Cheer me up!

[Magicme]

Just had someone shouting down the phone at me coz they misinterpreted something I wrote and now am all annoyed. Trying to do match report and notes and cant concentrate coz I feel sick.

Someone give me something to smile about so can do my work!

[dahamsta]

Cheer up ya wussy bitch. No offense like.

(I got threatened with legal action by a moron today, cheer me up.)

[Paddyfield]

HOPE THIS WORKS......


A normal 30 something, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a vacation. He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.

He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore. In disbelief, he asks,

"Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed from the other side of the island.

I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he said. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. "I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says.

After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?"

"No! No thank you," he blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

It's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts and they sit down on her couch to talk.

After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor in the bathroom cabinet."

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What next?"

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?"

She stares into his eyes. He can't believe what he's hearing.

"You mean...", and he swallows excitedly and tears start to
form in his eyes
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"Don't tell me you've got Sky Sports"


.

[Magicme]

Yeah saw that. What is wrong with some people! Sometimes you cant do right no matter how you try. The blonde bleach must have seeped into my brains making me incapable of thinking straight and thats why I get myself into trouble! So what's your excuse dahamsta? :p

Oh and you made me laugh so no offence taken!

[dahamsta]

Bannage. Obviously. :)

adam /natural blond

[Magicme]

Thanks Paddyfield that did make me laugh too!

[strangeirish]

Just had someone shouting down the phone at me coz they misinterpreted something I wrote and now am all annoyed. Trying to do match report and notes and cant concentrate coz I feel sick.
Someone give me something to smile about so can do my work!
Was it Monkfish????....ROFLMAO:D

[Paddyfield]

Sit back and think of Monaghan United playing away to Barcelona in the Champions League in 2009

[Magicme]

I wish! Wouldnt have to worry bout the consequences as much if it had been.

God I wish it was as easy as thinkin bout playin in Europe.

[dahamsta]

Monaghan has a football club?

Who knew!?

adam

[Anto McC]

Judging from the last time i went there for a game, very few people.

[Magicme]

Smartarses the pair of ya!

[paul_oshea]

Monaghan has a football club?

Who knew!?

adam

ya, they do, got to an all ireland quarter final this year :D :p

[Magicme]

Oi Mr O'Shea behave. That was the County not Monaghan Harps!

[cheifo]

"Nobody can make you feel bad about yourself unless you give them your prior permission"
Roosvelt(I think:))

[Magicme]

I dont usually let things like this get to me but it may have negative implications for the club and after my family, fella, friends and football nothing else really matters to me!

[cheifo]

What? Football last on the list.Get your priorities right young lady!;)

[Magicme]

I know shocking. My kids would say it comes first but I have to try and come across as having some sorta balance in my life!

[sligoman]

Get your priorities right young lady!;)Young?:eek:

*runs away now*:D

[atfconline]

Young?:eek:

*seconds this*









*runs away even quicker*

[Magicme]

atfconline - you can run but you cant hide! I know where you live remember!

Sligoman - a word in one of your team's ear and you will be in trouble so behave!

[Monkfish]

Was it Monkfish????....ROFLMAO:D

Mr Fish is sad at these accusations. :(

[CollegeTillIDie]

Magicme

Ok You're Irish , female and good looking. You're in a tiny minority that should make your smirk :D

[Magicme]

You mister College man are a sweetie!

[the 12 th man]

A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.

She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.

"That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more."

So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

The first floor has wives that love sex.

The second floor has wives that love sex and have money.

The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.:D

[Green Tribe]

very good 12th man :D

[Lim till i die]

If it cheers anyone on here up, I've had a rather good week :)

Magicme, just remember you have scores of Limerickmen sleping on various parts of your floor to look forward to next weekend :eek: :p

[Magicme]

That doesn't cheer me up! That scares the bejaysus outta me! :D

Oh and of course you had a good week, bloody student sleeping to late afternoon and playing PS3 for the hours you are awake!

Enjoy today too. ;)

[Green Tribe]

If it cheers anyone on here up, I've had a rather good week

Magicme, just remember you have scores of Limerickmen sleping on various parts of your floor to look forward to next weekend :eek:

Is this the seedy apartments again ??!! :eek::D

[Magicme]

Ha ha. No it is my family home that houses my 2 children and myself. We live beside Kingspan Century Park and due to my friendship with the Limerick lads I have opened the doors to them on a few occasions this year already and will allow them to take up any bed/floor space available for the last game of the season. (my kids will be safely packed off to my parents!)

yeah it is seedy! Wanna join us??

[Wolfie]

Ha ha. No it is my family home that houses my 2 children and myself. We live beside Kingspan Century Park and due to my friendship with the Limerick lads I have opened the doors to them on a few occasions this year already and will allow them to take up any bed/floor space available for the last game of the season. (my kids will be safely packed off to my parents!)

yeah it is seedy! Wanna join us??

What's for dinner - Colcannon, Bubble and Squeek, Boxty or Goody?

[Magicme]

MonDogs!

[Wolfie]

MonDogs!

Nice!

[Green Tribe]

Ha ha. No it is my family home that houses my 2 children and myself. We live beside Kingspan Century Park and due to my friendship with the Limerick lads I have opened the doors to them on a few occasions this year already and will allow them to take up any bed/floor space available for the last game of the season. (my kids will be safely packed off to my parents!)

yeah it is seedy! Wanna join us??

No, I'm scared of knives :eek:

[cheifo]

I have had a MonDog this year and while I am not considered a connesieur of the pallet it was very very tasty. :)
Proably helped that we won 4-0.

[SligoBrewer]

Just had someone shouting down the phone at me coz they misinterpreted something I wrote and now am all annoyed. Trying to do match report and notes and cant concentrate coz I feel sick.

Someone give me something to smile about so can do my work!

ye not me, magicme..

see it can always be worse

[Magicme]

Aw whats up Mr Brewer? Can I be of assistance now that all is right with my world again?

And I expected better from you Green Tribe. Stereotyping like that! Its a typically Fermanagh thing to do! :p

Chiefo, we do our best for you and "roll over for you" (according to Dundalk fans) and you cant repay the favour by beating Athlone for us? Will make sure the Mondogs poision you when you come back down to the 1st Division. :mad:

[Paddyfield]

MonDogs!

Can MonDogs be bought on-line? I'd love one right now.

[Sam_Heggy]

Ha ha. No it is my family home that houses my 2 children and myself. We live beside Kingspan Century Park and due to my friendship with the Limerick lads I have opened the doors to them on a few occasions this year already and will allow them to take up any bed/floor space available for the last game of the season. (my kids will be safely packed off to my parents!)

yeah it is seedy! Wanna join us??

Jeez I was gonna go to Kilkenny but now............................. :p