Quote*Takes a bow for sirhamish*Originally Posted by sirhamish
Take a bow Sligoman
An American, a Japanese and an Irishman are in a sauna. A beeping noise goes off and the American presses his arm and the bleep stops, he then says "oh, thats my pager, I've had a chip installed in my arm". Then a few minutes later a phone rings and the Japanese man puts his palm to his ear and says "that was just my phone, I had a microchip installed". Then the Irishman, not to be outdone, goes to the bathroom and comes back with toilet paper hanging from his arse and says " Oh bejaysus() look at that, I'm getting a fax"
Take a bow Sligoman
*Takes a bow for sirhamish*Take a bow Sligoman
Life without Rovers, it makes no sense...it's a heartache...nothing but a fools game. S.R.F.C.
She was only the admiral's daughter but her naval base was full of discharged seamen.
She was only the undertakers daughter but she knew how to handle a stiff.
She was only the baker's daughter but could she though? - that might be a bit regional.
Getting coat.
Earl and Bubba
Two rednecks, Bubba and Earl, were driving down the road drinking a couple of bottles of Budweiser. The passenger,
Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl, it's a dadgum police roadblock!! We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!" "Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and
finish drinkin' these beers then peel off the label and stick it on our foreheads" "What fer?" asked Bubba. "Just let me do the talkin', OK?,"
said Earl.
Well they finished their beers, threw the empties out of sight
& put the labels on each of their foreheads. When they reached
the roadblock, the sheriff said, "Howdy boys, ya'll been drinkin'?"
"No sir," said Earl while pointing at the labels... "Me and
Bubba's on the Patch."
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
Two gay cowboys talking.....
"Yup"
"Yep"
Bye bye Stan. Go off back to collecting cones you useless git.
You reminded me of a report in The Connacht Tribune in the 1980s where a Garda chased two auld lads near Ahascragh. At some stage they managed to jump out of their car and into a deep roadside ditch.
When the guard asked them what they were doing down there - one auld lad replied, "Makin' love".
True story.
PS - I said hello to that garda (now retired) in Dunlo Street, Beeslow just a couple of hours ago.
Last edited by hamish; 02/08/2005 at 3:27 PM.
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
Onions and Christmas Trees
A family is sitting around the supper table. The son
asks his
father, "Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there
are three
kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts
are like melons,
round and Firm. In her thirties to forties, they are
like pears, still
nice but Hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like
onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated the wife and daughter so the
daughter said, "Mum,
how many kind of penises are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles, and looks at her
husband and
answers, "Well, dear, a man goes through three
phases. In a man's
twenties, his penis is like an oak, mighty and hard.
In his thirties and
forties, it Is like a birch, flexible but reliable.
After his fifties,
it is like a Christmas tree."
"A Christmas tree?"
"Yes, dead from the root up & the balls are there
for decoration
only!
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
Why, oh why, do I keep leaving myself open to these replies.
NO, strangeirish, it wasn't me he remembered 'cos I wasn't involved.
Jesus
You throw 'em up brother and I'll have to keep hittin' themWhy, oh why, do I keep leaving myself open to these replies.
NO, strangeirish, it wasn't me he remembered 'cos I wasn't involved.
Jesus
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
Feed my masochism, strangeirish, feed my masochism. LOLYou throw 'em up brother and I'll have to keep hittin' them
I'd be greatly troubled if I didn't get a good slag from you every day or so.
For all us ould lads....
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
Blonde in Pain
A blonde told her doctor that she was really worried because every part of her body hurt.
The doctor looked concerned and said, "Show me where."
The blonde touched her own arm and screamed, "Ouch!"
Then she touched her leg and screamed, "Ouch!"
She touched her nose and cried, "Ouch!"
She looked at her doctor and said, "See? It hurts everywhere!"
The doctor laughed and said, "Don't worry; it's not serious. You''ve just got a broken index finger."
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
Good one about the blonde person.
Now, this is truly awful . . . . .
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they laid down for the night, and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see"
Watson replied, "I see millions and millons of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Holmes asked.
Watson pondered for a minute. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billons of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorlogically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes sighed, was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you fool. Someone stole our tent."
Boom Boom!!
Injustice anywhere threatens justice everywhere - Martin Luther King Jnr.
You flirting with Strangeirish hamish?Feed my masochism, strangeirish, feed my masochism. LOL
I'd be greatly troubled if I didn't get a good slag from you every day or so.
EgadsYou flirting with Strangeirish hamish?
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
Vehna May and her friend, Cora Sue, were having an afternoon coffee klatch.
"Oh, shoot!" said Vehna May. "Look out the window. Here comes mah husband with a dozen carnations."
"Golly," said Cora Sue. "What's wrong with a bunch of carnations?"
"Yew kiddin'! Mah legs'll be spread apart all weekend now."
"Gee whiz, honey," said Cora Sue, "ain't yew got a vase?"
Taxi.....-------->
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
Two howaya sluts walk into Brown Thomas (Dublin), they stroll up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it: 'Dat's quite nice innit, don't you tink Jacinta?'. 'Yeah, what's it called?'. 'Viens a moi' 'VIENS A MOI, what the f##k does that mean? At this stage the assistant offers some help. 'Viens a moi, ladies, is French for "come to me". Sharon, takes another sniff and offers her arm to Jacinta again saying, "That doesn't smell like come to me, does that smell like come to you?".
Did you ever notice that in every painting of Adam & Eve, they have belly buttons. Think about that...take as long as you want.
1. Watch yourself eating in front of a mirror. If you're put off, that's the view your future partner will have...
2. Live on your own. It's important that you find out what a hopeless slob you are before your beloved tells you. And then leaves you...
3. Go out with your friends for a "quick drink" and stagger home three days later...
4. Have a holiday romance with someone who doesn't speak a word of English. Who needs conversation?
5. Women: Take the soft toys off your bed. Nothing turns a man off more than performing in front of an audience of beady-eyed teddies...
6. Men: Get rid of those "How to Get Girls Even Though You're Poor and Ugly' books. They never work anyway...
7. Gobble the last slice of pizza without having to go through the 'No you have it, no really... Are you sure you don't mind...?
8. Walk about the house naked, without having to hold any bits in...
9. Have friends of the opposite sex. After marriage, it's too much effort to keep saying: "No, I really don't fancy them"...
10. Men: Enjoy that wardrobe space while you can! You will not believe the vast number of shoes that one woman needs...
11. Women: Fill in silly magazine quizzes with titles like 'Are You Seductive', without having to listen to loud laughter from your partner (who then runs off with the magazine)...
12. Men: Get rid of anything inflatable and female-shaped...
13. Relish clipping your toenails straight onto the carpet...
14. Remember that your best option with in-laws is to marry an orphan...
Life without Rovers, it makes no sense...it's a heartache...nothing but a fools game. S.R.F.C.
Two howaya sluts walk into Brown Thomas (Dublin), they stroll up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Sharon sprays it on her wrist and smells it: 'Dat's quite nice innit, don't you tink Jacinta?'. 'Yeah, what's it called?'. 'Viens a moi' 'VIENS A MOI, what the f##k does that mean? At this stage the assistant offers some help. 'Viens a moi, ladies, is French for "come to me". Sharon, takes another sniff and offers her arm to Jacinta again saying, "That doesn't smell like come to me, does that smell like come to you?".
Life without Rovers, it makes no sense...it's a heartache...nothing but a fools game. S.R.F.C.
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