from my friend: "Surely Palace can't win it now". I know he's only imitating George Hamilton but I hate him.
Palace now bring on 2 more forwards including Alan Lee. He's never done anything for Ireland. What's the betting he'll score a last minute winner. I hate him and his stupid haircut especially since he is proving a handful. 5 minutes to go. The Wednesday manager in the stand can't watch any more. He leaves the ground. Chri*t, Lee is through on goal one and one with the keeper who saves. Carson I love you. No wonder you don't play for Ireland! Another chance for Palace which is headed wide. Meanwhile WBA miss 3 at the other end. It's going to happen. I know it is.
6 minutes of injury time. WBA look vulnerable every time Palace attack. Lots of pictures of Palace fans biting their nails. I am down to my knuckles. 5 minutes gone. Another Palace attack and a desperate last minute block prevents a shot on goal. Surely that was their last chance but WBA can't hold on to the ball. I hate all their players. Everyone is in the WBA box. 5 minutes 55 seconds and the ball breaks to an umarked Palace player to the right hand side of the box. Two Albion players scurry over to try and block the shot. They are too late. He shoots. It beats the keeper. Noooooooooooooooooooo. It can't be. It's going in but from someplace an Albion player arrives and at full stretch clears the ball off the line. God I love that defender. Final whistle. 1-1. No Palace fans on the pitch. Hart is despondent. Hah!
Apres Match:
Wife reappears. Asks what happened. I said a draw. She asks in that good? I explain. She smiles and says she's going to bed. I come up an hour later. She's asleep. I can't sleep. I still see that miss in my mindseye. What must it have felt like for a Palace fan? Who cares?
I hated every minute of it but I wouldn't have missed it for the world.
In my 45 or so years I have had very few Carlsberg moments:
(i) Shamrock Rovers beat Waterford in 1968 3-0 in the FAI Cup Final in front of 40,000 people at Dalymount.
(ii) Gary Mackay scored the winner for Scotland against Bulgaria in 1987.
(iii) Ireland beat England 1-0 in 1988.
(iv) Wednesday beat Man U 1-0 in the Rumbleows Cup Final in 1991 (Italia 90 doesn't appear because my father was terminally ill at the time).
(v) Ireland beat Italy 1-0 in the USA in 1994.
(vi) Robbie Keane's last minute equaliser vs Germany in 2002.
Six in 45 years of following football. Would it be too much to ask for a 7th this weekend? Probably.
Rovers apart, when you follow teams which you expect to lose, winning gives such a buzz until the next week but you fear the worst every game. I cannot understand when I hear Irish fans talking with confidence before a game. Even before games against San Marino or Andorra I worry.
I will hate every moment of next Sunday but whatever the result, I wouldn't trade the experience of going to the game for anything.
Football, when it's in the blood, there's nothing like it no matter who you support.
