pete
25/10/2002, 2:30 PM
HOW TO SPEAK 'SKANG'!!!
In the interests of world peace and harmony, and to help the tourists and the hoity-toity people, our readers have come up with this handy guide to various popular traditional Skang expressions, and their nearest equivalent in "modren" English.
Take our easy-to-follow guide and you will soon be able to converse in Skang, or at least understand it without the subtitles.
Lesson #1: "General Everyday Expressions"
"Story, bud?" = "Good afternoon, fellow skanger, and how are you this fine day?"
"Here, Anto, look at dah, it's a fookin' red sun!" = "What a lovely panorama, the rich reds of the sunset, mingling with the azure of the Atlantic Ocean, combining to form the entire beauty of all creation in one calm view!"
"What? Her? She's beat!" = "Pardon me? That aforementioned lady? Her aesthetic values are somewhat dubious"
"Where the fook's me smokes? Lads, which of yis fookin c***s stole me fookin' smokes?" = "Excuse me, chaps, I seem to have mislaid my cigarettes. Would you have any idea as to the location of the aforesaid items?"
"I do in me boll*x" = "I certainly do not"
"Gerr up ta fook ya boll*x ya" = "Sir, you jest!"
"Ask me arse" = "I will not comply with your request."
"Wot da fook?" = "I am terribly sorry, good sir, but I did not catch that. Please would you be so kind as to repeat your question? What exactly do you mean by 'ask my arse?" Furthermore, I do not understand your motivation in answering a simple yes or no question with such an elongated reply"
"Got any odds on ya bud?" = "Sir, might I be so bold as to request some spare coinage from you?"
"Gerrup da yard!" = "I have serious reservations as to the validity of your previous comment, I am afraid to say."
"Here bud, got a smoke?" = "Excuse me, my friend, but i have misplaced my cigar, and am suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Dare I ask you therefore, if you have a cigar (or other nicotine product) to spare?"
"Culchie fooker" = "You, sir, are a poor country boy who doesn't know the way of us sophisticated big city folk"
"Gizmo woz here" = "A gentleman with said moniker 'Gizmo' was in the vicinity of this wall, upon which his signature has been applied with great flourish to prove his attendance"
"Votin'? Are ya bleedin g4y?" = "No no no Raynard, my father told me the real issue is not that some States will not have a Commissioner from time to time, but what is the status of the Commission when there are several countries without representation on it at the same time? We should not risk that - to diminish the Commission in this way is unacceptable. It is bad for the EU to have a Commission from which several member States were not represented. It would be incapable of representing the interests of the EU as a whole, and I quite frankly believe him."
In the interests of world peace and harmony, and to help the tourists and the hoity-toity people, our readers have come up with this handy guide to various popular traditional Skang expressions, and their nearest equivalent in "modren" English.
Take our easy-to-follow guide and you will soon be able to converse in Skang, or at least understand it without the subtitles.
Lesson #1: "General Everyday Expressions"
"Story, bud?" = "Good afternoon, fellow skanger, and how are you this fine day?"
"Here, Anto, look at dah, it's a fookin' red sun!" = "What a lovely panorama, the rich reds of the sunset, mingling with the azure of the Atlantic Ocean, combining to form the entire beauty of all creation in one calm view!"
"What? Her? She's beat!" = "Pardon me? That aforementioned lady? Her aesthetic values are somewhat dubious"
"Where the fook's me smokes? Lads, which of yis fookin c***s stole me fookin' smokes?" = "Excuse me, chaps, I seem to have mislaid my cigarettes. Would you have any idea as to the location of the aforesaid items?"
"I do in me boll*x" = "I certainly do not"
"Gerr up ta fook ya boll*x ya" = "Sir, you jest!"
"Ask me arse" = "I will not comply with your request."
"Wot da fook?" = "I am terribly sorry, good sir, but I did not catch that. Please would you be so kind as to repeat your question? What exactly do you mean by 'ask my arse?" Furthermore, I do not understand your motivation in answering a simple yes or no question with such an elongated reply"
"Got any odds on ya bud?" = "Sir, might I be so bold as to request some spare coinage from you?"
"Gerrup da yard!" = "I have serious reservations as to the validity of your previous comment, I am afraid to say."
"Here bud, got a smoke?" = "Excuse me, my friend, but i have misplaced my cigar, and am suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Dare I ask you therefore, if you have a cigar (or other nicotine product) to spare?"
"Culchie fooker" = "You, sir, are a poor country boy who doesn't know the way of us sophisticated big city folk"
"Gizmo woz here" = "A gentleman with said moniker 'Gizmo' was in the vicinity of this wall, upon which his signature has been applied with great flourish to prove his attendance"
"Votin'? Are ya bleedin g4y?" = "No no no Raynard, my father told me the real issue is not that some States will not have a Commissioner from time to time, but what is the status of the Commission when there are several countries without representation on it at the same time? We should not risk that - to diminish the Commission in this way is unacceptable. It is bad for the EU to have a Commission from which several member States were not represented. It would be incapable of representing the interests of the EU as a whole, and I quite frankly believe him."