Locker Room from the Times

[NeilMcD]

Dear John letter to our football future
Tom Humphries



LockerRoom: John, this journalism lark has run its course for me, so I'm sitting down now to apply the final falsehoods to my application for the Irish soccer manager's job. I know, I know, I know, John, you have said you shall be out on the plains, like a quiffed Hemingway, big-name hunting rather than sitting indoors like some disgruntled clerk with a letter opener.

Fair play. So, John, I say to you as winsomely as possible: come and get me baby.

First, let me address the concerns which you have expressed, albeit obliquely, about the previous manager. John, you want a chap who will make the necessary changes at the right time in a big match. I am that chap. (You are right on football matters so often, John, that it shocks me that you haven't been invited to be a TV panellist.)

It is in this area of playing personnel that Brian Kerr made a critical bungle. On the bench against Switzerland he had no players of international quality. He virtually wrote his own P45. Your hands were tied, John. As the great Bill Veeck said once when he sacked one of his baseball managers, "It was either that or I had to go get me 25 new players."

Kerr sallied forth with no Chippy or no Gilesie. Silly man. All the preparation and passion in the world won't turn sows' ears into silk purses, and some of our players are no sows' ears.

Now, here's what I would do. I'd start with Giles and Brady in midfield and Stapo up front. Legends. I'd have Mark Lawrenson at the back with David O'Leary. I'd have Gerry Daly out wide, and up front - what the hell - I'd splurge and go for Don Givens in harness with Stapo. Just so we had plenty of width, I'd opt for Steve Heighway on the other wing. John, you'll notice I'm opting for a lot of fringes and quiffs here. The mark of a man, John. Lastly, Gerry Peyton between the sticks and Paddy Mulligan and Jimmy Holmes as the full backs.

Now that's a strong team. In 1977, they drew nil-all in Lansdowne with Bulgaria, thus failing to qualify for the 1978 World Cup. It was a three-team group and the lads came third. I could opt for them, as Gilesie himself did, or I could plump for the star-studded line-up with which Jack Charlton almost didn't qualify for Euro '88, until Gary Mackay scored that freak late winner against Bulgaria in Sofia. I could do that, or I could reunite the bunch with whom Mick McCarthy didn't go to France '98.

Any of those star-studded teams would buy a manager a second chance. We've seen that. Why didn't Kerr pick any of them instead of going with so many whiney mediocrities? Beats me.

As Irish manager, I will ask for more and I will do less, John. That's my pledge to you. I will make sure our great players are cryogenically preserved, making us the first nation to defy the aging process for the purposes of soccer. I will use the spare time to be high-profile and to do the sort of openings and nixers which reflect well on The Association.

Straight up, I should say, with due modesty, that I am uncontaminated by the National League. I had a youthful weakness for Bohs, but I'm straight now. As for youth players: I avoid them like chicken nuggets during a bird flu epidemic.

John, I don't bake the cake. I don't ice it. You bring me the cake and I'll put the cherry on the top. One million, baby. Netto.

This is a key time for Irish soccer, John, and there must be something brave and heroically crazy inside of you to make you want to be the figurehead. Looking at you, alone on the podium announcing that Brian Kerr had been rubbed out, I was stirred and inspired. Hence this application.

You are pointing us towards the promised land, a place of milk and honey in which winning is the only thing that matters. The beauty of living there is that we need to win just to survive. (Great title for the autobiography, by the way, whenever you get one of the loyal retainers to ghost it. Win To Survive!)

We're 70 million europeanos over budget on the new stadium wheeze and there hasn't been a shovel lifted in anger. To get a guy like me to do the management job is going to take at least a million a year, netto, and I'll have nowt to do with travelling to places like Gortakeegan on wet nights, thank you. You'll need a couple of the native sherpas for that sort of heavy lifting. Are they cheap?

(Speaking of help: I have taken the liberty of opening preliminary talks with that legend of the Irish game, Maurice Setters, about coming on board. The Hughton era is over. As I said to Chris one evening when I heard him disparage Maurice, "I knew Maurice Setters and you, Sir, are no Maurice Setters." He had no comeback.)

I think The Association is heading in the right direction and I want to be a first-class passenger on that journey, John.

I couldn't help chuckling at the spectacle of poor old Liam Tuohy being given a lifetime achievement award on the night of the Swiss game. Underneath the sound of all the clapping by people who couldn't pick Liam Tuohy out of a police line-up in which he was the only Caucasian, I could hear the scaffold being hammered together for Kerr. Closing my eyes and resting my chin on the fake sheepskin collar, I thought of that night when The Association permitted Tuohy to be rubbed out because Big Jack from England was new in town and wasn't to be bothered by any of the local yokels! Plus ca change!

Ah. We've always pined for a big man from abroad to give us some validation and discipline. I was born in England and have grown unfeasibly big. I can be that man, John.

It has been made clear enough, I think, to those chuckleheads in the domestic league rackets that what they may think or aspire to doesn't matter. This newsflash comes not a second before time. The big clubs in England don't bring Irish players through anymore. Chippy, Stapo and Davo? Crops like that will never be seen again. I blame the jinnyjoes who run the game here. They aren't making the Van Nistelrooys or the Henrys that the industry is looking for. Adapt or die fellas.

We have two options, John. We can work towards a new model of National League which will replicate the best European coaching structures and eventually produce games of higher quality and players of higher quality with a view to feeding those players into our national team. Sounds like bloody hard work, and for a mill a year I ain't getting out of bed to do it! Like the cut of my jib yet? There's more.

We can go back to shaking the trees for fellas who have Irish grannies. Men who feel passionate enough about this country that they would be willing to be pictured with a pint of Guinness and a green jersey. Why not? Or we can wait till the next time somebody mentions the words European Superleague and pray that somebody might put a few hundred million into a Dublin franchise that would fill the stadium that will bleed us dry otherwise. We can (with dignity) frantically hump that person's leg and hope that they produce some home-grown product for us.

I'm for holding our breaths till that happens! Seem like a plan?

Then there is the position of soccer in Irish society. It's heartening of course, John, that so many people still travel to Glasgow and Liverpool and Manchester on the weekend to see their local teams, but we shouldn't be complacent. There is no doubt having me move to a large house in Maida Vale, there to draw my huge salary and keep my household staff in order, would be a terrific shot in the arm for the domestic game. I will fly in to the Emerald Isle occasionally to open pubs and speak to television reporters. People love that. The Irish people are great fun and they've always been very good to me. Listen, John, win or lose we'll have a party and a sing-song because we have the greatest fans on earth and making them believe that is important.

John, I feel we have the GAA where we want them just now. Strategically, with their huge stadium, with their big games every Sunday, with their wall-to-wall television coverage, with that 2 million they are spending on coaching and development next year and with their network of clubs and local infrastructure, strategically John, they are cornered and they have no place to go.

For a couple of decades The Association has been emphasising that getting to World Cups and European championships is what matters. The dividend cheque is here now, John. We have won the war for the hearts and minds of the Irish people. Let's splurge! On me.

A series of steady hands on the FAI tiller has left us in an enviable position. The horny-handed sons of the Irish soil no longer dream of getting to Croke Park on All-Ireland Sunday. Nope, they dream of getting two years in digs while polishing boots and playing for the Chesterfield reserves and then coming home to catch up on their education. Keep hope alive, John, keep hope alive.

Working together, our strategy of growing Irish soccer from the top downwards can bring even greater prosperity, particularly to me. Being fourth seeds means even more big teams coming to Dublin. If we are to face into a period of prolonged mediocrity, the upside will be that as fifth or sixth seeds we will attract many more teams of higher standing than ourselves to the new Lansdowne. Where's the downside?

We stand on the threshold of a brave new era, John. Let's hold hands and jump together. You be Wallace. I'll be your Gromit.




© The Irish Times

[gustavo]

i have to say that is one of the funniest articles i've read all year !


As I said to Chris one evening when I heard him disparage Maurice, "I knew Maurice Setters and you, Sir, are no Maurice Setters." He had no comeback.)

this cracked me up!

a great antidote to all the anti kerr stuff . i can just see dion fanning writing something similar except not being ironic.

[pete]

We have two options, John. We can work towards a new model of National League which will replicate the best European coaching structures and eventually produce games of higher quality and players of higher quality with a view to feeding those players into our national team. Sounds like bloody hard work, and for a mill a year I ain't getting out of bed to do it! Like the cut of my jib yet? There's more.

We can go back to shaking the trees for fellas who have Irish grannies. Men who feel passionate enough about this country that they would be willing to be pictured with a pint of Guinness and a green jersey. Why not? Or we can wait till the next time somebody mentions the words European Superleague and pray that somebody might put a few hundred million into a Dublin franchise that would fill the stadium that will bleed us dry otherwise. We can (with dignity) frantically hump that person's leg and hope that they produce some home-grown product for us.

What more is there to say.

[wws]

I can see Dion Fanning dusting down a "source close to the FAI/the players/Liam Lawlor" as we speak

[OwlsFan]

Sure he's a good writer, but I have no time for him. He is primarily a GAA fan and published 100+ reasons why GAA is better than soccer. He was also the catalyst for Saipan which I won't easily forgive him for.

Not sure why Gary Mackay's goal "was a freak late winner". Only one team qualified and we had the most points above Bulgaria, Belgium, Scotland and Luxembourg. Nothing freakish about that.

Jack Charlton's "star studed line up" in 1988 included such world class players as Chris Morris (transferred by Sheff Wed because he couldn't get his game) and Barnsley's Mick McCarthy and two players (Houghton & Aldridge) were playing for lowly Oxford. We didn't have a Damien Duff, Robbie Keane or Roy Keane then. Some excellent players of course in McGrath, Whelan, Brady etc but there were many weakenesses in the team.

It is often said Charlton was a lucky manager. Injuries robbed him of Lawrenson and Brady for 1988 Finals, a fully fit Whelan for 1990 and Quinn/Cascarino for USA where world class Tommy Coyne had to play up front.

And since he mentions 1978, that was the group where we had a perfectly good goal disallowed in Paris (was there to see it) and an even more bizarre one scratched out in Bulgaria which I have seen on video numerous times and can only assume the linesman was on the take. No one even close to offside. It was unbelievable.

If I had time, I'd write a skit back in reply which could feature Israel prominently and the cameo appearances of DOherty. Might yet...watch this space.

[wws]

We didn't have a Damien Duff, Robbie Keane or Roy Keane then. .

funny that, I'd say we didnt have them this time out either.

[dynamo kerry]

Sure he's a good writer, but I have no time for him. He is primarily a GAA fan and published 100+ reasons why GAA is better than soccer. He was also the catalyst for Saipan which I won't easily forgive him for.


you don't have to like everything a good journalist says. it's the ones that you'd agree with on everything you have to watch - panderers and cheats.



Not sure why Gary Mackay's goal "was a freak late winner". Only one team qualified and we had the most points above Bulgaria, Belgium, Scotland and Luxembourg. Nothing freakish about that.


because the fact that he got the goal was freakish. scotland weren't meant to win - awful weather, long range speculative shot. and thank god for it.



Jack Charlton's "star studed line up" in 1988 included such world class players as Chris Morris (transferred by Sheff Wed because he couldn't get his game) and Barnsley's Mick McCarthy and two players (Houghton & Aldridge) were playing for lowly Oxford. We didn't have a Damien Duff, Robbie Keane or Roy Keane then. Some excellent players of course in McGrath, Whelan, Brady etc but there were many weakenesses in the team.

lowly oxford who had threatned a top ten finish in division on in 1986? won the league cup in 86 and also had irish legend dave langan. overachievers perhaps but 'lowly' I think not. mick mcarthy who went on to have a decent career with celtic and citeh? no world class but a decent pro in his day. the 88 side was pretty good. don't try and downplay it. how you can refer to houghton and aldridge as weakneses even if they were at oxford is baffling.



And since he mentions 1978, that was the group where we had a perfectly good goal disallowed in Paris (was there to see it) and an even more bizarre one scratched out in Bulgaria which I have seen on video numerous times and can only assume the linesman was on the take. No one even close to offside. It was unbelievable.


you're just backing up his point with this comment

good article. I don't like everything humphires writes.. but thats pretty good

[Jerry The Saint]

Sure he's a good writer, but I have no time for him. He is primarily a GAA fan and published 100+ reasons why GAA is better than soccer. He was also the catalyst for Saipan which I won't easily forgive him for.

Not sure why Gary Mackay's goal "was a freak late winner". Only one team qualified and we had the most points above Bulgaria, Belgium, Scotland and Luxembourg. Nothing freakish about that.

Jack Charlton's "star studed line up" in 1988 included such world class players as Chris Morris (transferred by Sheff Wed because he couldn't get his game) and Barnsley's Mick McCarthy and two players (Houghton & Aldridge) were playing for lowly Oxford. We didn't have a Damien Duff, Robbie Keane or Roy Keane then. Some excellent players of course in McGrath, Whelan, Brady etc but there were many weakenesses in the team.

It is often said Charlton was a lucky manager. Injuries robbed him of Lawrenson and Brady for 1988 Finals, a fully fit Whelan for 1990 and Quinn/Cascarino for USA where world class Tommy Coyne had to play up front.

And since he mentions 1978, that was the group where we had a perfectly good goal disallowed in Paris (was there to see it) and an even more bizarre one scratched out in Bulgaria which I have seen on video numerous times and can only assume the linesman was on the take. No one even close to offside. It was unbelievable.

If I had time, I'd write a skit back in reply which could feature Israel prominently and the cameo appearances of DOherty. Might yet...watch this space.

You know, if your name here was "UnitedFan" or "RedsFan" instead of "OwlsFan", I'd swear you were John Delaney himself! ;)

[wws]

If I had time, I'd write a skit back in reply which could feature Israel prominently and the cameo appearances of DOherty. Might yet...watch this space.


the same israel that drew home and away with france and switzerland? shureley not!

[elroy]

He is seriously biased toward the gaa, would not be my favourite journalist by any means.
Although he does speak alot of truth there about the state of Irish soccer, he always is much more critical and sarcastic towards our game than gaa or rugby.

[OwlsFan]

You know, if your name here was "UnitedFan" or "RedsFan" instead of "OwlsFan", I'd swear you were John Delaney himself! ;)

Much more handsome than him! :D

Hated the way he dealt with the Saipan mess when he wore his red devil's badge on his sleeve. Dunphy owned the airwaves at the time and the FAI's response I thought was poor. In reply to the Tommy Gormless interview, they should have supported the Manager and organised an interview between Mick and that guy who wrote his World Cup Journal - name's gone :confused:

It will be interesting to see what sort of job he makes as boss of the FAI. He seems to always win the power struggles but can he convert that into something tangible for Irish soccer.

[wws]

He is seriously biased toward the gaa, would not be my favourite journalist by any means.
Although he does speak alot of truth there about the state of Irish soccer, he always is much more critical and sarcastic towards our game than gaa or rugby.

maybe just maybe theres a lot more to be critical and sarcastic about in the way the fai run their affairs compared to the other two?

[elroy]

maybe just maybe theres a lot more to be critical and sarcastic about in the way the fai run their affairs compared to the other two?


Perhaps, but speaking from a grass roots level where Im involved with both soccer and gaa, I personnally feel there is more deep rooted problems in the gaa in relation to a number of matters, largely political. maybe Im just at a good soccer club.....

The gaa cocks up something in this country and its a bit of a laugh, the fai do and its because they are a terrible organisation etc. i just feel sometimes we dont get a fair ride.

[wws]

I see Humphries as primarily a sports writer - I don't think he has a "gaa" agenda as such - ie anti real football. He's a good writer who says interesting things in 1/10th the paper space afforded to the likes of Dion Fanning and Paul Hyland to make up complete waffle and PR spin.

[thejollyrodger]

he is a good journo IMO, he wouldnt have anything to write about in japan if we had a properly run camp and a efficent FAI.

I laughed when i read his article after the Cyprus again, he likened the defence to some kind of novelty act you might see in the Phonix park on a Sunday morning, pausing for a few seconds, laughing to yourself before proceding on.

[OneRedArmy]

Great article and actually highlights the role a strong EL could play in the international team if sufficient resources were dedicated to it.

Humphries is an excellent journalist and whilst he writes about hurling, and Dublin hurling at that, too much for my liking he's streets ahead of all the rest in this country.

And to balme him for Saipan is absolutely ridiculous. What was he supposed to do, not publish the article for the common good?:rolleyes:

[gspain]

I see Humphries as primarily a sports writer - I don't think he has a "gaa" agenda as such - ie anti real football. He's a good writer who says interesting things in 1/10th the paper space afforded to the likes of Dion Fanning and Paul Hyland to make up complete waffle and PR spin.

While Humphries is a good writer he is as stated above primarily a GAA fan. While he clearly follows football and has an interest his first love is clearly the GAA. While he may not come out with the tripe of some other GAA writers it is a bit much.

Thwe GAA get a very soft ride in the media here. If anybody mentions the "s" word (sectarianism) you get a flurry of what wonderful visonaries they were in building those wonderful stadiums.

[Donal81]

He was also the catalyst for Saipan which I won't easily forgive him for.

The rest of your post is grand, full of decent points worth debating but this is too much. What do you want, journalists who just toe the official line? He's not a PR agent - if Roy Keane says those things to him on the record, it's his ethical obligation as a journalist to publish them.

Humphries is a good journalist who unfortunately writes airy-fairy rubbish on occasion. But I will never understand this attitude that he was in some way responsible for Saipan.

The approach of some fans to media coverage in this country would make me laugh if it wasn't so depressing. We b!tch and moan about rags and hacks while reading the Evening Herald and the Sun but one of the best ones out there gets a hard time for doing a good job or having the cheek to prefer GAA to soccer.

His fondness for the GAA over soccer is fairly obvious but when he puts his GAA writer hat on, he's the first of that group to criticise the GAA's shortcomings.

[Dotsy]

The rest of your post is grand, full of decent points worth debating but this is too much. What do you want, journalists who just toe the official line? He's not a PR agent - if Roy Keane says those things to him on the record, it's his ethical obligation as a journalist to publish them.

Humphries is a good journalist who unfortunately writes airy-fairy rubbish on occasion. But I will never understand this attitude that he was in some way responsible for Saipan.

The approach of some fans to media coverage in this country would make me laugh if it wasn't so depressing. We b!tch and moan about rags and hacks while reading the Evening Herald and the Sun but one of the best ones out there gets a hard time for doing a good job or having the cheek to prefer GAA to soccer.

His fondness for the GAA over soccer is fairly obvious but when he puts his GAA writer hat on, he's the first of that group to criticise the GAA's shortcomings.


Agreed. His first love is obviously GAA, in particular hurling, but he certainly isn't a mouthpiece for he GAA authorities. He writes it as he sees it and doesn't make up stories or exagerate them to sell more copies of the IT. He has a good knowledge of football IMO. I don't like or agree with everything he writes but he is one of the better sports journalists writing for an Irish paper.

[thejollyrodger]

i dont think he rates the Eircom League or Eircom League supporters. Like, whens the last time you seen him down Tolka for the european games ?

[Donal81]

i dont think he rates the Eircom League or Eircom League supporters. Like, whens the last time you seen him down Tolka for the european games ?

True, he doesn't seem to cover it. Emmet Malone covers the local stuff fairly well as a balance, though, doesn't he? I wouldn't know, I don't follow an EL team.

[gspain]

Emmet Malone is clearly a football fan as well as a football journalist. The IT's quantity of domestic football coverage is very poor but the quality is excellent.

Re Tom Humphries, obviously people choose their own sports but he is writing about football and it can be nauseating when he keeps making positive references to the GAA while attacking local football.

Gerry Thornley is the IT rugby corr - he is also (or at least used to be) a UCD fan and a keen football fan. Now I can't recall any article of his where he would compare football favourably to rugby nor would I expect him to.

[Donal81]

I don't think he does it to take a pop at football but moreso at the football authorities. His 100 reasons why GAA is better than football was pushing it and I can see why it would bug a football fan (coincidentally, I found myself agreeing with a good deal of them and I'm a football fan first, mainly about attitudes of players and Sky Sports etc etc).

I suppose he's not employed to follow any certain sport, unlike Malone. He's given a lot of space and a regular column in which to spout about whatever he likes. He covers soccer as regularly as juvenile camogie and track and field. He produces the colour articles compared to Malone who just reports on soccer.

[OwlsFan]

Dear John letter to our football future
Tom Humpmepleze

LockedinRoom: John, this journalism lark has run its course for me, as I am tired of knocking the best sport in the world without fear of contradiction and ruining Ireland's World Cup chances in 2002 so I'm sitting down now to apply the final falsehoods to my application for the Irish soccer manager's job.
Fair play. So, John, I say to you as winsomely as possible: come and get me baby.

First, let me address the concerns which you have expressed, albeit obliquely (i.e. you didn't say it at all but it makes for good vitriol if I pretend you did), about the previous manager. John, you want a chap who will make the necessary changes at the right time in a big match. I am that chap even though I prefer the GAA to soccer and have published 100+ reasons why the GAA is better than soccer. It shocks me that I haven't been invited to be a TV panellist on Match of the Day.

It is in this area of playing personnel that Brian Kerr made a critical bungle. On the bench against Switzerland he had no players of international quality except of course Graham Kavanagh but Brian preferred that midfield dynamo John O'Shea and Robbie Elliott who scored in the last game. No definitely no one on the bench .He virtually wrote his own P45. Your hands were tied, John. As the great Bill O'Herlihy said once "Ho ho ho, he he he, haw haw haw and now we'll take an add break".

Kerr sallied forth in the campaign with no Chippy or no Gilesie. All the preparation and passion in the world won't turn sows' ears into silk purses, and some of our players are no sows' ears, in particular Roy Keane (viewed by some as the best irish player ever), Robbie Keane (our record goal scorer), Damien Duff (our most expensive player ever) and Shay Given (one of the best Irish goalies ever)

Now I'll be sarcastic and mention players who played against Bulgaria almost30 years ago and make it look as if because this team which had none of the facilities or time afforded to your team failed to qualify, your team was equally not culpable. This team included such household names in England as Gerry Peyton, Jimmy Holmes and Paddy Mulligan and Steve Heighway who played crap for Ireland. Am I not hilarious ?

Now that's a strong team. In 1977, they drew nil-all in Lansdowne with Bulgaria, thus failing to qualify for the 1978 World Cup. Of course I won't mention the disallowed goals in Paris and Sofia and that the team got no rub of the green and that it didn't concede any last minute goals or lose a 2-0 lead at home.

I will mention the "star-studded line-up" with which Jack Charlton almost didn't qualify for Euro '88, until Gary Mackay scored that freak late winner against Bulgaria in Sofia but I won't mention that some of these star- studded players included Chris Morris (Sheffield Wednesday reject), Mick McCarthy (Barnsley superstar) and two players playing in the lower divisions for Oxford United. I won't also mention that Ireland finished top of the group with more points than anyone and qualified - I won't almost mention that "nearly didn't qualify" doesn't count when we did.

I could do that, or I could reunite the bunch with whom Mick McCarthy didn't go to France '98 - I won't mention though that Mick McC got his team to a play off with a worse squad and half the preparation time you had, Brian.

Any of those "star-studded teams" (you see I like to use that phrase even though I am not sure Mick McCarthy or the fans would agree with it) would buy a manager a second chance. We've seen that (I won't mention Charlton didn't need a second chance). Why didn't Kerr pick any of them instead of going with so many whiney mediocrities (Hopefully my hero Roy won't spot me calling him a "whiney mediocrity" - whatever that it)? Beats me.


As for youth players: I avoid them like chicken nuggets during a bird flu epidemic. In so doing I will of course ignore the fact that Mick McCarthy blooded more young players than any previous manager and that Brian was very reluctant to try the younger players in friendlies.

John, I don't bake the cake. I don't ice it. You bring me the cake and I'll put the cherry on the top. One million, baby. Netto. You like that I bet - makes me look a great writer and hints that the new manager will care nothing about youth development which isn't the role anyway of a national team manager but hey, it reads good.

This is a key time for Irish soccer, John, and there must be something brave and heroically crazy inside of you to make you want to be the figurehead. Looking at you, alone on the podium announcing that Brian Kerr had been rubbed out, I was stirred and inspired. Hence this application. Hope you don't spot that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit.

You are pointing us towards the promised land, a place of milk and honey in which winning is the only thing that matters. The beauty of living there is that we need to win just to survive. (Great title for the autobiography, by the way, whenever you get one of the loyal retainers to ghost it. Win To Survive!). I am sure Roy Keane will agree with both parts of this - would in fact have been a good name for his autobiography.

I'll disparage Maurice Setters (rightly so) but use Chris Hughton as the example but I won't mention what Chris has achieved for us because I am not sure he has achieved anything and neither had Don Givens at U21 level where his record must be on a par with Setters.

I think The Association is heading in the right direction and I want to be a first-class passenger on that journey, John. Wasn't it great Roy arranged for all the players to fly first class and stay in first class hotels - I won't mention that the performances failed to improve as a result.

I couldn't help chuckling at the spectacle of poor old Liam Tuohy being given a lifetime achievement award on the night of the Swiss game. Underneath the sound of all the clapping by people who couldn't pick Liam Tuohy out of a police line-up in which he was the only Caucasian. Well actually I am only talking about myself here since Touhy never played in an All Ireland Final and no doubt there are thousands who remember Touhy being Manager of Ireland and playing for Rovers. I'll also ignore the fact the the FAI was perhaps trying to atone for the mistreatment of Touhy by making the presentation.

Now I'll mention the red herring of the National League which is not the responsibility of the Team Manager and which Brian didn't show much interest in when he served in that capacity.

We can go back to shaking the trees for fellas who have Irish grannies . Men who feel passionate enough about this country that they would be willing to be pictured with a pint of Guinness and a green jersey like Townsend, Aldridge and Cascarino who of course never tried when they put on a green jersey.

Then there is the position of soccer in Irish society. It's heartening of course, John, that so many people still travel to Glasgow and Liverpool and Manchester on the weekend to see their local teams, but we shouldn't be complacent because this is where most of our internationals play their club football and in which country generations of Irish people have emigrated.

I'll now have a slap at Jack Charlton - the most successful manager in irish football history, who brought international football to the living rooms all over the country and to people who regarded soccer as a foreign and dangerous sport. Here I go "There is no doubt having me move to a large house in Maida Vale, there to draw my huge salary and keep my household staff in order, would be a terrific shot in the arm for the domestic game. I will fly in to the Emerald Isle occasionally to open pubs and speak to television reporters. People love that. The Irish people are great fun and they've always been very good to me. Listen, John, win or lose we'll have a party and a sing-song because we have the greatest fans on earth and making them believe that is important. That was good wasn't it. Nice to get a bit of anti-Brit feeling off my chest. "Ta athas orm an curaghan seo...." opps, sorry. Forgot where I was for a moment.

I will now have a go at soccer but in truth, without realising it, I will explain why soccer doesn't stand a chance in this country at national level:

John, I feel we have the GAA where we want them just now. Strategically, with their huge stadium, with their big games every Sunday, with their wall-to-wall television coverage, with that 2 million they are spending on coaching and development next year and with their network of clubs and local infrastructure, strategically John, they are cornered and they have no place to go.

We stand on the threshold of a brave new era, John. Let's hold hands and jump together. You be Wallace. I'll be your Gromit or perhaps I can be Callous and I'll also be Vomit


© The Irish GAA Times

[wws]

Humphries by a knockout is my verdict

[Dotsy]

CLose run contest I'd have to give the draw. Good points made by both:)

[klein4]

with razor sharp writing like that you should apply to the evening herald right away...they are always on the look out for talented writers...

[gspain]

A few points on this though.

Despite all their infrastructure the GAA have far fewer players than football.
True they don't typically aspire to playing for Shels or Cork City rather Man Utd or Liverpool. Football is still by far the most popular sport in this country in terms of playing the game, watching the game (albeit mainly on tv) and talking about the game (albeit apart from the national team the English game). The GAA's "success" is in making their games a spectator sport.

Now this is not a recent phenomenon, when Jack Charlton took over as Irish manager in 1986 there were already more people playing football than GAA in the RoI. In the past 19 years the gap has widened considerably and significantly there has been huge growth in playing numbers in places like Kerry and Wexford which would have been GAA heartlands. Whatever the reason F.A.I. planning (:D ) or maybe more to do with the fact that football is simply a better more skilful game to play we are winning the battle.

An interesting analogy is look at Northern Ireland. Again the GAA is very strong here, huge spectator numbers, bringing huge numbers to Dublin for big games whereas domestic football is played before crowds even smaller than the EL. However 60%+ of the population of NI are effectively excluded from playing/supporting GAA. Now even in nationalist areas football is hugely popular. GAA is very weak in the whole of Derry City. West Belfast again is a big football area. I don't have playing statistics from NI but common sense would indicate again that football is by far the most popular sport. Yet again though it is Cross Channel football that is followed.

[OwlsFan]

with razor sharp writing like that you should apply to the evening herald right away...they are always on the look out for talented writers...

I've never been so insulted in all my life :eek: :D .

[OneRedArmy]

Owlsfan, I notice you conveniently cut out his references to "a cold night at Gortakeegan" and how, done right, a home based manager could benefit from a suitably envigorated and structured National League if the FAI could be bothered to invest its energies in this direction.

This was they key point of the article for me, that is, his rejection of the usual foreign blow-in suspects for the job (who by implication wouldn't even know where Gortakeegan is) in favour of the FAI actually thinking of the long-term, big picture view for once in their bloody lives rather than another stupid reactionary move.

[thejollyrodger]

why dont you send it on to humpries and see what he has to say for himself ?

[oconghc2]

A few points on this though.


Now this is not a recent phenomenon, when Jack Charlton took over as Irish manager in 1986 there were already more people playing football than GAA in the RoI. In the past 19 years the gap has widened considerably and significantly there has been huge growth in playing numbers in places like Kerry and Wexford which would have been GAA heartlands. Whatever the reason F.A.I. planning (:D ) or maybe more to do with the fact that football is simply a better more skilful game to play we are winning the battle.



What battle is this now?? Have to say I dont agree with you regarding the skill levels of both games?/

Last time I checked - Hurling was a much more skillful game than soccer! And are you trying to say that players like Gooch/O Neill/Munnelly dont posess skill levels as high as our top soccer players in their respective sports??

Fair enough Soccer might have more players in this country but in terms of passion and commitment I know which code is winning the battle!

I thought the Humphreys article was good - yes he is a big Gaa fan - but he is also a big soccer fan. Why would he spend so much of his time writing about it. He seems as disgruntled with the situation as all of us. His main point is that we need to build irish football from the roots up! - something none of us can disagree with! If a manager such as Troussier comes in what kind of message is it going to send out! The manager may not be directly responsible for the domestic game but he does have some sort of duty in looking over it!

[klein4]

how can you blame humphries for saipan??????
that is just a ludicrous assertion.he merely did an interview with roy keane.
He also ran it by Roy Keane before he published.
And it was in a question & answer format so you cant even say he twisted it to put forward a certain point of view.(and I dont want to get into an argument about saipan...its been done to death)
whether you agree with his opinions or not the fact is he is one of the few talented journalists around.He is biased towards GAA as he seems to have a real passion for what the organisation is about. But so what.Personally I totally disagree with him on his GAA stuff. But it doesnt exclude him from offering an opinion on Irish Football. The piece is a quality bit of satire which hits its targets more often than it misses them(the dunphy bit is brilliant). you seem to miss the point of the article and respond with some third rate bit of Hylandism that would make a leaving cert english student blush. On the "100 reasons why GAA is better than soccer" thing, it was just a funny piece!!!!! RELAX!!!

[OwlsFan]

Owlsfan, I notice you conveniently cut out his references to "a cold night at Gortakeegan" and how, done right, a home based manager could benefit from a suitably envigorated and structured National League if the FAI could be bothered to invest its energies in this direction.

This was they key point of the article for me, that is, his rejection of the usual foreign blow-in suspects for the job (who by implication wouldn't even know where Gortakeegan is) in favour of the FAI actually thinking of the long-term, big picture view for once in their bloody lives rather than another stupid reactionary move.

Ran out of time at lunchtime but it's covered elsewhere. It is not the job of the International Manager to build the game up from grassroots level - it is his job to manage the international team full stop. There are other positions in the FAI for that so it is a spurious argument to suggest that the manager needs to watch a game in a "cold night at Gortakeegan" because he in fact needs to be watching a game in a cold night in Hillsboro or at the Majeski Stadium etc where out potential international players ply their trade.

[gustavo]

Gortakeegan was used as an extreme example , he could just as easily have said Tolka or Turners Cross

[Donal81]

I'll now have a slap at Jack Charlton - the most successful manager in irish football history, who brought international football to the living rooms all over the country and to people who regarded soccer as a foreign and dangerous sport. Here I go "There is no doubt having me move to a large house in Maida Vale, there to draw my huge salary and keep my household staff in order, would be a terrific shot in the arm for the domestic game. I will fly in to the Emerald Isle occasionally to open pubs and speak to television reporters. People love that. The Irish people are great fun and they've always been very good to me. Listen, John, win or lose we'll have a party and a sing-song because we have the greatest fans on earth and making them believe that is important. That was good wasn't it. Nice to get a bit of anti-Brit feeling off my chest. "Ta athas orm an curaghan seo...." opps, sorry. Forgot where I was for a moment.

© The Irish GAA Times

He was born in England and plenty of his writing elsewhere suggests that he's not a twisted anti-Brit.

Other than that, it's a good response to it. Why don't you email it into him? sports@irish-times.ie

[gspain]

What battle is this now?? Have to say I dont agree with you regarding the skill levels of both games?/

Last time I checked - Hurling was a much more skillful game than soccer! And are you trying to say that players like Gooch/O Neill/Munnelly dont posess skill levels as high as our top soccer players in their respective sports??

Fair enough Soccer might have more players in this country but in terms of passion and commitment I know which code is winning the battle!

I thought the Humphreys article was good - yes he is a big Gaa fan - but he is also a big soccer fan. Why would he spend so much of his time writing about it. He seems as disgruntled with the situation as all of us. His main point is that we need to build irish football from the roots up! - something none of us can disagree with! If a manager such as Troussier comes in what kind of message is it going to send out! The manager may not be directly responsible for the domestic game but he does have some sort of duty in looking over it!

While hurling is a much better game than gaelic I don't find it aprticularly skilful or exciting and despite my limited knoweldge of GAA I know many hurling folk consider it to be the poor relation in GAA terms so it can't be all that wonderful.

No idea of the skill levels of the players you mentioned - I presume they are not Limerick hurlers. However I just think football is a more skilful game and a better game. It has been proven that our EL footballers are fitter than their GAA counterparts - indeed the hurlers and even less fit than the gaelic players.

I don't know where you are getting the passion and comitment angle from. That is clearly in evidence in all sports in this country. I know people passionatel and committed to cricket and badminton which are very much minority sports here.

I agree that Troussier would probably be a disaster. However I don't think football is in as much trouble as you think. We are producing quality underage players and have been for some time. Our U17s recently won a qualifying group in the Ukraine beating the host side and drawing with Italy. Our U19s also won their group stuffing Italy 4-1 in the process. We are still producing quality players. The clubs here deserve immedse credit for this and even the F.A.I. deserves some too. The big problem now though is that we can no longer depend on the Liverpools and Man Utds of this world to groom them in their acdemys as they continue to scour the globe for talent. We need to develop the domestic game and ensure our clubs compete at a far higher level in Europe. I believe we already have a far better product in EL football than anythign the GAA has to offer but we suffer hugely from comparisons. There are no better gaelic or hurling players on tv than those on display at Croke Park however there are better footballers out there than those we watch in Tolka or Turners Cross. We will always lose our top players to the Man Utds of this world but Cork City should be buying Reading's top striker not the other way around.

[gustavo]

a lot of good points there cant agree with you on the cork city should be buying readings top striker it just doesnt make economic sense

[gspain]

a lot of good points there cant agree with you on the cork city should be buying readings top striker it just doesnt make economic sense

Not today agreed. Reading have budgets, crowds and a stadium at a different level to Cork City. However our league should be at/above that level. It is going to take investment and a few years but Cork is a bigger city than Reading and has the potential to be in Europe every year.

It will also be down to conditioning - interesting that Cork City looked to have players with similiar skill levels to Slavia Prague but it was the conditioning of many years of fulltime training/fitness that made the difference.

Most of our top rugby players stay at home and still compete at the highest level. Interestingly when rugby went professional the northern hemishere was still behind the southern hemishere in terms of conditioning as they were effectively pro in the amateur days. it took a few years to catch up and maybe still not there but it is not just about fulltime training it is about doing this over a number of years

[pete]

GAA are is now starting to lose players to Aussie rules more than in the past. Rugby provinces are losing more players to the UK & France as Celtic League has not attracted the interest or crowds it expected.

[Jaime]

What was he supposed to do, not publish the article for the common good?:rolleyes:

If he gave a **** about real football, yes.

Everytime he goes away on international duty he writes articles saying how he'd be much happier in the ****ing rain in Parnell Park or some such rubbish. Interesting my bóllocks.

[Donal81]

GAA are is now starting to lose players to Aussie rules more than in the past.

Like who apart from the O'Hailpin brothers and Tadhg Kennelly? To my knowledge, there has never, ever been more than a very slight trickle of players. Setanta was the first really high-profile exile.

[Donal81]

If he gave a **** about real football, yes.

Everytime he goes away on international duty he writes articles saying how he'd be much happier in the ****ing rain in Parnell Park or some such rubbish. Interesting my bóllocks.

And if he gave a sh!t about real swimming, he wouldn't have written what he did about Michelle de Bruin, I suppose? He's a journalist - his job is to tell the truth. If you'd rather take the official line, that's up to you.

[klein4]

If he gave a **** about real football, yes.

Everytime he goes away on international duty he writes articles saying how he'd be much happier in the ****ing rain in Parnell Park or some such rubbish. Interesting my bóllocks.


the saipan article was fairly tame, didnt really say anything too extraordinary in it.
manager was just an insecure talentless idiot who decided the time to confront his best player was on the eve of the world cup. only people to blame for saipan were keane and macarthy.they should have just had a scrap on the rock hard training pitch with all the journos and players around them shoutin A-G-R-O.
thats the irish way.

[geysir]

GAA are is now starting to lose players to Aussie rules more than in the past.


Like who apart from the O'Hailpin brothers and Tadhg Kennelly? To my knowledge, there has never, ever been more than a very slight trickle of players. Setanta was the first really high-profile exile.
Yes it must be up from one player every10 years to one every five years. The GAA is on an irreversible downward spiral. Soon RTE will have to digitally enhance the crowd in at games in Croke Park,

[NY Hoop]

He's a journalist - his job is to tell the truth.

Funniest post ever:D :D :D :D

KOH

[Donal81]

Funniest post ever:D :D :D :D

KOH

See what you mean alright! For the good ones, it's their job. :)

[Don Vito]

While hurling is a much better game than gaelic I don't find it aprticularly skilful or exciting and despite my limited knoweldge of GAA I know many hurling folk consider it to be the poor relation in GAA terms so it can't be all that wonderful.

I have to disagree with you there gspain, hurling is one of the most skillful games in the world (and as the great Liam Griffin said-the riverdance of sport). The reason it is considered to be the poor relation of the GAA is because it is not played as widely as gaelic football, and the reason it isn't played as widely as football is becuase of the very high skill level and amount of practice required to play it. The GAA has tried to increase playing levels in other counties but sadly its just not working, hurling isn't as easy to coach as football. It comes down to bloodlines too, hurling is something that is just in the blood.

Being from Limerick I wouldn't have expected you to have come across skillful hurling anyway!!:D :D

[wws]

The GAA has tried to increase playing levels in other counties but sadly its just not working, hurling isn't as easy to coach as football. It comes down to bloodlines too, hurling is something that is just in the blood.


maybe they should give blood transfusions a whirl?

[Don Vito]

maybe they should give blood transfusions a whirl?

Another intelligent contribution from WWS.