strangeirish
30/06/2005, 3:59 PM
I found this piece from the Indo funny. The subject matter is not important, just the way it was written. Apologies for posting the whole article, but not everyone is registered to the Indo.
Band suing over old clothes and festive tat. . .what am I missing?
ONE of the silliest little spats seen in the Four Courts in recent times ended yesterday on a suitably daft note.
It never ceases to amaze, the sort of things that make ordinary individuals turn to the law. And it's one of the happy reasons that few lawyers ever see a hungry day.
As U2's action against their former stylist drew to a close, one of the items that forced the multi-millionaire members of the world's biggest rock band into expensive litigation was produced in court.
To gasps of derision from the public gallery, a large round plastic bell, painted red by an unskilled hand and topped with a crudely tied bow, was produced with a flourish by the lawyer for Lola Cashman.
Written on this homemade abomination in what appeared to be Tippex is the legend: 'America Loves U2.'
Without a doubt, the merriment occasioned by Dolores O'Riordan's ironing board in the Cranberry nanny case was eclipsed in court 28 yesterday by U2's sworn attachment to this humble piece of festive tat.
One couldn't help wondering if the people who inhabit Bono's sphere of influence aren't a high hat short of a drum kit.
After Tuesday's thrilling appearance by superstar Bono and his wraparound shades, when starstruck lawyers lost the run of themselves looking for autographs, it was Lola Cashman's turn to shine.
Lola is a fashion stylist and she spoke proudly of how she had been engaged by U2 to clean out their wardrobe "and make room for the newness that I was going to bring into them".
She dressed Bono in black and bought him cowboy hats. She also bought him a very cheap pair of hoop earrings, but he gave them to her because they banged off his face when he was jumping around on stage. Bono, who concedes he might have given them to her, wants them back anyway.
The singer said he stood by Lola for a long time when the rest of the U2 family couldn't stand her. Why? "She has a very good eye."
Perhaps a little too good. Particularly when, many years later, she wrote in her book about the members of U2's, er, members.
Counsel for the band, Paul Sreenan, read the relevant passages out to a delighted court after he had fully exhausted the issue of Bono in his underpants.
On the previous day, Lola said he gave her his 'iconic' stetson in a moment of exhilaration on the last night of the Joshua Tree Tour while prancing about in his underpants.
In breathless prose, the stylist had written of a dinner party with friends, where the burning question was: "So, Lola, who's got the biggest dick - Bono, Larry, Adam, or Edge?"
After some excruciating waffle, a coy Miss Cashman confides to her unlucky readers: "It isn't Bono."
Charming. A number of journalists had to exit the courtroom rapidly at this point, as their notebooks burst into flames.
Seeing that her book was so full of "tittle tattle and utter trivia", Mr Sreenan wondered why she had omitted mention of the racy Y-front moment? Lola was unimpressed by such carry-on. It was no big deal to her, Bono often pranced about in his underpants.
"If he had his underpants on, that was something," commented Miss Cashman, as we began to regret opting for the fried breakfast before coming to court.
One would wonder what effect prolonged exposure to the small but perfectly formed Bono cavorting in his Jockeys and cowboy hat might have on a lady. The answer was supplied later by Lola.
A decade after witnessing such scenes, Lola took herself off to "the remotest part of the world" - a cattle station in Australia - for a three-month cattle muster.
One imagines that, whatever else, the cowhands were beautifully co-ordinated.
Bono's beloved stetson was also produced in court. An unremarkable hat, it was the subject of much discussion. A video was shown of Bono purchasing a stetson - all on his own! - in a shop in Mexico. Proof, Mr Sreenan seemed to think, that Lola had exaggerated her involvement in his wardrobe matters.
The Londoner refused to be unsettled by the lawyer's onslaught. She stuck to her story, astonished that anyone should come after her for used items she had been given by Bono, such as the hat: "It wasn't earth shatteringly fantastic for me, it was just a piece of memorabilia."
Fittingly, the day ended with the ludicrous, worthless Christmas bauble. Judge Matthew Deery will give judgment on Tuesday.
By then, U2 will have made another few million on their continuing Vertigo tour. We're baffled.
Miriam Lord
Band suing over old clothes and festive tat. . .what am I missing?
ONE of the silliest little spats seen in the Four Courts in recent times ended yesterday on a suitably daft note.
It never ceases to amaze, the sort of things that make ordinary individuals turn to the law. And it's one of the happy reasons that few lawyers ever see a hungry day.
As U2's action against their former stylist drew to a close, one of the items that forced the multi-millionaire members of the world's biggest rock band into expensive litigation was produced in court.
To gasps of derision from the public gallery, a large round plastic bell, painted red by an unskilled hand and topped with a crudely tied bow, was produced with a flourish by the lawyer for Lola Cashman.
Written on this homemade abomination in what appeared to be Tippex is the legend: 'America Loves U2.'
Without a doubt, the merriment occasioned by Dolores O'Riordan's ironing board in the Cranberry nanny case was eclipsed in court 28 yesterday by U2's sworn attachment to this humble piece of festive tat.
One couldn't help wondering if the people who inhabit Bono's sphere of influence aren't a high hat short of a drum kit.
After Tuesday's thrilling appearance by superstar Bono and his wraparound shades, when starstruck lawyers lost the run of themselves looking for autographs, it was Lola Cashman's turn to shine.
Lola is a fashion stylist and she spoke proudly of how she had been engaged by U2 to clean out their wardrobe "and make room for the newness that I was going to bring into them".
She dressed Bono in black and bought him cowboy hats. She also bought him a very cheap pair of hoop earrings, but he gave them to her because they banged off his face when he was jumping around on stage. Bono, who concedes he might have given them to her, wants them back anyway.
The singer said he stood by Lola for a long time when the rest of the U2 family couldn't stand her. Why? "She has a very good eye."
Perhaps a little too good. Particularly when, many years later, she wrote in her book about the members of U2's, er, members.
Counsel for the band, Paul Sreenan, read the relevant passages out to a delighted court after he had fully exhausted the issue of Bono in his underpants.
On the previous day, Lola said he gave her his 'iconic' stetson in a moment of exhilaration on the last night of the Joshua Tree Tour while prancing about in his underpants.
In breathless prose, the stylist had written of a dinner party with friends, where the burning question was: "So, Lola, who's got the biggest dick - Bono, Larry, Adam, or Edge?"
After some excruciating waffle, a coy Miss Cashman confides to her unlucky readers: "It isn't Bono."
Charming. A number of journalists had to exit the courtroom rapidly at this point, as their notebooks burst into flames.
Seeing that her book was so full of "tittle tattle and utter trivia", Mr Sreenan wondered why she had omitted mention of the racy Y-front moment? Lola was unimpressed by such carry-on. It was no big deal to her, Bono often pranced about in his underpants.
"If he had his underpants on, that was something," commented Miss Cashman, as we began to regret opting for the fried breakfast before coming to court.
One would wonder what effect prolonged exposure to the small but perfectly formed Bono cavorting in his Jockeys and cowboy hat might have on a lady. The answer was supplied later by Lola.
A decade after witnessing such scenes, Lola took herself off to "the remotest part of the world" - a cattle station in Australia - for a three-month cattle muster.
One imagines that, whatever else, the cowhands were beautifully co-ordinated.
Bono's beloved stetson was also produced in court. An unremarkable hat, it was the subject of much discussion. A video was shown of Bono purchasing a stetson - all on his own! - in a shop in Mexico. Proof, Mr Sreenan seemed to think, that Lola had exaggerated her involvement in his wardrobe matters.
The Londoner refused to be unsettled by the lawyer's onslaught. She stuck to her story, astonished that anyone should come after her for used items she had been given by Bono, such as the hat: "It wasn't earth shatteringly fantastic for me, it was just a piece of memorabilia."
Fittingly, the day ended with the ludicrous, worthless Christmas bauble. Judge Matthew Deery will give judgment on Tuesday.
By then, U2 will have made another few million on their continuing Vertigo tour. We're baffled.
Miriam Lord