The Ex question

**sadloserkid** · 11/11/2004, 2:36 PM

I'm just in the middle of an argument/discussion online with my ex about why we're not buddies any more. My answer is that because we broke up in March I really don't see any point in having 10% of what we did before. We were one of those couples who talked about marriage and babies and stuff. And now she wants what????

Whatever, my question is do people think that serious, long-term couples can ever be good friends afterwards??? I know that people you're with briefly can actually work out better as friends but long-termers...

Feel free to throw up your own stories of heart-break and despair too. I could with some reassurance that I'm not the only one!

**Éanna** · 11/11/2004, 6:17 PM

added another option cos I couldn't make my mind up

**Plastic Paddy** · 11/11/2004, 6:25 PM

Experience has taught me that you can only become good friends with an ex a) when all the dust from your break-up and associated events has settled and b) if you don't feel attracted to each other any more. a) and b) can of course go hand in hand.

It is possible though. And the pain and all the crap you feel does disappear with time.

PP

**Ruairi** · 11/11/2004, 6:49 PM

I broke up with my girlfriend of four years last week. we said we'd still try top be friends and we're going to see tommy tiernan tomorrow night. that should be interesting. don't know if it's going to work but we'll soon find out

**Gary** · 11/11/2004, 8:12 PM

I went for option D. It can happen, but only on the terms of the dumped, by which I mean, when the dumped party is good and ready.

I dont think it is feasible to be great friends after a relationship is over. A lot of the time the dumper is only looking to be seen as a sympathetic character, so when later when the dumped is odd and down in the dregs the dumper can say "well i offered to stay friends". Thats bolloks, facetious and self serving.

Of course, not everyone is as cynical as me. Another huge factor for possible future friendship is the manner of the break up. Was it because the relationship had gone stale? Or maybe it came to a point where you just werent attracted to the person anymore, or there was cheating in the relationship. In fact a buddy of mine was going out with a girl for 10 yrs. They were 15 and 13. When they finished a few months ago, there was no heart break, and they are in touch. He says its a bit starnge, but no regrets.

**Closed Account 2** · 12/11/2004, 1:00 AM

Impossible to say for sure it varies from person to person and depends on the circumstances. You can get on with some ex's fine and stay friends, and with others its just better to have a clean split, go seperate ways and never cross each others' paths again. Only you know the exact ins and outs of situation so its hard to advise, I'd bear the following things in mind tho.

- Are you likely to run into her often any more (if yes then in the long run you'll prob need to make friends).

- Were you friends before you went out (if yes, and good friends, then I'd be inclined to try and be friends).

- What do you, yourself, want ? Would you like to remain in contact, if you were talking about kids then it must have been fairly serious - do u want to sever all contact with someone who was at one point a key figure in your life? On the other hand do you want to run the risk of ruining the fond memories by trying to remain friends when it might not work and could turn sour?

Try and aviod a big set-to tho, burning bridges isnt a good long term strategy for anyone. Also remember we live our lives forwards, not backwards - the sooner the both of you move on the better. If being friends hinders this then its best not to do it.

**corkharps** · 12/11/2004, 6:43 AM

Originally Posted by sadloserkid

I'm just in the middle of an argument/discussion online with my ex about why we're not buddies any more. My answer is that because we broke up in March I really don't see any point in having 10% of what we did before. We were one of those couples who talked about marriage and babies and stuff. And now she wants what????

Whatever, my question is do people think that serious, long-term couples can ever be good friends afterwards??? I know that people you're with briefly can actually work out better as friends but long-termers...

Feel free to throw up your own stories of heart-break and despair too. I could with some reassurance that I'm not the only one!

FFS! Phone Joe Duffy or Marion!

**Peadar** · 12/11/2004, 8:17 AM

If you're still "friends" with your ex then you'll end up sleeping with her everytime you go out for a meal or just a drink for a chat.
The only way to get beyond that is for you both to start seeing other people. You must have found something attractive about each other to begin with and there's always a chance of that attraction sneaking back in. Even if one or both of you is in a relationship.

**Macy** · 12/11/2004, 8:27 AM

It can happen, but personally I don't see it myself... None of my break ups have been anything particularly nasty (no cheating, no specific reason, just not the one), but I haven't stayed in touch with any of them, let alone be "friends". If I bump into them everythings fine, but I've no interest in making an effort to be in regular contact. You break up and move on, or as one of the lads once said "forget it, I have enough friends already without you"

I do know some people who are still good friends with their ex's, but frankly, I find that a bit wierd (and as peader said, they do end up back together, and then it all ends with more heartbreak again).

**green goblin** · 12/11/2004, 8:50 AM

"Friendship is more tragic than love- it lasts longer". Oscar Wilde.

**patsh** · 12/11/2004, 8:59 AM

Originally Posted by Ruairi

I broke up with my girlfriend of four years last week. we said we'd still try top be friends and we're going to see tommy tiernan tomorrow night. that should be interesting. don't know if it's going to work but we'll soon find out

Theres your problem Ruairi...
Your body will be at Tommy Tiernan but your mind will be in Drogheda.....

It NEVER works out. Why?
The man really only ever thinks about going back for sex, and yeah can be friends too, sort of, if she insists.
The woman would like a male who knows her well so she can really be friendly with but rarely, if ever, thinks about having sex again.

**Ruairi** · 12/11/2004, 10:23 AM

Originally Posted by patsh

Theres your problem Ruairi...
Your body will be at Tommy Tiernan but your mind will be in Drogheda.....

yeah, stupid ex girlfriend and stupid tommy tiernan and stupid trying to be friends.... if city win i'll be in increidably good form and she might think there's hope if she sees me smiling and laughing and shouting and stuff...... uh oh...

**sadloserkid** · 12/11/2004, 11:16 AM

Originally Posted by corkharps

FFS! Phone Joe Duffy

I can't because my Mammy will be listening!

Besides I think she's got the message now and will leave me to get on with my life. She ended it, I've accepted that it's over and now we might as well just move on and leave each other alone. Cheers for the memories and all, now goodbye. It's sad but it's the only way forward for me at least.

And cheers for all the feedback gents, the New Man is alive and well on foot.ie

**green goblin** · 12/11/2004, 12:37 PM

The best advice I've heard yet for staying friends with ex-girlfirends, is that as the years roll slowly on and we advance surely to middle age, you will at least be able to cop a feel of the sides of their t1ts when hugging them at your mutual friends funerals.

**Jim Smith** · 12/11/2004, 12:58 PM

Originally Posted by green goblin

The best advice I've heard yet for staying friends with ex-girlfirends, is that as the years roll slowly on and we advance surely to middle age, you will at least be able to cop a feel of the sides of their t1ts when hugging them at your mutual friends funerals.

You are a sick sick man....

**green goblin** · 12/11/2004, 1:09 PM

Originally Posted by Jim Smith

You are a sick sick man....

Er.... probably. I actually went a funeral yesterday, though.

It can put you in a funny frame of mind. Erm, that's not 'funny' as in 'funny'. If you know what I mean

It was while I was hugging a friend that the quote popped back into my head.

b_mcsweeney · 12/11/2004, 1:25 PM

i'm not even convinced that feens and beors can ever really be mates in the first place, nevermind after they've been together!

**Peadar** · 12/11/2004, 1:27 PM

Originally Posted by b_mcsweeney

i'm not even convinced that feens and beors can ever really be mates in the first place

I don't think you can have a genuine, serious relationship if your partner isn't also your best friend.

**corkharps** · 13/11/2004, 7:34 PM

Originally Posted by green goblin

The best advice I've heard yet for staying friends with ex-girlfirends, is that as the years roll slowly on and we advance surely to middle age, you will at least be able to cop a feel of the sides of their t1ts when hugging them at your mutual friends funerals.

I have only admiration for anyone who could come 'out' with the above!