QuoteIt's not THAT badOriginally Posted by strangeirish
You picked the right thread for that one.............
You picked the right thread for that one.............
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
It's not THAT badYou picked the right thread for that one.............
After a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, ''You wanna hear a blonde joke?'' The person replies, ''I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?''
The man thinks for a while and replies, ''Not if I have to explain it three times.''
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
Guy walks into a bar and spots a drop-dead gorgeous bird........goes over to chat to her.
Introduces himself and says, "My father has only a month to live and is leaving me his fortune.......how would you like to marry someone with 20 million dollars?"
The girl went home with him and two weeks later became his stepmother.
Proof that men will NEVER learn.
Old man retires, builds himself a lovely house with a large man-made pond out back plus a big orchard beside it.
One day he gets a bucket and decides to pick some apples.
Spots a group of nubile young women skinny dipping in his pond.
Girls see him and head to the deeper part of the pond.
They state that they won't come out while he's there watching.
Old man says. "I've no interest in seeing you lot naked, I just came to feed the alligator".
Proof that old age brings wisdom and calculation while youth has a lot to learn.
brilliantAfter a really good party a man walks into a bar and orders a drink. Already drunk and delirious, the man turns to the person sitting next to him and says, ''You wanna hear a blonde joke?'' The person replies, ''I am 240 pounds, world kickboxing champion and a natural blonde. My friend is 190 pounds, world judo champion and is a natural blonde. And my other friend is 200 pounds, world arm wrestling champion and is also a natural blonde. Do you still want to tell me that blonde joke?''
The man thinks for a while and replies, ''Not if I have to explain it three times.''
Little boy is filling in a hole in his back garden.
Neighbour comes up to fence and says. "Little Johnny, what are you doing?"
Little Johnny, "I'm just burying my goldfish".
Neighbour, "That's an awful big hole for a goldfish".
Little Johnny, "That's because it's inside yer fcuking cat".
Little Red Riding is holding her basket and ready to head out through the woods.
Her mother:"Now Little Red Riding Hood, you shouldn't travel through the woods. If that evil wolf catches you, he'll lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fcuk your little red socks off".
Little Red Riding Hood (holding a shotgun):"Oh no, he won't"
On her way, she meets the three little pigs.
One of the pigs says: "Little Red Riding Hood, you shouldn't go through the woods. The big bad wolf will lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fcuk your little red socks off".
Little Red Riding Hood, cocking her gun: "Oh no, he won't"
As she travelled through the woods, out jumps the big bad wolf and says:
"Little Red Riding Hood, you shouldn't have come through the woods 'cos I'm going to lift up your little red dress, pull down your little red panties and fcuk your little red socks off".
Little Red Riding Hood sticks the shotgun in the wolf's face and says:
"Oh no, you won't, you're gonna EAT ME, just like it says in the book".
The flash cartoon of this can be viewed in The Cartoon Basement website.
Crack Irish sniper
Mick Malone was a legend in the First World War. He was the most famous sniper in the history of warfare. The list of his victims was hundreds of names long, and yet his system was so simple. He'd worked out that ninety per cent of Germans were called Hans. So Mick would lie in no man's land, settle in a shell hole, set up the rifle and call:
'Hello, Hans, are you there?'
And a German head would rise up and shout 'Ja!'
Whereupon Malone would shoot him.
This worked very well for many months until he came across an equally smart German sniper. This man had worked out that over fifty per cent of Irishmen were called Mick, so he tried the same plan. There he lay, directly opposite Malone, and called out:
'Are you there, Mick?'
'Yes, is that you Hans?' said Malone without moving.
The German rose up and said, 'Ja!' and Mick shot him...
Thick Germans
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
Schweinhund[B].
Thick Germans
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.
A soon to be retired soldier is on sentry duty at night. The poor man, after all the years in the army, is hard of hearing and can barley see anymore. So, the only job left for him to do is sentry work. This particular night, there was a bad fog and you couldn't see two feet in front of you.
Suddenly, he thinks he hears footsteps approaching.
"Halt, who goes there. Friend or foe?"
"Friend" came the reply.
"Whah?"
"Friend, FFS,don't shoot!"
"Alright, come on in."
Thirty minutes later, more footsteps.
"Halt, who goes there. Friend or foe?"
"Friend" came the reply.
"Whah?"
"Friend, FFS,don't shoot, ya dosey clown ya!"
One hour later, even more footsteps(busy night)
"Halt, who goes there. Friend or foe?"
"Friend, I'm the Army Chaplin"
"Whah?"
"FFS, I'm the Army Chaplin!!!!!!"
Bang!!! The old sentry shoots him dead. He walks over to the body and prods it a few times and says,
"Huh, Charlie Chaplin me hole"
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
oldest one in the book d2, oldest one in the book
They are the ones that never get old DE TOWN,if you want i can PM you another jokeoldest one in the book d2, oldest one in the book
please do
The 7 dwarves are in the vatican on a trip to see the pope.
When they get there Dopey who is leading the group approaches the pope and says "Sir would it be possible for you to answer some questions for me".
"Yes of course" the pope responds.
Dopey says "are there any dwarf nuns in the Vatican?"
The pope looking puzzled at this odd question says "no there are no dwarf nuns in the vatican"
The rest of dwarves start to giggle.
Dopey qickly turns around and throws a dirty look at them and they go silent.
"Well then" Dopey says "are there any Dwarf nuns in europe?"
The pope, now looking very confused says "No there are no dwarf nuns in europe"
The 6 dwarves behind Dopey start to laugh even louder but Dopey quickly sends a stare towards them and they go silent once again.
"ok" Dopey says "are there any dwarf nuns in the world?"
The pope now looking completely bemused at these questions says "no there are no dwarf nuns in the world"
With this, the 6 dwaves behind Dopey erupt into frenzy of laughter rolling around the floor screaming "Dopey srewed a penguin" Dopey scewed a penguin"
Blind man wants to buy condoms but goes into a shoe shop by mistake.
Girl behind counter says "What size do you take?".
Blind man says, "Never been asked that before, dunno what size?"
Girl says, "Let me have a look and I'll judge".
Blind man puts his schlong on the counter.
Horrified girl cries out, "EEK, That's not a foot".
Blind man, "Damn fcuking near it".
Here it is possibley the worst joke ever thought of!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whats pink and fluffy?
Pink fluff
Whats blue and fluffy?
Pink fluff holding its breath
I likes that oneBlind man wants to buy condoms but goes into a shoe shop by mistake.
Girl behind counter says "What size do you take?".
Blind man says, "Never been asked that before, dunno what size?"
Girl says, "Let me have a look and I'll judge".
Blind man puts his schlong on the counter.
Horrified girl cries out, "EEK, That's not a foot".
Blind man, "Damn fcuking near it".
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
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