Jokes (READ FIRST POST)

[hamish]

What's the definition of love all?
Stevie Wonder and David Blunkett playing Tennis.


Ballinasloe man loses sight of right eye and being so poor didn't even qualify for a medical card.
A neighbouring surgeon and carpenter took pity and devised a false eye made from a piece of ash tree and paint.
B'sloe man is overjoyed and celebrates by going to the Emerald Ballroom for a spot of jivin', like.
Spots girl in the corner who can't get a dance from any bloke and shuffles over to her.
"Hey hag, would you like to dance?"
She replies with delight, "Oh would I, would I"
"Fcuk off ya ignorant bitch!"

What's the difference between a man in a bath and a man going into confession?
One of them has hope in his soul................. :eek:

Ferdinand walking down the road, spots Frederick coming along the other side.
"Cooooooeeeeee Frederick, how's your hole?"
Frederick snaps back, "Shut up"
Ferdinand, "Oooooo, is that right, so's mine, must be the weather!

and this one's even worse.

Frederick walks into a very rough pub, clad in all pink gear.
Goes up to bar and orders a pink gin.
Barman tells him to fcuk off - "don't serve your type here"
Frederick says, "If you don't serve me, I'll set my dog on you"
Barman again tells him to fcuk off.
Frederick replies, "You asked for it - Cuddles ATTACK"
Big alsatian with ferocious fangs jumps up, faces terrified barman eye to eye and goes:
" bowzee, wowzee, wowzee!"

Panic in the church just before Mass.
No sign of a drop of wine.
Priest sends altar boy to shop to get some.
Boy returns but could only get orange squash.
At the consecration Priest intones:
"This is Mi Wadi, this is my blood"



I'll get my coat.......

[Green Tribe]

Breaking news

: HRH The Queen has lost her wig in the premises of Buckingham Palace, police are currently combing the area.........


:p :o :o :o

[Fair_play_boy]

Does this qualify? It is supposed to be a true story.
A famous retired French actor started a relationship with a woman in her early 20s. As the guy was well into his 80s, the age difference caught the imagination of the French public.
One night on a live talk show, the interviewer asked him straight out if he was having a physical relationship with his new girlfriend. "Of course", he replied.
The interviewer asked: "Isn't that a little dangerous"?
The old geezer gave a brilliant reply,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Scroll down.
.
.
.
.
.
.

This is worth savouring . . .
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The old man replied:

"If she dies, she dies."

[aido_b]

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you,
but don't start anything."

What do you call a woodpecker with no beak?
A headbanger!

Plenty more where that came from! ;)

[hamish]

Great stuff, the three of yez above. The following was told to me by a Garda friend who swears it's true and he was there but I'm sure it's done the rounds.

Ballinasloe courthouse, usual Thursday morning session.
Local yob up on D and D charge, slouched beside his solicitor and yob is noisily chewing gum
Highly irritated judge beckons to court clerk, whispers in his shell-like.
"Tell the defendant to stop masticating"
Court clerk goes down to yob and says:
His honour says to take yer hand out of yer trouser pocket RIGHT NOW, yeh dirty little bo!!ix" :eek:

[Green Tribe]

NB (It is important to read out loud what the italian guy says in an italian accent :D )

An Italian tourist checks into a hotel in London, proceeds to the dinner hall as he is rather hungry after his journey from Napoli. At the dinner table he joins another lady guest; " Ciao Bella! He is disgusted that there are no forks laid out on the table, so he calls to the waitress... " Hey, I wanta two fork on the table" "Eh, what is, I just ask two fork on the table" The waitress and the lady is horrified, "I'm sorry Sir, but that's not very appropiate" , the waitress walks away. The Italian is left rather bemused

Later that evening, he checks his bed, it has no sheets whatsoever! So, he storms down to reception, talks to the manager " Eh, I wanta 2 sheet on the bed, you know whadda i mean-a?." Manager is taken aback, " sorry Sir? " Eh, I need 2 sheet on the bed-a, ok? I as for nothing just wanna sheet, come on..... Manager calls security and has poor Gianni removed from the hotel.........

[hamish]

Here's another one, before I forget it.

Main character called Knacky (pronounced Knee - ack- ee but much quicker and in a very nasal voice)

It's 1940 and Ballinasloe man Knacky is listening to the BBC on his steam radio about the blitz over London.
"I'm joining up to fight for the rights of small nations against the evils of fascism", he trumpets.
Off he goes to England and because of his impediment is drafted into the coastal defence.
By some oversight, he ends up in charge of an anti-aircraft unit near the cliffs of Dover.
This was before radar and all he had was a megaphone to communicate orders plus a pair of binoculars.
Knacky hears the drone of the Luftwaffe and starts to organise.
His underlings are primed and ready with their guns.
Knacky, looking through the binoculars, shouts:
"Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, reh, reh, readeeeeeeeeeeeee"
Unit awaits further command, Luftwaffe at 45 degrees.
Ae, ae, ae, aimmmmmm
Unit rising gun's elevation.
Luftwaffwe flying directly overhead, unit guns at maximum elevation.
Luftwaffe passed overhead, out of range.
Knacky:
Ffffff, Fuh, Fuh, ffff..Fcuk it, we'll get dem comin' back.

[hamish]

NB (It is important to read out loud what the italian guy says in an italian accent :D )

An Italian tourist checks into a hotel in London, proceeds to the dinner hall as he is rather hungry after his journey from Napoli. At the dinner table he joins another lady guest; " Ciao Bella! He is disgusted that there are no forks laid out on the table, so he calls to the waitress... " Hey, I wanta two fork on the table" "Eh, what is, I just ask two fork on the table" The waitress and the lady is horrified, "I'm sorry Sir, but that's not very appropiate" , the waitress walks away. The Italian is left rather bemused

Later that evening, he checks his bed, it has no sheets whatsoever! So, he storms down to reception, talks to the manager " Eh, I wanta 2 sheet on the bed, you know whadda i mean-a?." Manager is taken aback, " sorry Sir? " Eh, I need 2 sheet on the bed-a, ok? I as for nothing just wanna sheet, come on..... Manager calls security and has poor Gianni removed from the
hotel.........

:D :D :D

[hamish]

World Cup Final, Munchen, Deutschland, 2006.

Ireland v Brazil.

Result at half-time: 3 all

Result after heart attack forming second half: 5-5

Result after amazing extra 30 minutes : 6-6

Penalty shoot-out, nerves jangling
Result after first ten spot kicks: 5-5

Result after 10 more penalties, Brian Kerr receiving emergency heart surgery:
10-10

Penos continue

Brazil ahead 14 - 13, last kick to Ireland.

Kevin Kilbane steps up :eek: turns to his teammates in centre circle and with a sheepish smile says:

"Promise you won't laugh if I miss" :eek: :D

[hamish]

Fancy dress ball in Ballinasloe.
Big turnout with the usual horror costumes - Dracula, Wolfman, Napoleon, Carlton Palmer etc all present.
Knacky, a late entree, enters the room. All eyes on him in shock and disgust.
Knacky is stark naked except for his willy stuck in a large bowl of yellow Birds Eye.
Master of Ceremonies stormes over: "What the hell are you supposed to be dressed as?"

Knacky replies: I couldn't get a costume so I'm fcukin disgusted"

[Green Tribe]

Again, you need to read it with an Italian accent.....

A bus stops at a small town in South Carolina and two Italian tourists get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and then pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time, hey whadda bout tha, eh?"
"You foul-mouthed ba$tard, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country, we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi."

Class ! :o :o :o :o :D

[hamish]

[QUOTE=kerr's tribe]Again, you need to read it with an Italian accent.....

A bus stops at a small town in South Carolina and two Italian tourists get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.
The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.
Den I come.
Den two asses come together.
I come once-a-more.
Two asses, they come together again.
I come again and then pee twice.
Then I come one lasta time, hey whadda bout tha, eh?"
"You foul-mouthed ba$tard, " retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country, we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella Mississippi."


No need for :o KT a big LOL and :D :D

[hamish]

Out of season joke.
Why does Santy have no children?
Only comes once a year and that's down the chimney.
But when he does he fills your socks.

I'm goin'. I'm goin' :o

[ollie]

Fancy dress ball in Ballinasloe.
Big turnout with the usual horror costumes - Dracula, Wolfman, Napoleon, Carlton Palmer etc all present.
Knacky, a late entree, enters the room. All eyes on him in shock and disgust.
Knacky is stark naked except for his willy stuck in a large bowl of yellow Birds Eye.
Master of Ceremonies stormes over: "What the hell are you supposed to be dressed as?"

Knacky replies: I couldn't get a costume so I'm fcukin disgusted"


class :D

ye've probably all heard this before...
2 men walk into a bar..
..You'd think 1 of them would have seen it.

3 paddies were in a bar.Paddy irish man stood a round,paddy english stood a round and paddy scots man stood around.more a 1 to say than to type.

[Anto McC]

My wife always wants to talk to me during sex...................just the othernight she rang me from her hotel room. :D

[hamish]

class

ye've probably all heard this before...
2 men walk into a bar..
..You'd think 1 of them would have seen it.

3 paddies were in a bar.Paddy irish man stood a round,paddy english stood a round and paddy scots man stood around.more a 1 to say than to type.

:D :D :D
Thanks Ollie - loved yer second joke - my one above was actually a racist one so I changed it to B'sloe - anyway we're treated down here as the niggaz of Ireland so it's probably just as appropriate. Y'know horse fair, horse $h!te, green wellingtons, unsavoury practises with sheep etc. Not me of course re. the latter. Honest to God! :D

[hamish]

Here's a brutal one.

Beautiful bird brings a fellow to her room for a night of right royal passion.
Both get nekkid and fellow starts to move towards her.
No, no, no, she says, I just can't make love in this weather.
Yer man says, "But it's alovely summer's evening"
We can do something about that,she says. Now follow my instructions..
So she makes him sit up on the clothes cupboard and places a large basin of water at his feet.
She lies on bed
Splash me with that water all over my body. He duly does with his right foot.
She squirms and turned in ecstacy exclaiming : Oh water, it reminds me of rain - really turns me on
Next she askes him to reach for light switch with his right hand and flick the switch on and off.
"OOOOOOOOO, she says, lightning, really turns me on.
Then she asks him to bang his left heel off the cupboard.
Oooooooooo, thunder, what an orgasmic feeling, ooooooooo
Then she tells him to operate the electric fan with his left hand.
Ooooooooo wind, what a mega turn on.
Glad for ya, says the bloke, ya got thunder and lightening, wind and rain.
When can I come down to you for a bit of sex.
She replies: Whaaaaaaaaaat SEX? Are you serious - on a night like this??
:)

Gullanes Hotel, B'sloe - it happened there, so I'm told. :D

[Risteard]

whats brown and sticky???

A stick?

[hamish]

As promised KT.
You know the story about the terrible problems cystic fibrosis sufferers have in getting organs for transplants. One of my friends daughters went to Newcastle to have a transplant operation which, thank God, turned out 100% successful. She was back at Karate after a couple of months.
However, just before she went in to the operation theatre, the surgeon asked her was there anything she wanted to say before she went under. Now we're talking a life or death situation here. Do you know what she said to the surgeon?
Could you throw in a boob job while you're at it?"
I believe the surgeon had to sit down, he was laughing so much. The whole place was in knots.

[Green Tribe]

nice one! :D you got a mention in the christmas meet-up london-for derry lads also thread today! :eek: ;)

[hamish]

nice one! :D you got a mention in the christmas meet-up london-for derry lads also thread today! :eek: ;)
Cheers KT. How do I get to that?? :o = what thread is it?
Silly old Hamish.

[paul_oshea]

ya risteard thats it.

[hamish]

ya risteard thats it.

Que???? :confused: Don't understand Paul O'Shea who's really a Galwayman but claims to be from Roscommon!!!!! :p :D :D

[paul_oshea]

im from maigo eo did ye not see??

[hamish]

im from maigo eo did ye not see??

Ah Jesus, first Galway, then Roscommon, now Mayo. Ya tramp!!!! :D
Slaggin and jokin aside POS, Kerrs Tribe mentioned some London Derry thingy - just a few posts above. How do I get to that?????

[paul_oshea]

http://foot.ie/showthreasd.php?p=276680#post276680


check the last and second last pages

[hamish]

Thanks good buddy = only got the usual cant be found thingy???

[Dawn_Run]

.-.-.-.-.
Two goldfish in a tank..

One goldfish says to the other: How the fcuk we gonna drive this thing? :)
-.-.-.-.


Thank you and goodnight!! ;)

[Eirambler]

Strachanisms

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the
England squad?
Strachan: I don't care, I'm Scottish!

Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
Strachan: "Velocity" [walks off]

Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?
Strachan: No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job and I said, "No, I think they should have got George Graham because I'm useless."

Reporter: Is that your best start to a season?
Strachan: Well I've still got a job so it's far better than the
Coventry one, that's for sure.

Reporter: Are you getting where you want to be with this team?
Strachan: We're not doing bad. What do you expect us to be like? We
Were eighth in the league last year, in the cup final and we got into
Europe. I don't know where you expect me to get to. Do you expect us to win the Champions League?

Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?
Strachan: You're spot on! You can read me like a book.

Reporter: Gordon, Agustin Delgado?
Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yoghurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Agustin Delgado.

Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy
To get your first win under your belt, won't you?
Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to
Bother answering that one.

Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge.

Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down.

Reporter: where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?
Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret.

Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?
Strachan: I don't take stupid comments lightly either.

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were
better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there

--------------------------

just after he got the Southampton Job...they lost so he went into the dressing room and said O.K lads 9:00am tomorrow want you all in for training.

Next day 9:00am, no show for Gordon...then at 10:30 the team get a call,

Gordon: Right lads you wasted 90mins of my time yesterday, I wasted 90mins of yours today. So we're even. See you tomorrow at training."

[hamish]

Strachanisms

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the
England squad?
Strachan: I don't care, I'm Scottish!

Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
Strachan: "Velocity" [walks off]

Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?
Strachan: No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job and I said, "No, I think they should have got George Graham because I'm useless."

Reporter: Is that your best start to a season?
Strachan: Well I've still got a job so it's far better than the
Coventry one, that's for sure.

Reporter: Are you getting where you want to be with this team?
Strachan: We're not doing bad. What do you expect us to be like? We
Were eighth in the league last year, in the cup final and we got into
Europe. I don't know where you expect me to get to. Do you expect us to win the Champions League?

Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?
Strachan: You're spot on! You can read me like a book.

Reporter: Gordon, Agustin Delgado?
Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've got a yoghurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Agustin Delgado.

Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy
To get your first win under your belt, won't you?
Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to
Bother answering that one.

Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe jump off a bridge.

Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down.

Reporter: where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?
Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret.

Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?
Strachan: I don't take stupid comments lightly either.

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were
better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there

--------------------------

just after he got the Southampton Job...they lost so he went into the dressing room and said O.K lads 9:00am tomorrow want you all in for training.

Next day 9:00am, no show for Gordon...then at 10:30 the team get a call,

Gordon: Right lads you wasted 90mins of my time yesterday, I wasted 90mins of yours today. So we're even. See you tomorrow at training."

BRILLIANT - I can hardly type this I'm laughing so much.
Man, where do you get all these sceals??? I've heard the odd Strachan quip but never as many as that. Respect man.
:D :D :D

[strangeirish]

Did you here the one about the Polish water polo team?

The horses drowned......... :D

[hamish]

If a Paddy and a Polack fell off a bridge, which one would reach the water first?
The Polack - Paddy would have to ask for directions! :o

[M@ttitude]

This chap breaks into a house in a a nice area and starts putting dvd players and ornaments into his rucksack when he hears a voice saying 'Jesus is watching you', He stops and thinks he's just hearing things and gets back to what he's doing when again he hears 'Jesus is watching you', he panics and turns on the light only to see a parrot in a cage staring at him, 'Was that you saying that?', he asks the parrot, 'Yes it was', the parrot replies.. The man says looking confused, 'what are you talking about, are you Jesus or something?', 'No' the parrot says 'Im moses', The thief sniggers and says, 'What kind of family calls a parrot moses?', The parrot squaks 'The same family that calls a Pit Bull Jesus'

[hamish]

This chap breaks into a house in a a nice area and starts putting dvd players and ornaments into his rucksack when he hears a voice saying 'Jesus is watching you', He stops and thinks he's just hearing things and gets back to what he's doing when again he hears 'Jesus is watching you', he panics and turns on the light only to see a parrot in a cage staring at him, 'Was that you saying that?', he asks the parrot, 'Yes it was', the parrot replies.. The man says looking confused, 'what are you talking about, are you Jesus or something?', 'No' the parrot says 'Im moses', The thief sniggers and says, 'What kind of family calls a parrot moses?', The parrot squaks 'The same family that calls a Pit Bull Jesus'

:D :D :D

Nice one M@gnitude.

You're the sound bloke who helped me with the internet hassles a while back. Haven't seen you in Footieland for a while??

[M@ttitude]

:D :D :D

Nice one M@gnitude.

You're the sound bloke who helped me with the internet hassles a while back. Haven't seen you in Footieland for a while??
M@gnitude? HaHa, babe-magnet-dude you mean. Yeah, ive been reading on and off but not posting much. Another joke......
How many light bulbs does it take to change a dyslexic??

[hamish]

M@gnitude? HaHa, babe-magnet-dude you mean. Yeah, ive been reading on and off but not posting much. Another joke......
How many light bulbs does it take to change a dyslexic??


Well Holy DOG!!! Another good one from the BABE MAGNET???

Stop bragging - just enjoy it.

Sigh. Tis just fond memories to me. :D

[aido_b]

What d ya call postman Pat when he's unemployed?
Eh .... Pat!

What does 50 cent use to clean his floor?
Bleeeeeotch!

Why do female parachutists wear tampons?
It stops them whistling on the way down! (so sorry! :D )

[hamish]

What d ya call postman Pat when he's unemployed?
Eh .... Pat!

What does 50 cent use to clean his floor?
Bleeeeeotch!

Why do female parachutists wear tampons?
It stops them whistling on the way down! (so sorry! :D )

Wait'll Kerrs Tribe and Babysis see that last one aido b - you're a dead man. :eek:

Still funny though. :D

[strangeirish]

The Irishman on Liverpool's docks would leave the job early every lunchtime, telling his workmates, 'I'm just going for more cotton.'

When he died they wrote this epitaph on his headstone:

'Gone - but not for cotton.'

[hamish]

Three characters: Knacky, Micky and the Preacher.

Best to read this "joke" out loud and when Knacky speaks
Say his line in a squeeky, nasal voice for best effect. (Knee -ack-ee)

B'sloe men Knacky and Micky depressed. Knacky has a voice impediment and Micky has a deformed leg.
Both tried all types of cure - no luck.
They heard about this preacher in Redneck Springs, Alabama.
He's supposed to perform miracle cures.
Over to Alabama they go.
Reach Redneck Springs, huge crowd, preacher in full voice.

"Welcome all the way from Ireland, brothers Knacky and Micky, Haleluiah!!
!I'm gonna heal your wounds, pray to the Lawd!

Preacher instructs both to go behind curtain while he prays out loud.

"Brothers, sisters, let us all pray for the recovery of Knacky and Micky".

Crowd swoons, prays, screams etc etc

Preacher roars:
"Brother Micky - cast out your crutches"

Pair of crutches sail out over curtain crashing onto ground in front of Preacher.
All present shout "Halleluhiah"

"Brother Knacky - speak to us all in a firm, strong voice"

Knacky : "Micky fell"

[aido_b]

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t appear to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other hunter whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

He screeches to the operator, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice says, “Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, followed by a deafening gunshot blast.

“Ok,” the hunter says. “Now what?” :D

[hamish]

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t appear to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other hunter whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

He screeches to the operator, “My friend is dead! What can I do?”

The operator, in a calm, soothing voice says, “Just take it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, followed by a deafening gunshot blast.

“Ok,” the hunter says. “Now what?” :D

:D :D :D

[hamish]

A naive young vicar from Lawth
Raged against sins such as sloth
He preached masturbation
To the whole congregation
And was washed down the aisle in the froth.

Oh dear said the widow Mulgrew
As the randy young curate withdrew
I pre - fer the vicar
He's quicker and slicker
And half an inch thicker than you

[aido_b]

Nice joke, last one of the evening ....

One day an Irishman, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten years, sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

Suddenly,emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned man and says to him, "Tell me how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten years," replies the Irishman. With that, she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Faith and begorah! Is that good!"

And how long has it been since you've had a sip of whisky?" she asks him. Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "'Tis absolutely fantastic!

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the man falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh, sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too.

[hamish]

There once was a man from Bengal
Who had a hexagonal ball
Along with its mate
Plus his penis plus eight
Was twice the square root of fcuk all

[Réiteoir]

What do you call a Judge with no thumbs?

Justice Fingers

[hamish]

What do you call a Judge with no thumbs?

Justice Fingers

Get your coat, NOW!!!! :D

[onenilgameover]

What do you call a Judge with no thumbs?

Justice Fingers


I'm havin that...thats very good....

[aido_b]

I know its cruel but it make me laugh.... :D


A man had two great tickets for the Cup final. As he sits down, another
man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have
a seat like this for the FA cup final, the biggest sporting event in
England, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me.My wife was supposed
to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we
haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't
you find someone else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to
take the seat?

The man shakes his head... .



"No. They're all at the funeral."

[hamish]

I know its cruel but it make me laugh.... :D


A man had two great tickets for the Cup final. As he sits down, another
man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him.
"No," he says. "The seat is empty."

"This is incredible!" said the man. "Who in their right mind would have
a seat like this for the FA cup final, the biggest sporting event in
England, and not use it?"

He says, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me.My wife was supposed
to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we
haven't been to together since we got married."

"Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. I guess you couldn't
you find someone else - a friend or relative, or even a neighbour to
take the seat?

The man shakes his head... .



"No. They're all at the funeral."


LOL Brilliant! :D

aido b strikes again. Top man. :D