View Full Version : Jokes (READ FIRST POST)
girlinblack
26/06/2009, 10:09 AM
They are going to make Lego out of Jacko's body so that kids can play with him for a change.
OwlsFan
26/06/2009, 10:23 AM
Farrah Fawcett spent years with Majors while Michael Jackson spent years with minors.
Pauro 76
26/06/2009, 10:23 AM
Just got one about a McJacko burger. I really cant put it on here for fear of offending...
passinginterest
26/06/2009, 10:40 AM
Reports that Michael Jackson had a heart attack are unture, in fact he was found in a Children's ward having a stroke.
What's the difference between Manchester United and Michael Jackson?
United will still have Giggs in September.
Did everyone hear the news that whacko jacko died. Does anyone know any details. I heard it was food poisoning.........he ate some 12 year old nuts.
Doctors at the LA hospital where Jacko has passed away are unsure what to do with the body - plastic recylcing doesn't go out until Tuesday evening.
When Farrah Fawsett arrived at heaven and god granted her one wish. She wished all the children to be safe. So god killed michael jackson
Michael jackson has died. to commorate his musical achievements mcdonalds have released the McJackson burger.
Its a 50 year old peice of aged albino meat shoved between two 8 year old buns..
They still don't know how MJ died but they are blaming it on the boogie.
They've had to cancel MJ's London dates, John (8), Stephen (12), Alan (9)
pineapple stu
26/06/2009, 10:55 AM
Reports that Michael Jackson had a heart attack are unture, in fact he was found in a Children's ward having a stroke.
They've had to cancel MJ's London dates, John (8), Stephen (12), Alan (9)
:D :D
Sickipedia's down, predictably enough!
Pauro 76
26/06/2009, 10:56 AM
Michael jackson has died. to commorate his musical achievements mcdonalds have released the McJackson burger.
Its a 50 year old peice of aged albino meat shoved between two 8 year old buns..
That's the one I was going to mention, you're a braver man than me!
passinginterest
26/06/2009, 10:59 AM
That's the one I was going to mention, you're a braver man than me!
I think the disclaimer in the first post makes it just about OK.
It could be worse, I could have mentioned dead babies... :D
hula4
26/06/2009, 11:09 AM
reports now suggest that Jacko had a heart attack after finding out Boyz to Men were a band and not a delivery service
endabob1
26/06/2009, 11:20 AM
The LA police are treating Michael Jackson's death as suspicious;
they don't know whether to blame on the sunshine,
on the moon light, on good times or blame it on the boogie.
girlinblack
26/06/2009, 11:41 AM
Unconfirmed reports that Madeleine McCann has just come out of hiding.
:eek:
brendy_éire
26/06/2009, 11:48 AM
Great news! My da says I'm allowed out to play again!
prince20
26/06/2009, 11:56 AM
And a few more.....
There may still be hope of bringing Michael Jackson back! Apparently they've sent one of the Charlie's Angels in after him.
When Farrah Fawcett arrived at the Pearly Gates, God granted her one wish. She wished for all the children in the world to be safe. So God killed Michael Jackson
Doctors say that Michael Jackson will be donating his organs to children... again
brendy_éire
26/06/2009, 12:06 PM
Doctors at the LA hospital where Jacko passed away are unsure what to do with the body - plastic recycling does go out till Tuesday.
Roadend
26/06/2009, 12:37 PM
A priest goes off to a religious conference for the weekend and checks into his hotel. He says to the receptionist, I hope the porn is disabled.
She replies, No its not you sick freak, its normal porn.
John83
26/06/2009, 12:48 PM
seven Englishmen and one Irishman in a rape line up.The victim walks in,Paddy steps forward and shouts "that's her, the ungrateful fat bi tch"
Why on earth would you post a racist joke about Irish people here?
Keen2win
26/06/2009, 12:54 PM
Because it's a joke!
Den Perry
26/06/2009, 1:09 PM
Why on earth would you post a racist joke about Irish people here?
As keen to win says, because its a joke...and in fairness if I'm Irish myself it can hardly be classed as rascist. Compared to some of the jokes posted here I find it hard to believe you are offended by it. Nonetheless, I've deleted it
pineapple stu
26/06/2009, 1:11 PM
Not much good deleting it when John83 has it quoted still!
Den Perry
26/06/2009, 1:14 PM
Not much good deleting it when John83 has it quoted still!
I know, I know...:o:o
I can't believe that John83 would be responsible for such a travesty (won't somebody think of the children FFS? still being on here.
Shame!
Rovers fan
26/06/2009, 1:36 PM
I can't believe that John83 would be responsible for such a travesty (won't somebody think of the children FFS? still being on here.
Shame!
Nah, there outside. Didn't you know?..... It's safe again, Michael Jackson died.
Michael Jackson is going to be cremated, and his ashes spread in a sand-box so he can play with children forever.
Red&White Rover
26/06/2009, 1:51 PM
I heard he wanted to be cremated, but the family don't wanna spread his ashes.
Just have him melted down and re-used for somethin else.
Longfordian
26/06/2009, 2:08 PM
Pic of Jacko in hospital
http://i42.tinypic.com/a0ky2o.jpg
A N Mouse
26/06/2009, 2:13 PM
Why on earth would you post a racist joke about Irish people here?
Was this a joke?
Because if its not I have two questions for you -
Would it be more acceptable if it were seven irishmen and the englishman stepped forward?
What kind of twisted mind can take the most offence from a racial slur in a misogynistic joke?
Magicme
26/06/2009, 2:56 PM
Rumour has it that Elton John will sing at Michael Jackson's funeral, probably will sing "Dont let your son go down on me"
Pauro 76
26/06/2009, 3:48 PM
The LA police are treating Michael Jackson's death as suspicious;
they don't know whether to blame on the sunshine,
on the moon light, on good times or blame it on the boogie.
Should that not be...
Blame it on the buggery...
John83
26/06/2009, 4:03 PM
I don't want to drag this way off topic, so I'll just make one brief response.
Was this a joke?
No.
Would it be more acceptable if it were seven irishmen and the englishman stepped forward?No. It would make more sense though. Personally, I'd have used a Kerryman.
What kind of twisted mind can take the most offence from a racial slur in a misogynistic joke?I took no offence.
If Magicme had posted the joke, I'd have been a bit surprised that a woman had posted a misogynistic joke.
And finally, just so this post doesn't go entirely to waste:
Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.
Bluebeard
26/06/2009, 4:09 PM
In response to John83's post:
What is red and invisible?
No tomatoes
Schumi
26/06/2009, 4:57 PM
As long as we're posting anti-Irish jokes:
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
None.
A N Mouse
26/06/2009, 6:58 PM
As long as we're posting anti-Irish jokes:
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
None.
racist!
:p
Explaining his views on global Sammy Wilson has claimed he was only sticking to party policy -
There'll be no greening of the DUP
Den Perry
27/06/2009, 12:42 AM
I don't want to drag this way off topic, so I'll just make one brief response.
No.
No. It would make more sense though. Personally, I'd have used a Kerryman.
I took no offence.
If Magicme had posted the joke, I'd have been a bit surprised that a woman had posted a misogynistic joke.
And finally, just so this post doesn't go entirely to waste:
Q. What's brown and sticky?
A. A stick.
To respond - yes it was a joke. and if it offends you I'm sorry. However I think far worse has been posted and I take no offence.
thischarmingman
27/06/2009, 2:35 AM
http://i578.photobucket.com/albums/ss224/beercanhill/famous.png
anto1208
29/06/2009, 11:39 AM
Why on earth would you post a racist joke about Irish people here?
Because if he puts it in current affairs it will just get moved here anyway
dahamsta
30/06/2009, 12:38 PM
It's a jokes thread lads, not a discussion thread. Post jokes or shut up.
Rovers fan
30/06/2009, 5:19 PM
It could be worse, I could have mentioned dead babies... :D
That's my job!
A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into another room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the baby wrapped up in a towel in her arms.
"Congratulations," she says. "It's a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby, which lands right on its head.
"My baby!" screams the mother.
"Don't worry, I'll get it" says the nurse.
However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby's face, before accidentally kicking it across the room. It hits the wall with a crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out of the window.
"What are you doing?" yells the mother.
"April Fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!"
stoatsie
30/06/2009, 11:58 PM
As long as we're posting anti-Irish jokes:
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman?
None.
That's excellent.
Lev Yashin
01/07/2009, 12:17 PM
That's my job!
A woman gives birth, and a nurse takes the baby into another room to clean it up. She re-enters and approaches the mother, the baby wrapped up in a towel in her arms.
"Congratulations," she says. "It's a healthy baby girl." As she says this, she accidentally drops the baby, which lands right on its head.
"My baby!" screams the mother.
"Don't worry, I'll get it" says the nurse.
However, she unfortunately stumbles and places her foot right on the baby's face, before accidentally kicking it across the room. It hits the wall with a crack before the nurse runs over to it, peels it off the floor and throws it out of the window.
"What are you doing?" yells the mother.
"April Fools!" replies the nurse. "It was already dead!"
Im a bad person for laughing at that! :D
Pop is dead.... Our thoughts go out to Snap and Crackle at this difficult time.
The Betting Man
07/07/2009, 1:34 PM
What are michael jackson, jade goody and farrah fawcett expecting for christmas??.....
Patrick Swayze..
Roadend
08/07/2009, 9:34 AM
I saw some rare footage last night, it was an old video of Michael Jackson and Rolf Harris doing two little boys
The Betting Man
08/07/2009, 12:44 PM
I was really upset when I saw the Jacksons carrying Michaels coffin.
I thought Cool Runnings was on and I f**king love that film.
MJ meets Elvis in heaven and he tells him he was married to his daughter Lisa Marie.
Thank God says Elvis , I was worried she'd marry an African American
Sunny Jim
08/07/2009, 4:32 PM
A woman walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre.
So the barman gives her one.
KevB76
09/07/2009, 7:09 AM
A man goes to his doctor for his results, doctor says I've bad news and worse news.
"Whats the bad news" he asks?
Doc says "you have 24 hours to live".
The man, shocked, says "Oh my god ...what could be worse news than that?"
Doc replies "I forgot to ring you yesterday"
:D:o
thischarmingman
14/07/2009, 8:21 PM
Please help me, does anyone know how to cancel a bid on ebay? I've just bid on a Mickey Mouse outfit...
...and am now 30 minutes away from owning Bohemians.
Wangball
06/08/2009, 1:30 PM
A termite walks into a pub and says, Is the bar tender here?"
anto1208
06/08/2009, 3:07 PM
While I was watching Michael Jacksons funeral as his brothers came in with his coffin i couldnt help being reminded of cool runnings.
While I was watching Michael Jacksons funeral as his brothers came in with his coffin i couldnt help being reminded of cool runnings.
Anto the sig is better than the joke:)
Row Zed
06/08/2009, 3:42 PM
>what key can open every lock?:D:ball:
> a pikey
A N Mouse
20/08/2009, 2:04 PM
What's the difference between an Englishman and a slice of ham?
A slice of ham is only this -> <- thick
What's the difference between an Englishman and a short plank?
A short plank
What's the difference between two Englishmen and a short plank?
Three short planks.
What's the difference between an Englishman and a LOI referee?
The Englishman might not be blind
sligofan4ever
20/08/2009, 7:09 PM
A doctor gave a man 6 months to live, but he couldn't pay his medical bill's so he gave him another 6 months.
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