Wizzard
25/04/2002, 2:21 PM
Apparently, following a case in 1994, the annual Stella Award for the most
Frivolous and Vexatious American Litigation was instituted. I've just been
sent the following list of the contenders, and the ultimate winner, of this
year's award:
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1. January 2000:
Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury after
breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a
furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at
the verdict, considering the misbehaving little ******* was Ms. Robertson's
son.
2. June 1998:
A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses
when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman
apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car, when he
was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
3. October 1998:
A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just
finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage
door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He
couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage
locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr.Dickson found
himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi
he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance
claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to
the tune of half a million dollars.
4. October 1999:
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical
expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's
beagle. The beagle was on a chain in it's owner's fenced-in yard. The award
was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a
little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it
repeatedly with a pellet gun.
5. May 2000:
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of
Lancaster,Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke
her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her
boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
6. December 1997:
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the owner of a night
club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the
floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms Walton was
trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the
$3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental
expenses.
And the winner is:
Mr Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City.
In November 2000 Mr Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor
home. On his first trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise
control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and
make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway,
crashed and overturned. Mr Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in
the handbook that he couldn't actually do this.
He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnie. (Winniebago actually changed
their handbooks on the back of this court case, just in case there are any
other complete morons buying their vehicles.)
Frivolous and Vexatious American Litigation was instituted. I've just been
sent the following list of the contenders, and the ultimate winner, of this
year's award:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
1. January 2000:
Kathleen Robertson of Austin Texas was awarded $780,000 by a jury after
breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a
furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at
the verdict, considering the misbehaving little ******* was Ms. Robertson's
son.
2. June 1998:
A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74,000 and medical expenses
when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman
apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car, when he
was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
3. October 1998:
A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just
finished robbing by way of the garage. He was not able to get the garage
door to go up since the automatic door opener was malfunctioning. He
couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the house and garage
locked when he pulled it shut. The family was on vacation. Mr.Dickson found
himself locked in the garage for eight days. He subsisted on a case of Pepsi
he found, and a large bag of dry dog food. He sued the homeowner's insurance
claiming the situation caused him undue mental anguish. The jury agreed to
the tune of half a million dollars.
4. October 1999:
Jerry Williams of Little Rock, Arkansas was awarded $14,500 and medical
expenses after being bitten on the buttocks by his next door neighbor's
beagle. The beagle was on a chain in it's owner's fenced-in yard. The award
was less than sought because the jury felt the dog might have been just a
little provoked at the time by Mr. Williams who was shooting it
repeatedly with a pellet gun.
5. May 2000:
A Philadelphia restaurant was ordered to pay Amber Carson of
Lancaster,Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a soft drink and broke
her coccyx. The beverage was on the floor because Ms. Carson threw it at her
boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument.
6. December 1997:
Kara Walton of Claymont, Delaware successfully sued the owner of a night
club in a neighboring city when she fell from the bathroom window to the
floor and knocked out her two front teeth. This occurred while Ms Walton was
trying to sneak through the window in the ladies room to avoid paying the
$3.50 cover charge. She was awarded $12,000 and dental
expenses.
And the winner is:
Mr Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City.
In November 2000 Mr Grazinski purchased a brand new 32 foot Winnebago motor
home. On his first trip home, having joined the freeway, he set the cruise
control at 70 mph and calmly left the drivers seat to go into the back and
make himself a cup of coffee. Not surprisingly the Winnie left the freeway,
crashed and overturned. Mr Grazinski sued Winnebago for not advising him in
the handbook that he couldn't actually do this.
He was awarded $1,750,000 plus a new Winnie. (Winniebago actually changed
their handbooks on the back of this court case, just in case there are any
other complete morons buying their vehicles.)