Worst/most embarrassed thing to happen to ye?

[paul_oshea]

well?

[paul_oshea]

:o :o putting the thread in the wrong place for me :o :rolleyes:

any chance of moving it to off topic?

[carrickharp]

Hee Hee :D

[Mad Moose]

Well one that stands out for me.I was serving mass at a funeral when I was around 10 or so. It was a massive funeral for a nun (Sr Claire, god rest her soul) The church was packed with about 10 priests and the alter was full.It was a nerve racking experience so I was in the sacristy and ready to walk out to the alter to light all the candles. I would have been the only one on the alter. I was lined up waiting for the cue to walk to the alter. I proceeded on and walked into the glass panel door that was so clean I thought it was open.Landed on my back and didn't feel the pain for embarrasment.

The first time I remember people laughing at a funeral. These days on my Pre-School visits with the memory fresh in my mind I ask for transfers on glass doors.

There are plenty more stories but I've embarassed myself enough.

Brendan

[paul_oshea]

LOL, that is funny, lots of people walk into glass doors, i once saw someone in dublin run into the window of i think schuh or clarks its on the corner of some street on oconnell street beside easons i think.

in fairness serving was really nerve racking at least i thought so. hey at at least you can say you were the first person to make somene laugh at a funeral and to change the sombre mood somewhat!!! :D

were your parents at it?

[Mad Moose]

were your parents at it?

Nah but sure they were a greater source of embarrassment over the years. Particularly mindful of a time when I was 15 and cycled to town. Met a few mates who were on a sponsored car wash so I gave a hand. I was declared as missing by a phonecall from my mother to the gardai and she made a few phonecalls to one or two not mates home looking for moi.

Brendan

[blobbyblob]

Well one that stands out for me.I was serving mass at a funeral when I was around 10 or so. It was a massive funeral for a nun (Sr Claire, god rest her soul) The church was packed with about 10 priests and the alter was full.It was a nerve racking experience so I was in the sacristy and ready to walk out to the alter to light all the candles. I would have been the only one on the alter. I was lined up waiting for the cue to walk to the alter. I proceeded on and walked into the glass panel door that was so clean I thought it was open.Landed on my back and didn't feel the pain for embarrasment.

The first time I remember people laughing at a funeral. These days on my Pre-School visits with the memory fresh in my mind I ask for transfers on glass doors.

There are plenty more stories but I've embarassed myself enough.

Brendan


Thats funny - Meself and me mate used to serve. During mass we used to have to sit on a marble step in front of alter. One on the left and one on the right with about a 10 foot gap between us. There was a red carpet at our feet and while mass was in flow we'd pick the red fluff off and try and blow it across the alter and get it between the other lads fingers( index and middle finger in the shape of a v on the marble step) for a goal. I think i was 4-3 up when the priest cop us and proceeded to rain fire and brimestone upon us in front of miss flock. I was never so happy me mother decided to skip 10 o clock mass for the first time in 30 years that day. Mortification was not the word.

[Mad Moose]

Thats funny - Meself and me mate used to serve. During mass we used to have to sit( on a marble step in front of alter. One on the left and one on the right with about a 10 foot gap between us. There was a red carpet at our feet and while mass was in flow we'd pick the red fluff off and try and blow it across the alter and get it between the other lads fingers. I think i was 4-3 up when the priest cop us and proceeded to rain fire and brimestone upon us in front of miss flock. I was never so happy me mother decided to skip 10 o clock mass for the first time in 30 years that day. Mortification was not the word.

Classic!!! :D :D

On the mass theme continued I fell off the alter on our local country church.I was standing with the priest as he was administering communion and me trailing him with the plate to catch the communion. Funny I should be telling this for in my dream last night somebody called me an idiot as i let the communion miss my mouth and fall onto a table. Freaky. In fact this was more embarrassing than my earlier episode. I've had it bad.

Brendan

[paul_oshea]

Classic!!! :D :D

On the mass theme continued I fell off the alter on our local country church.I was standing with the priest as he was administering communion and me trailing him with the plate to catch the communion. Funny I should be telling this for in my dream last night somebody called me an idiot as i let the communion miss my mouth and fall onto a table. Freaky. In fact this was more embarrassing than my earlier episode. I've had it bad.

Brendan


has anyone ever told you, you are a bit of a dope! :D only messin

twas very funny about your mother ringing up the gardai

[Mad Moose]

Sure didn't I lose my glasses on the last day of the season at Finn Park while I was dressed in full costume. I was changing and my glasses fogged up so I stepped out of the club shop and almost fell to the ground. I had to get an escort. I stepped out into the fresh air because I couldn't clean my fogged up glasses and thought the cool air would help. I couldn't see a thing.It didn't help then when the kids came up to me and started to hit me and thump me in parts they shouldn't have. I could hear there dad saying thats enough now. It wasn't and it continued so with flailing arms I connected with one of them.They were in shock.

My glasses fogged up on the pitch again when it got warm inside the costume. I took them off and put them in the mouth piece. I couldn't really see but it was more comfortable. So I decided to race the linesmen and ref who were warming up. I got back to the club shop for a break and the glasses were gone. They turned up eventually with me walking around in the meantime in costume without the head.

Embarrassing again.

Yep Paul you got it in one. The stories for me are endless. I am a dope.

Brendan

[Peadar]

I got sick on the alter while serving mass once.
Wasn't feeling too good but I didn't actually feel like I was going to get sick until about 15 minutes into the proceedings.

Someone said to me after that I was lucky I hadn't eaten the bread because the priest would have had to eat what I'd thrown up.
Please tell me that's a wind-up?
That's enough to make me sick now again just thinking about it!

[Dublin12]

My mate :o ,flew to Argentina to see Boca v River Plate,always been his ambition to see this game,saved hard for it,arranged a ticket and was on his way. Anyway,he got well pished on the flight over and was running a bit late as the game was nearly starting,jumped in a taxi outside the airport and raced over the stadium,could not speak a word of Spanish either,anyway,went in the stadium, sat down and 3 minutes later the ref blew up,players walked off,the fans got up and left :eek: .He went back to his hotel,p!ssed off,went up to his room,turned on the TV,and the second half had just started :D :eek: ,muppet :rolleyes:

[ollie]

mine was at a cit open day when there was some business presentation on in some large lecture room.i was a bit late goign into it.the presentation had started and as i'd come in the door every1s attention turned to me.i was looking accross the place looking to see where my friend were and walking up the steps at the same time and then i tripped over one of the steps(every1 sttill lokking at me at this stage).what followed was a room full of every1 p!ssing themselves laughing at me for god knows how long.after about a minute even the lecturer was saying "ah will you leave that poor man alone",which of course added fuel to fire and the laughter carried on for another bit.there were no seats left so i had to stand and take it on the chin. :o :o :o
needless to say i went to ucc where i am to this day. :D

[Green Tribe]

When I was about 13 or so, there was a replacement dentist working in our local surgery. He had a really strange way of speaking, mumbled a bit, so I did not pay much attention to what he was saying as it was really hard to understand him. Anyway, he was taking a tooth out and had put a thick piece of cotton wool in it's place and told me to bite on it hard. So in my wee dream world I was paying no attention whatsoever at this stage. After a few mins he took the cotton out and started looking at other teeth, I thought, " hmm, where did that bit of cotton go?" With little feeling in my mouth, I felt an object which I guessed must be it and starting biting on that. I noticed the dentist say something, but had no clue what, so just nodded in agreement, the same happened again, then finally he said really loud and clear "you're biting my wee finger!! " :o :D So embarrassing, but funny afterwards, the poor guy, I must have been chewing away on it for ages! :D

[Mad Moose]

"you're biting my wee finger!! "

Done it as well.Mind biting into the latex glove.A horrible feel. Christ but the taste of filling. Had alot of visits to the dentist in my early formative years. They would say open wider but you were waiting for your mouth to tear and of course you couldn't say 'i cant open it wider'.

I see from above and myself included the church has a wile lot to answer for.

Brendan

[Metrostars]

On the alterboy theme, it didnt happen to me but it did to one of the other fellas I was serving with....it was one of the holidays and the priest and the incense out and shaking it about. When he's all done, he gives it back to my friend who proceeds to trip on a step, falls down and all the incense stuff spills out much to the delight to everyone on the church except the cranky priest.

[Mad Moose]

On the alterboy theme, it didnt happen to me but it did to one of the other fellas I was serving with....it was one of the holidays and the priest and the incense out and shaking it about. When he's all done, he gives it back to my friend who proceeds to trip on a step, falls down and all the incense stuff spills out much to the delight to everyone on the church except the cranky priest.

Had a bit of an addiction to that stuff. I suppose I had better give a reason for my all to often embarrassments on the alter. Well see there was money involved so myself and my brother would walk to mass to be there for 8.30. We used sit behind the wall and wait for the sacristian to open up. So we were in first we were guaranteed our place. Got our few bob and I fell off the alter.

I also served a funeral many years ago and it was a nun.My feeling is it was the same nun (Sr Claire) who's funeral I was serving when I walked into the glass door. Now I'm worried and she musta had it in for me. Anyhow I will never forget this as would anybody who as ever experienced the sensation of really needing a leak and not been able to get one. I was shaking and it was so uncomfortable.I was quiet and wouldn't ask at a funeral to excuse myself.The worst was standing for a long period of time. In any case the funeral went on and I'll never forget the pain and we walked with the priests to the church grounds for burial. Well it was all too much and I had no option but to wet myself :o :o :o .Yep and I don't think i've told that story to often but I will never forget it. The relief was unreal but the shame and discomfort afterward. It wasn't even a wet day.

Brendan

[strangeirish]

A few years back, I was invited to be on a panel of four to help interview potential loan officers for a bank. After a long day of going through a lot of people, we, the panel found ourselves in the reception area chit-chatting with the potential canidates. I happened upon a conversation with one of my fellow panelists, who was talking to a rather heavy set lady. As the conversation wore on, the lady appeared to be losing the colour in her face and looked like she was going to throw up. I thought her nerves had got the better of her. As we moved to get her seated, my colleague, for some unknown reason, asked the lady if she knew if she was expecting a boy or a girl...................."What would make you ask that" she retorted. Ouch :eek:

[Mad Moose]

And she's not the loan officer for the bank.

What did she have in the end!

Brendan

[strangeirish]

What did she have in the end!

Brendan

I think she may have went home and tore into some dietary pills :D

[Fair_play_boy]

At an airport, had to hurry to the gents. Did the business and went to wash my hands. The jacks was a bit on the ultra mod side, for its time. To make a long story short, I turn on the tap. Eventually I discovered the trick and over-did it, causing a gush of water to come out. It drenched my front, and looked as if I had ****ed myself. :eek:
Of course, there was no towel, all I could use was the hand drying machine but it was high up on the wall. So I stood up on my tip toes and tried my best to dry meself, but nothing much was happening. So, desperate to save face, and aware that we should be boarding by now, I jumped up and down a few times so that I could get nearer the flow of hot air.
Then I became aware of a man standing behind me, who had just walked in. He stood in amazement. I was wondering if I should try to explain, when I noticed that the entire scene was visible from the waiting lounge, where dozens of smiling faces greeted me. I could not run out of there fast enough!!!!

[GavinZac]

a few weeks ago, i was having a few pints with friends in blackpool when we decided rather late that we'd go to town. rather than pay €12 to get in somewhere for an hour, we went to the bróg, a late bar.

i strolled up first, confident as ever, passport in hand.

Bouncer: "eh, are ya alright for drink?"
Gav: "ive had 3 pints of murphys..."
Bouncer: "well, this passport isnt you."
Gav: "yes it is. its pretty new too, im wearing the same jacket!"
Bouncer: "no, its definately not you."
Gav: "whatever biy."

i snatched back the passport and walked away, wondering why the bouncers were now laughing.

i had brought my girlfriend's passport :o

[paul_oshea]

Then I became aware of a man standing behind me, who had just walked in. He stood in amazement. I was wondering if I should try to explain, when I noticed that the entire scene was visible from the waiting lounge, where dozens of smiling faces greeted me. I could not run out of there fast enough!!!!

that is well funny, its always the best to tell the truth, i got caught dryinig my leg after doing the same thing, but i had my hand inside my trousers so one of the lads( who i didnt know that well at the time ) was looking and wondering what the fook, always best to explain/make a joke at least that way you are admitting to something and looks like you know its strange and making a joke of it helps!

just one in a few things that happend me was that, actually worse, i prolly shouldnt say it but anyhow i was about 10 and i was in school taking a **** and then i was looking out the window and i hear someone roar at me, so obviouslly i turn me head and forget what im doing, well to cut a long story short you can imagine what sorta happend, no such thing in our school as a dryer not even tissue. came out and i was laughed at by eveyone in my own class, but everyone in the class above as well which makes its worse, you know in school you would always be fighting with the class above, and to make it worse the teacher makes a point of it and says leave him alone everyone has their problems. everyone then obviouslly thought it was a problem i had, i couldnt explain and no one would listen...

[liam88]

I got sick on the alter while serving mass once.
Wasn't feeling too good but I didn't actually feel like I was going to get sick until about 15 minutes into the proceedings.

Someone said to me after that I was lucky I hadn't eaten the bread because the priest would have had to eat what I'd thrown up.
Please tell me that's a wind-up?
That's enough to make me sick now again just thinking about it!

Still serve at the moment-but a few years back I had the same experience-think it was during a Passion Mass and was standin up for a long time then ran off and threw up all over my Alb :o

Tis partly true about the Priest having to eat the sick; he must either eat it or bury it in consecrated ground....nedless to say the later is normally the chose option. Same if any Consecrated Host is dropped. If it hasn't been consecrated it's obviously not a problem.

I was off before I took Communion so it wasn't an issue ;)

[aido_b]

Extremely embarassing story,

I live up the road from a huge army barracks, I was walking past it one day on my way back from work. I had a chewing gum in my mouth and thought it would be great craic to see if I could kick the chewing gum over the wall. So I spat the gum out and kicked it, unfortunately my shoe followed the gum over the wall.

There was a load of young girls behind me and they started ****ing themselves laughing at me so for some reason I just started running. So I got home with one shoe on and put on a different pair and went back down the barracks. I told the private on duty that my "little brother" had been playing soccer up against the wall and his shoe had come over the wall. We walked along the length of the wall and eventually found the shoe.

The private picked it up and asked me what age my brother was, without thinking I said 9. I then realised that here was a size 10 shoe for a feckin 9 year old! So I owned up and got the **** ribbed out of me by a load of privates who had followed us up the track.

Aghhhh memories!

Aido :D

[M@ttitude]

The Euro had just been introduced so everybody was busy getting rid of the old punt, Some friends invited me up to the pub for a Sunday session, I walked into my busy local waved at my friends and made my way to the bar..then I noticed sitting on the floor right in the middle of the pub was a big wad of 50 pound notes, I only had a second to react as it was nearly under my foot so I kicked it as I looked up to the sky as if I done it by accident over to a corner and went down pretending to tie my lace, felt the wad of cash and had a look, It was just cardboard.. I stood up and about 200 people start laughing and cheering including my friends. Scarlet for me! :o

[Mad Moose]

Was there not a story of an elderly guy who panicked on the introduction of the Euro and so he gathered all his money he obviously hoarded and bagged it to take to town, by bicycle. In any case he lost the lot. Myth or fact. I'm not sure.

Brendan

[Fair_play_boy]

This didn't happen to me, but it is an absolute cracker, so here goes.
Car full of Cork students driving to Kerry when the headlights give up on the County Bounds. There is not much up ahead so they chance driving in the dark back to Ballyvourney. As luck would have it, they are caught at a checkpoint.
Cop wants to know what the story is. Driver decides honesty is the best policy and tells him exactly what happened.
Cop asks "And what would you do if you came across Mr. Snow"? (It was around the new year when it happened).
After thinking about it for a second, with a straight face the driver answers:
"I would put Mr. Foot on Mr. Brake."
The cop is not one bit amused, and said . . .




scroll down . . . .





And remember this actually happened . . .







The cop said:



I said MIST OR SNOW!

[Green Tribe]

:D :D very good, :D

[Green Tribe]

i have a funny one along the lines of communication problems too :D

When I was in Germany, talking to a local (the fit guy in the lederhosen actually eire06,babysis :D :D ) We were on the subjects of birthdays somehow and he said he was born in early september, 4th i think, i said i was born in september too but on the 28th. So the next question he asked me shocked the hell out of me....

He said in front of all his friends and my flatmate and quite a few other people in the beerhall "Ah, so are you a virgin like me"? I thought to myself, I knew Germans were direct, but is that not a bit too direct??!! I looked at his friends, they weren't laughing, but my flatmate was starting to snigger...So i acted dumb and said...." Eh what?" He kept repeating the same thing..are you a virgin, i am etc...

Cheeky f*cker i thought. I said to him, you can't ask someone something like that! Only then did the penny drop in my thick head that he was talking about the sign Virgo!!!! This sign is also known as the virgin, maybe translated so in german. So, finally I answered his question: Libra! and i had to explain to him why the confusion!! :o

So embarrassing, i am such a gob$hite!!!!

[paul_oshea]

I said MIST OR SNOW!

LOL that is the funniest thing ive heard in a while, i assume he thought the guard was being smart :D :D :D :D :D

im still laughing that is hilarious. are you sure you werent there

[paul_oshea]

i am such a gob$hite!!!!

i could have told you that, you didnt need to go through all that to find that out did you? :p :p :D

[Green Tribe]

i could have told you that, you didnt need to go through all that to find that out did you? :p :p :D

:mad: :D

cheeky! ha ha! mist or snow was good though!

[aido_b]

This didn't happen to me, but it is an absolute cracker, so here goes.
Car full of Cork students driving to Kerry when the headlights give up on the County Bounds. There is not much up ahead so they chance driving in the dark back to Ballyvourney. As luck would have it, they are caught at a checkpoint.
Cop wants to know what the story is. Driver decides honesty is the best policy and tells him exactly what happened.
Cop asks "And what would you do if you came across Mr. Snow"? (It was around the new year when it happened).
After thinking about it for a second, with a straight face the driver answers:
"I would put Mr. Foot on Mr. Brake."
The cop is not one bit amused, and said . . .




scroll down . . . .





And remember this actually happened . . .







The cop said:



I said MIST OR SNOW!


Defo a post of the month contender, still laughing!

[Pauro 76]

cant beat that one.. but there was one time i was in a London nightclub, and this dark haired girl with amazingly long legs walked by and i thought wow... have to talk to her. I went up to her and said she looked amazing.. before even waiting for her to turn around. She was in her fifties and had teeth like a madwoman... legged it after that!

[paul_oshea]

i remember going for my first "proper" job over in boston as an intern. Myself and the other girl who started with me were brought into meet everyone on the floor. we were asked to describe ourselves and to say two things about us one that was true and the other that wasnt, and then they would have to guess which was and wasnt true. the other girl taking it all seriouslly gave a good description and a real honest and false thing. me being the kinda smart arse i thought ah ya ill do it for a laugh. well i wont say what the true thing was but the false thing i said was "oh i have been a homosexual for the last 2 years". Americans being americans and the rest all indians ( bout 20 ) take everything very seriouslly and didnt find this funny, rather offensive and were none too impressed, the other irish lad who worked for the company but didnt know me was ****ing himself. i was bright red and said nothing for the next week, having said that once they got to know me everyhing was grand, so first impressions dont always last!!!

[fosterdollar]

Maybe they were still getting over the thing you described that was true when it was obvious you weren't gay.

[paul_oshea]

good point, i didnt think of that! LOL :D :D

that they were so astounded by the true thing the false thing didnt bother them. i never thought of that. but im pretty sure it wasnt

[fosterdollar]

good point, i didnt think of that! LOL :D :D

that they were so astounded by the true thing the false thing didnt bother them. i never thought of that. but im pretty sure it wasnt
so come on, spill it...

[Green Tribe]

maybe it involved him and a sheep.... ;) :D

[fosterdollar]

maybe it involved him and a sheep.... ;) :D
cue another 900 post thread

[paul_oshea]

cue another 900 post thread

hah??

[fosterdollar]

seem to remember a sheep-shagging topic spiralling out of control on another thread. And numerous other slagging threads.

[Green Tribe]

seem to remember a sheep-shagging topic spiralling out of control on another thread. And numerous other slagging threads.

I wouldn't have been involved in that stupidity at all :o , probably paul and hamish :rolleyes: :D

[fosterdollar]

but...

ohh no you don't

[paul_oshea]

cue another 900 post thread

hah??

[Green Tribe]

Que??!!

[fosterdollar]

i'm going home