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Thread: Fundamental christian movie review site

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    Mack Daddy gustavo's Avatar
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    Fundamental christian movie review site


    http://www.capalert.com/capreports/


    this is a funny site
    hard to believe there are people like that out there!

    • realistic trauma and injury
    • inappropriate dress
    • punk/hood manerisms, purse snatching
    • "Take care of #1"
    • sadness from loss of caregiver
    • gunfire at a story character
    • threats to achieve good favor
    • the use of God's name in vain without the four letter expletive
    • imagery of animal control police as brutal
    • imagery of out of body experience, resurrection
    • adult underwear twice
    • hanging onto an ambulance while riding a bike

    of course thats babe 2 pig in the city

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    Coach Poor Student's Avatar
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    Just happened to randomly select Jurrasic Park:

    "Of particular offense in the Sex/Homosexuality Investigation Area was inappropriate touching of a minor child by an adult. There is no need for any male actor, adult or otherwise, to touch the chest or groin area of a preteen girl, even in the name of Hollywood-style rescue -- this was not real life, it was a movie. Neither is there ever any need to reveal such a large portion of a preteen girl's breast as was seen twice in Jurassic Park"

    Huh?

  3. #3
    Coach Pauro 76's Avatar
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    that is hilarious, they'd find watching Mass offensive, what do these people watch?....
    'Fascists dress in black and go round telling people what to do, where as priests.....'

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    Coach John83's Avatar
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    Gotta love that revolving cross on the front page.

    Here's their take on ET:

    Wanton Violence/Crime (W):
    # brother holding sister to shut her up
    # leaving a seven year old girl alone in the house
    # riding a bike off the edge of a cliff
    # breaking and entering
    # boy out all night alone
    # adolescent trespassing
    # home invasion by science team
    # car theft with endangerment
    # running from police
    Impudence/Hate (I)(1):
    # young boys ignoring guardian's commands
    # potty talk
    # foul insult by adolescent
    # five uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary by an adolescent
    # lying about illness to manipulate and deceive
    # adolescent yelling at and arguing with mom
    # mischief by adolescent
    Sex/Homosexuality (S):
    # adolescent trying to inappropriately touch adult woman
    Drugs/Alcohol (D):
    # smoking
    # drinking beer
    Offense to God (O)(2):
    # five uses of God's name in vain without the four letter expletive, thrice by an adolescent and twice by an adult
    Murder/Suicide (M)(3):
    # none noted

  5. #5
    Seasoned Pro Lionel Ritchie's Avatar
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    From 'Alive'

    Impudence/Hate (I)(1):

    one use of the most foul of the foul words
    15 uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary
    defiance of rightful authority
    want of suicide
    desire to eat pilots for food as revenge because they caused the crash

    Sex/Homosexuality (S):

    inappropriate touch for the sake of extricating a dead body

    Drugs/Alcohol (D):

    smoking, almost uncountable
    drinking, repeatedly
    drinking to celebrate

    Offense to God (O)(2):

    "Well, He put us here!"
    I don't think God cares whether we're civilized."

    Murder/Suicide (M)(3):

    none noted
    " I wish to God that someone would be able to block out the voices in my head for five minutes, the voices that scream, over and over again: "Why do they come to me to die?"

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    Mack Daddy gustavo's Avatar
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    WARNING: I must tell you this up front. This report speaks to the ugliness, evil and vulgarity found in "Natural Born Killers."

    NOTE: Multiple occurrences of each item described below are likely.

    Wanton Violence/Crime (W):

    Insect and animal death for shock value only
    flash scene of bloody injuries
    vicious attack
    theft
    gothic cartoon scene of evil
    gunfire
    hit in face and other body locations with tire iron
    fighting
    self mutilation
    knife cut to girl's hand
    gun battle with police
    TV scenes of murder/fighting
    kidnapping
    street murder by gunfire
    flash scene of stabbing
    flash scene of knife at throat
    flash scene of brutality
    dead man in pool of blood
    flash scene of gore and violent murder
    flash scene of of dead animals
    flash scene of predatory animals with their prey
    flash scene of bloody brutality/gore
    flash scene of evil and torture with blood/gore
    flash scene of beheaded man still moving
    sequence of a man dying from gunshot wounds
    snake attacks
    flash scene of mutilated humans seething about the two criminals
    attempted murder
    knife cut on girl's chest (seeing the cutting)
    knife cuts to cops
    police brutalizing a bad guy
    bloody injuries
    flash scene of rape
    cops planning the murder of the bad guys
    prison inmate attack on another inmate
    TV scene of someone's head on fire
    bloody decapitated man standing up
    prison riot mayhem with murder, gore, rape
    cartoon flashes of large character biting off the head of a smaller character (Looks like Felix, the Cat)
    a tongue bit off by one being sexually assaulted
    stabbing to the neck
    hole shot into hand
    several murder victims and assailants soaked in blood
    mutilated ear
    many flashes of Satan, gore, evil, horrors, famous killers and their victims and many more

    Impudence/Hate (I)(1):

    229 uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary, 103 of them were the most foul word or expressions using the most foul word.
    public urination
    hate from a father toward his daughter
    sexual desires of a father for his daughter
    vile talk of a son discovering he is the son of his sister by his father
    talk of "Daddy touching me"
    daughter expressing joy at her father's murder
    multiple sequences of people world-wide praising and glorifying the two murderers
    male cop sniffing a female's underwear
    general theme of arrogance against fair authority
    a man hitting a woman
    flash scenes of child abuse, hatred from the father, hatred from the mother
    saying about murder "So I made a mistake."
    threats by a cop to cut off the breasts of the female criminal
    a female newscaster saying "Mickey's quite virile" and "He has a very large gun" with hunger in her eyes
    promises of glory and world recognition by a "Springer" type of show host
    trial crowd signs stating "Kill ME Mickey" and other glorification of criminals and criminal behavior
    "It's just murder, man. All God's creatures do it"
    long sequence of discourse about excusing murder with hate and demon possession
    an insane discourse of lust for aberrant behavior
    long discourse about the glory and greatness of killing and the "purity" of it
    denial of accountability
    footage of escaped criminals living a happy suburban life -- as if to say crime pays

    Sex/Homosexuality (S):

    inappropriate dress and inappropriate touch
    sensual dance
    sexual/vulgar comments, innuendo, talk
    kick to the privates
    sexual molestation of daughter by father
    a girl masturbating her boyfriend (the two criminals) while in prison during open visitation
    teen underwear and adult underwear
    gaping mouth kissing and licking
    flash scene of lions copulating and of insects copulating
    female anatomy ghosting through clothing
    female straddling the crotch of a man (both were in underwear(
    partial nudity
    bondage of sadomasochism
    sexual intercourse (masked but obvious)
    speaking of sex with two women at the same time
    pelvic thrusts by a man at a woman's face while swinging a knife (both in underwear)
    "teasing" of a sex partner with a knife at her throat
    pelvic thrusts with expression of drooling/panting lust
    offer of sex
    porn talk during inappropriate touch
    scenes of sexual intercourse and oral sex (clothed)
    homosexual offer
    vulgar dancing while straddling partner
    cleavage
    cartoon scene of oral sex
    self touching
    admission of sexual immorality
    nudity in shower
    man's mouth covering a woman's breast up close
    a story of little Johnny watching his sister have sex while he masturbates
    a cop taking sex with an inmate
    sadomasochism
    prison rape (fairly well hidden)
    camera angle to focus viewer on female parts

    Drugs/Alcohol (D):

    at least seven instances of consumption of beer

    Offense to God (O)(2):

    "666" on a tabloid
    tattoo of a Satanic symbol
    claim of prophesy
    evil background music, some by Nine Inch Nails (care to guess what is meant by "nine inch nails?")
    Satanic makeup, jewelry, and clothing, also on an adolescent
    flash scenes of an evil face and of evil things, Satanism, and goth
    self-proclamation of godhood
    evil cartoon sequence
    flash scene of an unholy power of discernment
    flash scenes of a multi-eyed creature with fur/hair
    calling Charles Manson the "king"
    grotesque deformation of human faces
    "A moment of realization is worth a thousand prayers"
    flash scene of a bloody Satan spitting up blood

    Murder/Suicide (M)(3):

    at least one suicide and at least 30 murders -- due to the frequency of killing and the volume of people involved, 30 is quite likely much too low. The characters claimed to have killed 52 people in three weeks.

  7. #7
    New Signing hamish's Avatar
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    Yeah, have come across this crowd before - this belongs in The American Taliban thread too

    Crazy people.

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    Too many classic quotes in that website. If they so put out by such movies why do they even review R rated movies that kids cannot watch?

    I see Spy Kids got as close as could be considered positive review. E.T> didn't make the grade though.
    http://www.forastrust.ie/

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    New Signing hamish's Avatar
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    As far as I can recall "Touched by an angel" was a regular favourite with that shower.

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    First Team Gerrit's Avatar
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    Do they have a review of "Seven songs", "Ken Park" or "The Idiots 2"?

    Which person has that much time to watch all those movies with a blocnote, writing down all the details?

    I wonder which film got a good review... "The passion of the Christ" maybe?
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    Biased against YOUR club pineapple stu's Avatar
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    American Psycho gets 0/100 including, under "Offence to God"...

    two abbreviations of "Christmas" without "Christ"
    Baby Miracle 1: The Story of Creation earns 100/100 - part of a series with Noah and the Ark and Jonah and the Whale... The latter falls down because it shows graphic cartoon footage of Jonah being eaten by the whale!

    Mary Poppins gets 100 also.

    (To search for scores, type "Final Score: 100" into the find function. I didn't just look through everything!! Though I do see that it mentions examples of 0 and 100 at the start...)

    No sign of The Life of Brian, which I think was banned in Ireland when it was released as being too blasphemous!

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    Was looking for The Life of Brian, settled for psycho

    # couple in bed together with she dressed in only underwear and he covered only by a sheet
    # suggestive eye movement
    # repeated exposure to adult underwear
    # sexual innuendo
    # theft and illegal purchase
    # belittling talk to and of 'mother' and belittling talk by 'mother' to son
    # brief nudity, partial nudity, "shower curtain" nudity, picture nudity, and magazine nudity
    # buildup to threats
    # cleaning up blood
    # attempted coverups of murder
    # unauthorized trespass
    # one use of God's name i vain without the four letter expletive
    # camera angles to focus viewer on private parts
    # threats with a knife
    # talk of drinking and drunkenness, a mug of [ostensibly] beer, and whiskey in an office
    # talk of murder/suicide by poisoning
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    Reserves Snoop Drog's Avatar
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    Quite scathing of "Lassie" too!

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    New Signing hamish's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=Neish]

    # suggestive eye movement
    # repeated exposure to adult underwear
    # camera angles to focus viewer on private parts
    # a mug of [ostensibly] beer, and whiskey in an office


    LOL Priceless - what a shower of total muppets.

    Suggestive eye movements, exposure to adult underwear LMAO

  15. #15
    Coach John83's Avatar
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    The Passion of the Christ!

    Wanton Violence/Crime (W)
    fighting
    ear amputation
    beating, repeatedly, frequent, including after recent beatings, most intensely graphic and realistic
    physical brutality, repeatedly, often and increasingly brutal
    facial injuries from beatings/brutality
    brutal vicious whipping with graphic injuries, ripping flesh, repeatedly
    driving thorns into scalp
    intensely graphic full-body gore, repeatedly, frequently
    crowd control beatings, repeatedly
    crowd brutalization of near-dead Jesus
    continued beatings/whippings of our already mutilated Lord
    kicking our near-dead Lord
    hand/foot impalement with spikes
    a crow pecking the eyes of the thief to Jesus' right (the one who mocked Jesus as He hung on the Cross)
    spear impalement with exudates

    Impudence/Hate (I)
    tormenting by children (who were cast as controlled by Satan)
    mockery of our Lord, repeatedly
    crowd lusting after killing Jesus
    lusting after sadistic brutality
    flash nudity, clearly non-sexual but nudity nonetheless

    Sexual Immorality (S)
    none noted

    Drugs/Alcohol (D):
    drinking wine, repeatedly [Eph. 5:18]

    Offense to God (O)
    flashes of grotesque demons
    images of children as demons
    calling Jesus a fool repeatedly [Matt. 5:22]
    attempts of Satan to tempt and control our Lord and events that would impede Him

    Murder/Suicide (M)
    suicide of Judas
    murder of our Lord

  16. #16
    Reserves aido_b's Avatar
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    This in great ... check out the jungle book folks ...

    Wanton Violence/Crime (W):

    tormenting with name-calling
    strong implication of a character's death by another character
    threat to kill a child

    Impudence/Hate (I)(1):

    lies, repeatedly
    leading others into disobedience and by it into danger
    defiance of mother's call <-thats my personal favourite

    Sex/Homosexuality (S):

    none noted

    Drugs/Alcohol (D):

    none noted

    Offense to God (O)(2):

    none noted

    Murder/Suicide (M)(3):

    none noted

    Also Toy Story ....

    Sexual Immorality (S)

    one sexually suggestive character mainly of bare skin female legs

    heh heh, loving this site!
    Last edited by aido_b; 18/01/2006 at 1:48 PM.
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    New Signing hamish's Avatar
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    Anything about Shakespeare? Couldn't find anything relating to any of his works??

    I suppose The Bible also gets a bashing given that every vice imaginable is in it.

  18. #18
    New Signing hamish's Avatar
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    Talking

    Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

    Wanton Violence/Crime (W):

    imprisonment of a child, repeatedly
    physical abuse by caregivers, repeatedly
    firearm threat with discharge
    "Anyone who stood up against him ended up dead."
    floating evil being drinking blood from an animal's neck
    floating evil being threatening a child
    attack of children by a huge three-headed dog, repeatedly
    bloody injury
    animated chess game with lives at stake, graphic
    willingness to commit suicide to enable victory of friends
    evil face on the back of a head
    orders to kill a boy
    attempted murder
    threat of death for disobedience
    ghost removing his head
    great falls, repeatedly
    attack by a giant troll
    giant troll swinging a club at a child, repeatedly
    threat of harm to force compliance
    brutality
    burning flesh
    crumbling flesh

    Impudence/Hate (I)(1):

    two uses of the three/four letter word vocabulary
    abusive caregivers
    child screaming at his parents
    parents submitting to child's screaming
    adolescent arrogance
    lie to prevent accountability
    adolescent meanness to others, repeatedly
    children wandering about alone in a forest at night
    planning disobedience and disobedience of rules
    lie
    bully threat
    lies to protect
    brutal sports tactics with audience of children cheering it on
    invisibility to sneak, repeatedly
    encouragement by an adult to a child to break the rules to get even

    Sex/Homosexuality (S):

    none noted

    Drugs/Alcohol (D):

    smoking

    Offense to God (O)(2):

    witchcraft/sorcery to control others, repeatedly
    transfiguration
    levitation, repeatedly
    witchcraft/sorcery to get even
    boy conversing with a snake
    witchcraft/sorcery to start fires, repeatedly
    witchcraft/sorcery to grow tail on a boy
    community of witches and wizards
    goblins, ghosts, repeatedly
    witchcraft/sorcery to destroy property
    "You're a wizard, Harry"
    "Not all wizards are good"
    disappearance by witchcraft/sorcery

    casting spells, repeatedly
    manifestations in mirror
    mirror to show deepest desires
    elixir of life to make immortal
    half man, half horse beast
    protection by unholy force
    broom riding, repeatedly
    attempted murder with witchcraft/sorcery, repeatedly
    offer to resurrect parents by unholy force
    "There is no good or evil. There's only power" (Voldemort)
    talking witches hat
    witchcraft/sorcery to create food
    paintings with moving subjects, repeatedly
    teaching the use of potions to control others and even "stopper" death
    evil eyes, repeatedly
    witchcraft/sorcery incantation to do harm
    Christmas without Jesus
    invisibility by witchcraft/sorcery
    face in pain protruding from book pages
    demon cat; witch's familiar
    evil passing through boy's body, causing unconsciousness
    witchcraft/sorcery to change flag colors
    unholy possession

    Murder/Suicide (M)(3):

    tale of many murders
    murder of teacher by unholy possession

  19. #19
    First Team Gerrit's Avatar
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    I'm surprised they even bothered to review Eyes Wide Shut

    Of course it's the perfect way for a spiritual person to enjoy some adult movies without anyone knowing: "i had to review it for the sake of my religion, it was not for personal pleasure !"


    Quote Originally Posted by sirhamish
    I suppose The Bible also gets a bashing given that every vice imaginable is in it
    Ah yes, it's a mass of violence and pornography (Sodom and Gomorrah anyone?) but I guess it's all functional violence/nudity?

    Anyway, the Quran is the most sensational book imaginable:

    - Mohammed has several women
    - one of his women was 9 years old, he was 53 at that time
    - the holy rapings of the paganists by Mohammed's army
    - Mohammed's harem

    A book full of filth, and only one sleezy character needed ! Mohammed was the Jigsaw/Freddie Kruger/Michael Myers of his era!
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    New Signing hamish's Avatar
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    Talking

    Gerrit, all Footypersons - I've found an even weirder site for this kind of thing.

    It's called Landoverbaptist - Google it

    Here's the King Kong review

    http://www.landoverbaptist.org/news1205/kingkong.html

    Here's one quote from the site:

    "Matrix Revolutions:
    An innocent young Baptist boy tries to plug himself into the Matrix by inserting his penis into a lamp socket..."

    Even The Passion of The Christ and Jews get a boll0cking

    The anti-Semitism in The Lord of The Rings "review" is unbelievable

    Every Disney fim, apparently, has a barely hidden homesexual agenda

    The Two Towers
    Christian Moviegoers beware! "The Two Towers" is homo slang for "erect Hobbit penises!" LMAO

    Check them all here
    http://www.landoverbaptist.org/movies.html
    Guaranteed hilarity

    Here's another good line

    "deacon bob checks reel of film for microscopic demons...."
    RFLMAO
    Last edited by hamish; 19/01/2006 at 10:25 PM.

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