I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest p*nis she had ever laid her hands on.
I said "You're pulling my leg"
Spent $40 on eBay last week for a p*nis enlarger. Just opened it and some b*stard's sent me a magnifying glass
Under new E.U. law the word "kn*cker" is no longer politically correct.
They have to be called (caravan utilising nomadic travelers) or C.*.N..T.S. for short.
The Grim Reaper came for me last night, and I beat him off with a vacuum cleaner.
F*ck me, talk about Dyson with death
I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.
A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
If I got a penny for everyone I've met who is as beautiful as you, I'd have all the money in the world.
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