Good Jokes

[superfrank]

I need to hear some. I just found out my girlfriend's going to France for FIVE weeks with her school so I could do with some cheering up. Please help. :(

[Troy.McClure]

Where do french hide their money?
Under the soap bar.

There ya go, on topic an all :D

[carrickharp]

I just found out my girlfriend's going to France for FIVE weeks with her school so I could do with some cheering up. Please help. :(

That would be good news for some lads...

[superfrank]

That would be good news for some lads...
Maybe, but it's still bad.

[Dublin12]

Does she like a bit of Brie on her croissant then :p

[strangeirish]

The Lone Ranger and Tonto went camping in the desert. After they got their tent all set up, they fell sound asleep.
Some hours later, Tonto wakes The Lone Ranger and says, "Kemo Sabe, look towards sky, what you see?"
The Lone Ranger replies, "I see millions of stars."
"What that tell you?" asked Tonto.
The Lone Ranger ponders for a minute, then says, "Astronomically speaking, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What's it tell you, Tonto?"



Tonto is silent for a moment, then says, "Kemo Sabe, you real dumb ass. Someone has stolen the tent."

[hamish]

Lone Ranger and Tonto in a narrow gully.
Thousands of Indians appear on all sides pointing arrows in duos direction.
Lone Ranger assess the situation, turns to Tonto.
"Well, old friend, after all our adventures, looks like the end"
Tonto: Old Friend? Fcuk off ya pale-faced bast***d!


Check over to terrible jokes thread and meet Knacky, my neighbour, for more jokes.

[superfrank]

Does she like a bit of Brie on her croissant then :p
No, but she likes a bit of cream in her pie. ;)

[hamish]

Here's another brutal one.
To get full value of this...er....joke you really have to speak it out loud as you read it and in a lawdee-daw, upper class accent.

Characters: Lady of the manor and James the family butler.

Lady: JAMES! Come into my room.
James: Oh no madam, most improper.
James, I command you, come into my room
Yes madam
James, come over to my bed
Oh no madam
JAMES, come over to my bed
Yes, madam
James, remove my dress
Oh no Madam
James, remove my dress
Yes madam
James, remove my bra
OH NO madam
JAMES, remove my bra
Yes madam
James, remove my knickers
Oh no madam
JAMES, remove my knickers immediately
Yes madam
James, put your finger in my belly button
OH NO madam
James put your finger in my belly button
Yes madam

JAMES, that is NOT my belly button

Madam, that is not my finger

[exile]

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

[Plastic Paddy]

No, but she likes a bit of cream in her pie. ;)

Ah, so that's why she's off to France then...

:ball: PP