Printable View
Not just any old Joke, but your favourite of all time. You only get one joke in the thread, so make it count; I've reinstalled the Thanks hack just for the thread, so no dumb "tanks" or "lol" replies please!
I'll do a separate thread for dirty jokes with a NSFW title some other time.
What do you call Postman Pat when he retires. Pat.
Sorry, has been cracking me up since I was 10 years old.
A women from Monaghan goes to her local doctor with a banana stuck in one ear, a carrot in the other and two peas stuck up her nose. She says ''Doc, I'm not feeling well at all". "Of course you're not" says the Doc, "You're not eating right!".
Did you hear about that British resort that was overrun by pigeons?
It was quite a coo
How do you kill a circus?
Go for the juggler.
There is an old woman at a bus stop in a wheel chair, the bus driver pulls up,opens the door, and says "how'ya gettin on?"
(sounds better when its spoken)
I once dated a dolphin, we just clicked.
===========
A guy walks into a bar with a Salmon under his arm and says, "Do you sell fish cakes here?"
Bartender: No we don't.
Guy: That's a shame, it's his birthday.
bear walks into a bar,approches the counter,barman says what can I get ya,bear says pint of................................................ .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ..........bud
barman says why the big paws
Two cannibals sitting at a camp fire eating a freshly cooked clown,one cannibal turns to the other and says "Does this taste funny to you?".
A magician, working on a cruise liner, was getting an awful time from the ship's parrot.
Every night, performance after performance, the parrot would perch at the side of the stage, and at the climax of the show, reveal the secret of the trick to the audience.
"It's inside the hat!" he would squawk when the rabbit disappeared. "She's behind the screen!" when the beautiful assistant vanished. "Four midgets, big hands!!"* when the man was sawn in half.
All this was driving the magician to distraction, but he could never get close enough to the bird to silence it, and it seemed to delight in taunting him and exposing every trick of his trade.
Then one night the ship ripped herself open on a reef, and sank to the bottom with indecent haste, taking most of her complement with her.
The next morning the magician woke to find himself clinging to a piece of wreckage in the open ocean, and there, perched on the corner, was the parrot.
The bird stared at him with his head on it's side for all of twenty minutes, until finally it squawked, "Alright, I give up. What did you do with the ship?"
* even a Sean Lock gag for free. :D