Stephen Ireland

**Scram** · 23/03/2009, 5:09 PM

Originally Posted by OwlsFan

...the Leprechaun stated: "To be honest, it wasn't Hammy the Hamster who died but Horney, my favourite pet Hornet". The old man was really confused now and said "Mama mia. It's a only a hornet. Whasa matter with you, whya you looka so sad" to which the Leprechaun replied "Ah, get out of my face!"

"Senda me the faxa if you wanta to talk" replied the old man and closed the door behind him. The Leprechaun smirked and threw his green top in the bin. "Won't be needing that again for a while" he thought as he put on a sky blue pullover and readied himself for a night out on the town. "I really don't have any interest in this Irish Leprechaun thing" he mused as the chauffeur driven car arrived at his plush mansion with his two grannies waving at him from the back.

..............................................it wasn't long before the little bald Leprechaun settled again, in his hobbit-hole in Middle England. There, he felt at home, and at peace, without the bullying taunts of the Eire-Orcs, his crooked teeth, diminutive stature, unkempt eyebrows, red skin and patchy hair a common sight in Mankychester.

Yet the Leprechaun still dreamt of cosmetic surgery, cosmetic enhancement and weekly beauty treatments. He was sure that he would not be ridiculed in Mankychester if he spent his pot o'gold on cosmetic treatments, especially when his boss forked out £32 million for a brazilian!

So the little Leprechaun said goodbye to his girlfriend Patty Rainbow and his four grandmothers and set off to Harley St. Market in London with his pot o'gold.

As the Leprechaun proceeded to the market he met a stranger who offered to trade five "magic beans" for the little pot o' gold, "would ye go and fu(!< yerself, I'm from fu(!<in' Cawrk too ye know, d'ye really tink I'm dat stupid?"............."sorry sir, sorry sir" said the stranger..."but can I interest ye in these Superman shorts? Just put them on, spin three times around and all your wishes will come true...oh, and you'll have superhuman strength too..and stuff like."

The Leprechaun accepted the trade and returned back home togged out in nothing but his magic Superman shorts. The Leprechaun's girlfriend Patty Rainbow and his four grandmothers were very angered that he had not used his little pot o' gold to enhance his appearance and stripped the Leprechaun shouting "Ye tick feckin eejit, what de fu(!< were ye tinking?" and throwing his magic shorts out of the window. "Ye call dat a first touch do ye?" shouted the angry Leprechaun as he sped out of the hobbit-hole to save his magic shorts......."yez know nothin' about magic and f*(< all about superhuman powers"...."stick it up yer bo!!ocks, ye're a sh!t girlfriend, ye're sh!t grannies and I wish ye grannies were dead..the six of ye!" Off the little Leprechaun pottered to Carrington for training, in his pink Barbie four-wheeler, pondering his new self-inflicted position of Hobbit-Hole exile.................and wondering if he should send a fax to the old Wizard of Cusano?........................"Oh well", he thought "at least I still have Hammy" when....

**Flexy** · 27/03/2009, 10:02 PM

Originally Posted by kingdomkerry

I think he deserves alot worse and I know many of my work collegues and friends have a lot worse to say about him.

hes a baldy little liar and our country doesnt need him, good luck to the boys tomorrow hope he sticks to his lying ugly bird in manchy land

**Irish_Praha** · 28/03/2009, 9:31 AM

I'm not sure if this has been posted on here already but it's funny to look at it again after everthing that has happened in the last year and a half. His comments about the cars made me laugh. It's a video inteview BTW:

http://uk.truveo.com/Stephen-Ireland...30387753307588

**Lionel Ritchie** · 28/03/2009, 9:33 AM

Originally Posted by Scram

Yet the Leprechaun still dreamt of cosmetic surgery, cosmetic enhancement and weekly beauty treatments. He was sure that he would not be ridiculed in Mankychester if he spent his pot o'gold on cosmetic treatments, especially when his boss forked out £32 million for a brazilian! ....

Fantastic!

Why on Earth is there so much ****e like celebrity bannisters and the all-Ireland talent show on our boxes when this paragraph alone shows this wee country has people who can actually write.

taking the ball and running with it....

Off the little Leprechaun pottered to Carrington for training, in his pink Barbie four-wheeler, pondering his new self-inflicted position of Hobbit-Hole exile.................and wondering if he should send a fax to the old Wizard of Cusano?........................"Oh well", he thought "at least I still have Hammy" when....

...Hammy himself, confused by the mixed signals emanating from the little leprechaun, expired under the giant pink wheels of the leprechauns tosser wagon.

Though not the first time this season he'd been halted in his tracks by someone even smaller than him, the leprechaun was none the less inconsolable. He pussed and he pussed and he pussed some more, in a manner to which all have become accustomed. "Who will I take for a pint on a Saturday night now?", he pussed. "...at least Roy could take his medals ...but I play for Man City! Man City dammit! ...it even sounds like a nightclub!"

Leprechaun continues to puss blaming the whole world but himself. Lights fade to dark.

End of scene 1.

**Manblue** · 29/03/2009, 4:59 PM

Ye have way to much time on yer hands if yer writing crap stories like that,, maybe ireland isnt as stupid as ye think and knows trap has no interest in him or any footballing midfielder cause they dont work in his "system". Some system,

**cestlavie** · 29/03/2009, 7:40 PM

Stephen Ireland even if he did come back would not be allowed to express himself under the current regime. It would probably destroy him!

**The Fly** · 29/03/2009, 7:55 PM

Originally Posted by cestlavie

Stephen Ireland even if he did come back would not be allowed to express himself under the current regime. It would probably destroy him!

Do you really want Hunt, Whelan, McShane and to a lesser extent Andrews, to be given the freedom to 'express' themselves.
Express what exactly?

**cestlavie** · 29/03/2009, 8:08 PM

This would be my team at the moment if available. A team to build upon for the future.
Keeper: Given
RB Foley or O'Brien
CB Dunne O'Shea
LB O Dea
CM S Reid S Ireland (at the moment I would play Andrews and Gibson)
LM Duff
RM Mc Geady or A Reid
ST Doyle Keano
Subs
Long, Murphy, Hunt, Fahey, Mooney, Hoolahan, O'Dea, Keogh, Coleman, Jay O'Shea, K Treacy, Kilbane, Whelan, Bruce

**tetsujin1979** · 29/03/2009, 11:39 PM

Getting away from the "why, in the name of all that is holy in heaven and earth, aren't the management doing more to get Stephen Ireland into the squad" debates for a moment.

I was listening to Brian Kerr talking about the squad on the radio on friday night. As usual when he starts talking lately, I eventually tuned him out, but when he mentioned Stephen Ireland, a thought occurred to me.
Stephen Ireland (let's not call him Stephen Manchester, some of us have left primary school and name calling behind us. Besides, my dad's bigger than his dad) originally left the Ireland setup because of a falling out with Brian Kerr in the U-18 ranks when he was 16. This occurred shortly before Kerr took over the senior side, and SI swore he's never play for Ireland at any level while Kerr was involved.
So, for the better part of the following four years, SI had nothing to do with the Ireland underage sides, and only played with the Manchester City youth and reserve sides.
Given that he's 22, he should have come through with Paul McShane, Joey O'Brien, Aiden McGeady, Andy Keogh, Darren O'Dea, and Shane Supple, instead he played with Micah Richards, Michael Johnson and Nedum Onuoha.

Whatever about the honour of playing for his country, it's no great stretch of the imagination that he has a greater attachment to the same team and players that he played with while he was in the international wilderness than anyone in the Ireland setup.

Just a thought.

Anyway, back to the criticism and various unfounded wild implications about SI in between bouts of amateur Tolkienism

**Scram** · 30/03/2009, 9:49 AM

Looks like the Manc City fans are all offended.....aw bless

Get over yourselves. Ireland is a clown and you are welcome to him if he doesn't have the ba!!s to play for his country. You need to take a look at yourselves if you think that Stephen Ireland is worthy of any thoughtful debate!! LOL.

Totally laughable that anyone defending this idiot's throwing the toys out of the pram and "I'm not playing with them anymore" nonsense would refer to "childish name calling". When someone is a joke then making a laugh of them is quite appropriate.

**ken foree** · 30/03/2009, 7:52 PM

Originally Posted by Scram

When someone is a joke then making a laugh of them is quite appropriate.

but he's no joke on the pitch, is he?

**gustavo** · 30/03/2009, 8:28 PM

Originally Posted by Scram

Looks like the Manc City fans are all offended.....aw bless

Get over yourselves. Ireland is a clown and you are welcome to him if he doesn't have the ba!!s to play for his country. You need to take a look at yourselves if you think that Stephen Ireland is worthy of any thoughtful debate!! LOL.

Totally laughable that anyone defending this idiot's throwing the toys out of the pram and "I'm not playing with them anymore" nonsense would refer to "childish name calling". When someone is a joke then making a laugh of them is quite appropriate.

The very fact that you are expending energy on pointless insults on him suggests you do think he is worthy of debate

**Manblue** · 30/03/2009, 8:39 PM

I dont see how it takes balls to play for your country?

**tricky_colour** · 30/03/2009, 8:46 PM

Originally Posted by Manblue

I dont see how it takes balls to play for your country?

Well you usually need at least one.

**Scram** · 31/03/2009, 12:43 PM

Originally Posted by ken foree

but he's no joke on the pitch, is he?

Absolutely not. Hopefully he matures quickly and takes to the pitch.

**paul_oshea** · 31/03/2009, 12:56 PM

lads he is right about nandos and jim carey.

He appears very nervous in that interview, I know he is young but he does come across as quite introverted. Maybe its just cos he was so young then.

Funny about destroying the cars and then giving them to his mother. very decent

**centre mid** · 31/03/2009, 1:24 PM

Caught the start of the Joe Duffy show yesterday & some auld dear has been sending Stephen Ireland emails via his charity web site to try and get him to come back, Joe was going to start a campaign for her. Did anyone hear how this worked out?

**Brendan 82** · 31/03/2009, 2:31 PM

Another example of a journalist laying the blame for the situation at someone other than Stephen Ireland's door. This time it is Giles:

"I also know that if I was in Trapattoni's shoes, I would have taken steps to approach Stephen Ireland in private and on my own.
I would have gone that extra mile to see if a way could be found for the lad to sort out his issues with the international team.
But that didn't happen and a chance was perhaps lost."

What does he expect the management team to do? Ireland said he is happy not playing. Why is everyone such a moron about this?

**Duggie** · 31/03/2009, 2:37 PM

why the hell would trap go begging stephen ireland to play. FFS he dosent give a **** about his country. let him stay away, id love to see reidy back though.