Work evaluations

[strangeirish]

For everyone who has ever had or given an evaluation.
These are actual quotes taken from comments on
federal government employee performance evaluations:

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached
rock-bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a
has-been, but more of a definite won't be."
4. "Works well when under constant supervision and
cornered like a rat in a trap."
5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is
only to change feet."
6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then
consistently fails to achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere
of an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he
starts, the better."
10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy
to hold it all together."
11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an
ordinary ignoramus."
12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."
15. "He's been working with glue too much."
16. "He would argue with a signpost."
17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the
room."
18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."
19. "If you see two people talking and one looks
bored, he's the other one."
20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover
glued on."
21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."
22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done
using it."
23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but
the train isn't coming."
24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the
other is out looking for it."
25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be
watered twice a week."
26. "If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd
get change."
27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear
the ocean."
28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000
other sperm."
29. "One neuron short of a synapse."
30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he
only gargled."
31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."

[The Stars]

Hes as bout as usefull an a spoon under water.

[hamish]

24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the
other is out looking for it."

That one is too close for comfort.

I like this one

30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he
only gargled."