Sheridan
22/06/2007, 7:17 AM
In memory of the Friday Joke which graced the old EL forum for so many years, I present herein a lightbulb joke for every club in the league (and some that aren't.) Before I scurry for cover, a couple of quick jabs at targets we can all unite against.
How many eircom League referees does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just pick one at random, they all screw things up on a weekly basis.
How many FAI officials does it take to change a lightbulb?
Several. One to examine the feasibility of appointing a committe to recommend the commissioning of a report to ascertain the most expeditious means of acquiring a replacement lightbulb, and an indeterminate number to cower in the dark hoping the lightbulb will, in time, change itself.
How many Athlone Town fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
54. One to read up on this strange new techonology, one to shield his eyes from the glare, one to try and flog a ramshackle pile of barbed wire, bricks and sand which came from St. Mel's, one to point out that that is St. Mel's, and fifty oulfellas to drone on and on and on about John bleedin' Minnock.
How many Bohemians fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
23. One to reluctantly change the lightbulb, ten to moan about the wattage, ten more to moan about the ten moaning about the wattage, five of the original ten who moaned about the wattage to moan about the ten moaning about the ten moaning about the wattage AND about the five still moaning about the wattage AND about the wattage, all 21 to blame it on Shels and two to hold up pictures of missing children.
How many Bray Wanderers fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
2 1/2. One to change the lightbulb, one to thaw him out afterwards and a scruffy little scrote of a kid to charge around p1ssing everyone off.
How many Cóbh Ramblers fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One sturdy Cóbh lad and his mother and sister.
How many Cork City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but afterwards he insists that there were 9,999 others present.
How many Derry City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to play the ****king harmonica while he does it.
How many Drogheda United fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One to abduct Paul Doolin and two to restrain him while the fourth screws his head in.
How many Dublin City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. It's not broken, it was repossessed.
How many Dundalk fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know, but someone do it quick before they have to get the matches out.
How many Finn Harps fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Don't bother, as soon as it shines it'll be off to Derry.
How many Galway United fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to speed-dial John Delaney and the other to click his brass while he does it for them.
[NB: Punchline may or may not have been revised on legal advice.]
How many Kildare County fans...actually, forget it.
How many Kilkenny City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Jim Rhatigan.
How many Limerick 37 fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
"Arra Paudie, leave it off and tell them it's Old Trafford."
How many Longford Town fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
"Shhh. We're hiding."
How many Monaghan United fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
No-one cares!
How many Shamrock Rovers fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
The Board of Shamrock Rovers Football Club would like to make it clear that, contrary to sensationalist reports in the media, no lightbulbs have been broken. Additionally, any lightbulb vandalism which did occur was undoubtedly the work of a tiny minority of fans. Furthermore, the Board wish to clarify that this tiny minority does not exist. Due to the unrelenting persecution of our club in the national media, the Board has been forced to place the matter in the hands of its solicitors - Fibb, Bluff & Bluster.
How many Shelbourne fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to pay the ESB bill, one to fetch a stepladder and three to stand on one another's shoulders.
How many Sligo Rovers fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to claim the lightbulb is being outshone by the summer sun, one to tell him he's talking through his hole and one to point out that it's been nicked by Bohs and replace it with a substandard English model.
How many St. Patrick's Athletic fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
1,501. One to place the lightbulb in the wrong socket, and 1,500 to proclaim it "The Real Lightbulb" and go on about it for five years.
How many UCD fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
"Lightbulb? Do you think we're made of money? This 19th century gas lantern provides sufficient illumination for all five of us, thank you very much. Lightbulb indeed! I hardly think we achieved the lowest debt burden in the eircom League by lavishing money on extravagances such as lightbulbs! Come here, let me show you some figures which prove conclusively that...OWW!"
How many Waterford United fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
All of them. One to assert that this would never have happened under Jimmy McGeough and demand that something be done, and everyone else to agree with him and do nothing.
How many Wexford Youths fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five (and Pat Dolan.) One to fetch Mick Wallace to fix the bulb, four to restrain Peter Stringfellow while he tries to retrieve his hair, and Pat Dolan to bellow encouragement without actually helping.
How many eircom League referees does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just pick one at random, they all screw things up on a weekly basis.
How many FAI officials does it take to change a lightbulb?
Several. One to examine the feasibility of appointing a committe to recommend the commissioning of a report to ascertain the most expeditious means of acquiring a replacement lightbulb, and an indeterminate number to cower in the dark hoping the lightbulb will, in time, change itself.
How many Athlone Town fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
54. One to read up on this strange new techonology, one to shield his eyes from the glare, one to try and flog a ramshackle pile of barbed wire, bricks and sand which came from St. Mel's, one to point out that that is St. Mel's, and fifty oulfellas to drone on and on and on about John bleedin' Minnock.
How many Bohemians fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
23. One to reluctantly change the lightbulb, ten to moan about the wattage, ten more to moan about the ten moaning about the wattage, five of the original ten who moaned about the wattage to moan about the ten moaning about the ten moaning about the wattage AND about the five still moaning about the wattage AND about the wattage, all 21 to blame it on Shels and two to hold up pictures of missing children.
How many Bray Wanderers fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
2 1/2. One to change the lightbulb, one to thaw him out afterwards and a scruffy little scrote of a kid to charge around p1ssing everyone off.
How many Cóbh Ramblers fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One sturdy Cóbh lad and his mother and sister.
How many Cork City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one, but afterwards he insists that there were 9,999 others present.
How many Derry City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to change the lightbulb and one to play the ****king harmonica while he does it.
How many Drogheda United fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Four. One to abduct Paul Doolin and two to restrain him while the fourth screws his head in.
How many Dublin City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. It's not broken, it was repossessed.
How many Dundalk fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
I don't know, but someone do it quick before they have to get the matches out.
How many Finn Harps fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Don't bother, as soon as it shines it'll be off to Derry.
How many Galway United fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Two. One to speed-dial John Delaney and the other to click his brass while he does it for them.
[NB: Punchline may or may not have been revised on legal advice.]
How many Kildare County fans...actually, forget it.
How many Kilkenny City fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Jim Rhatigan.
How many Limerick 37 fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
"Arra Paudie, leave it off and tell them it's Old Trafford."
How many Longford Town fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
"Shhh. We're hiding."
How many Monaghan United fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
No-one cares!
How many Shamrock Rovers fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
The Board of Shamrock Rovers Football Club would like to make it clear that, contrary to sensationalist reports in the media, no lightbulbs have been broken. Additionally, any lightbulb vandalism which did occur was undoubtedly the work of a tiny minority of fans. Furthermore, the Board wish to clarify that this tiny minority does not exist. Due to the unrelenting persecution of our club in the national media, the Board has been forced to place the matter in the hands of its solicitors - Fibb, Bluff & Bluster.
How many Shelbourne fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five. One to pay the ESB bill, one to fetch a stepladder and three to stand on one another's shoulders.
How many Sligo Rovers fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to claim the lightbulb is being outshone by the summer sun, one to tell him he's talking through his hole and one to point out that it's been nicked by Bohs and replace it with a substandard English model.
How many St. Patrick's Athletic fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
1,501. One to place the lightbulb in the wrong socket, and 1,500 to proclaim it "The Real Lightbulb" and go on about it for five years.
How many UCD fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
"Lightbulb? Do you think we're made of money? This 19th century gas lantern provides sufficient illumination for all five of us, thank you very much. Lightbulb indeed! I hardly think we achieved the lowest debt burden in the eircom League by lavishing money on extravagances such as lightbulbs! Come here, let me show you some figures which prove conclusively that...OWW!"
How many Waterford United fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
All of them. One to assert that this would never have happened under Jimmy McGeough and demand that something be done, and everyone else to agree with him and do nothing.
How many Wexford Youths fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Five (and Pat Dolan.) One to fetch Mick Wallace to fix the bulb, four to restrain Peter Stringfellow while he tries to retrieve his hair, and Pat Dolan to bellow encouragement without actually helping.