Poor Taste?

[Mr A]

Is it just me or is this piece (http://www.donegaldaily.com/2011/05/09/suicide-mum-i-cant-read-sons-note-three-weeks-after-his-death/) in poor taste?

Just seems strange to put such a personal thing online, and the headline just seems horrible.

[horton]

It's hard to say. It's a horrible thing to read but clearly it was the mother who approached the paper to highlight her grief, and consequently to warn others who may be considering suicide to think of the impact it will have on their family etc. The title definitely screams English tabloid though(Daily Star/Sun) and not something I'd be happy with if I was in that position.

[Spudulika]

Given the poor coverage of male suicide in Ireland every little bit of exposure helps. I think everyone knows someone or has a relative who committed or attempted suicide. It is a growing problem in Ireland though I wonder if it is growing or that just more people are speaking out. It will never get the coverage or support systems it deserves as it is still a shameful taboo to be ignored.

[Mr A]

I definitely agree it should be covered, I'm just not sure about the way it has been done here.

[peadar1987]

Given the poor coverage of male suicide in Ireland every little bit of exposure helps. I think everyone knows someone or has a relative who committed or attempted suicide. It is a growing problem in Ireland though I wonder if it is growing or that just more people are speaking out. It will never get the coverage or support systems it deserves as it is still a shameful taboo to be ignored.

I think the rates of depression are definitely rising. I know Aware are inundated at the moment, lots of people in the same situation as myself. No job, all your mates emigrated, debt... It really screws with your head.

[shantykelly]

Agree with Mr A, it's definitely something that needs better (not necessarily more) coverage in the media, but this article I think could have been done a lot better.

[Spudulika]

I wrote on the other thread (the one about the superinjunction) of how life has seen everybody disconnected from one another. It is a simple fact that we don't have the contact we would have had before and on top of that men are not supposed to suffer openly. Men rarely ask for help as to do so is supposed to betray a weakness that renders one useless to society. I was walking last week in Dublin down Henry Street and at the top (next to the GPO) was a middle aged guy cycling in place for charity. I had a second look and it turned out he was from the USFI (Unmarried and Separated Fathers of Ireland - or the new incarnation of the same) and I heard people walking by making nasty comments and sneering. Okay, nothing unusual there, however the man was trying to raise funds to help fathers fight court cases or provide information on legal rights that is denied or unavailable (or the person is too embarassed to ask for). I'd read on their old website (2 yeas ago) of a father who dropped to the depths of despair and felt he had no chance of ever seeing his kids again. He took his own life and it triggered John Waters (I think it was) to write an article on the case. In Ireland our support for mental health issues is poor as it is, so that with the social stigma of depression or despair as a man, well, it just adds up.

[John83]

There's a strong correlation between suicides being reported in the media and further suicides, particularly further suicides in the same way, so the notion that it "needs to be covered" is probably misguided if well-intentioned.

[Mr A]

Yeah, agree with that. Before we got married, I went into Galway Courthouse to get listed as a guardian of my daughter. The person in the office started going through the whole rigmarole of how I'd have to go to court etc. He was surprised when I told him I didn't need to as the mother wanted this to happen too, we just had to fill out the relevant form.

That made two things apparent- few unmarried fathers seek to become guardians and when they do they have to fight for it (which is probably why they don't). Made me realise how lucky I am. I hate to think what it would do to me if I was in the position of having to grovel or fight for every little bit of access like some fathers do.

Throw some of that in with unemployment etc and there are a lot of people in very dark places.

[Spudulika]

Mr A, I am still in a near 5 year war just to see my little girl. Myself and my ex broke up, at first okay, then very quickly nasty from her side. Eventually I had to go to enforce visits and it's been non-stop ever since. There have been days when I wondered if I can do it any more, though as you'd know, the thought of that little face smiling up at you gets you through. I'm lucky to have a brilliant other half who has supported me, though I don't want to think how it could be if I was alone and without support. No matter what a man cannot win. I was told by my lawyer that if it were me who'd taken our daughter to a different country and refused to recognise the law, then I'd be in better shape and be able to sit back and defend. Though somehow that just never seemed the right thing to do. A child should see both parents and using an innocent as a weapon is just wrong.

Anyway, on the topic of suicide, if it were de-stigmatised and there was at least open discussion and a breaking down of barriers, I can only think it would improve.