Éanna
11/10/2002, 11:57 AM
We of the surrealist republican party on behalf of the
free people of the whole of Ireland demand the
unconditional surrender of Her Majesty's government
and the incorporation of the United Kingdom into the
Greater Irish Republic.
Failure to comply with this demand will result in the
following punitive measures:
1. We will continue to make you look stupid by winning
all the Nobel Prizes for Literature ahead of your
hopefuls while using your own daft language.
2. We will continue to allow Westlife to release
records and ensure through a craftily organised buying
campaign they are at number one for at least four
months a year. Remember - we have The Corrs in
reserve!
3. We will collectively continue to support Manchester
United and provide them with players of the calibre of
R** Keane & Denis Irwin . With our famous luck allied
to that talent, it will be a chilly day in hell before
anyone else gets a look in - though we may let
Liverpool and Arsenal win once or twice, for old
times' sake.
4. We will continue to send good looking lads and
lasses to the UK to marry your sons and daughters.
Since anyone with an Irish grandparent is an Irish
citizen, by our calculations the UK will be an Irish
colony within two more generations at current rates.
This is what we call 'the long plan'.
5. We will continue to be more charming than you lot,
ensuring that everyone in the world loves us and
despises you.
6. We will keep coming to London and taking all the
good jobs.
7. On those rare occasions when your rugby team are
going for the Grand Slam we will pull off a "surprise"
win.
8. And if all else fails, we'll send in Big Tom to do
a UK-wide tour, packaged with Red Hurley, Margo &
Daniel O'Donnell.
Truly a weapon of mass destruction.
TIOCFAIDH AR LA!!!
free people of the whole of Ireland demand the
unconditional surrender of Her Majesty's government
and the incorporation of the United Kingdom into the
Greater Irish Republic.
Failure to comply with this demand will result in the
following punitive measures:
1. We will continue to make you look stupid by winning
all the Nobel Prizes for Literature ahead of your
hopefuls while using your own daft language.
2. We will continue to allow Westlife to release
records and ensure through a craftily organised buying
campaign they are at number one for at least four
months a year. Remember - we have The Corrs in
reserve!
3. We will collectively continue to support Manchester
United and provide them with players of the calibre of
R** Keane & Denis Irwin . With our famous luck allied
to that talent, it will be a chilly day in hell before
anyone else gets a look in - though we may let
Liverpool and Arsenal win once or twice, for old
times' sake.
4. We will continue to send good looking lads and
lasses to the UK to marry your sons and daughters.
Since anyone with an Irish grandparent is an Irish
citizen, by our calculations the UK will be an Irish
colony within two more generations at current rates.
This is what we call 'the long plan'.
5. We will continue to be more charming than you lot,
ensuring that everyone in the world loves us and
despises you.
6. We will keep coming to London and taking all the
good jobs.
7. On those rare occasions when your rugby team are
going for the Grand Slam we will pull off a "surprise"
win.
8. And if all else fails, we'll send in Big Tom to do
a UK-wide tour, packaged with Red Hurley, Margo &
Daniel O'Donnell.
Truly a weapon of mass destruction.
TIOCFAIDH AR LA!!!